Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 1/2/2006

Question
Hi. I need a lot of help. I am due in two weeks and my family situation is putting a lot of stress on me and my baby.

I'm 16. My parents won't help me out at ALL. My boyfriend and I had to select the doctors... fill out all the paperwork... Apply for state insurance... and a bunch of other stuff. We had to go pick out baby clothes, diapers, child proofing stuff and a whole lot more.

Do they not realize this is going to be thier grandchild that is entrusted to me by God?

My boyfriend is 23 and he makes decent money so I'm not that concerned... My parents say they will only help if we break up. He has been the only person who has stuck beside me!!! Really I trust him more than my parents right now. My parents even tried to have him thrown in jail!!! Luckily they couldn't because I am 16 now.

I want my parents to be a part of my baby's life... That can't happen until they accept Tre is a good person and will be a good father.

I have prayed for our family to be strong again since this started. I need some direction.

Since most of the people here are already parents I was hoping you could give me advice in getting my parents to understand. Tre is the baby's father. He loves me, I love him and he is sticking with me. How do I talk to them without leaving Tre?

I told them that all I wanted for Christmas was to accept Tre and for them to be active grandparents when the baby is born. I am getting no where.

I don't even understand why they hate him so much. He is so sweet but they won't even give him a chance. It could be his age... The fact he's not white... Or the fact they didn't even know about him until I was pregnant. Still.... After 8.5 MONTHS it seems like they could find time to get over it! He is great wonderful guy which is why I fell in love with him in the first place.

Help me relieve this stress... Help me find a way to communicate with my parents. Help me make them understand.

Answer
Hi Marissa,

Thank you for your heart felt question.  Before you will ever have a chance of having your parents "understand" you, you must come to understand just what you have done.  As I read your post, I come to the conclusion that you have no clue what you are inot or how much you have broken the hearts of your parents.  You mom and dad were given by God to you to protect you, and I would bet that in their minds, they have failed.  They raised you with certain values and morals...  only to find a 23 year old preditor has seduced their 15-16 year old child and now she is pregnant!  There are scars from unbridled sin and passion that will not be erased!  Until you see this as they see it and see it as God sees it.... you will not be restored.  You seem to think that now it is your parent's job to provide and protect you in your pregnancy.... that you can all be one big happy family... you, your illigatimate child, and the sexual preditor for a father.???!!???

I know that this may seem harsh.  I am sorry for that.  I just want you to see their perspective.  No matter how much the adult tells you what you want to hear.... in this country and in this culture, and in your parent's eyes, he has violated you!  He took a child ( I know that you don't like to think of yourself as a child, but you are for just a bit longer) and took her vulnerable emotions, told her what she wanted to hear until she surrendered her body to his adult appetite!

I do not believe that this is racially motivated...I believe that this anger and devistation comes because every parent dreams of their little girl's wedding day.... the day when they present their little girl, all grown up, to the man of her dreams.  It is a day when she is presented clean, and spotless....pure for them to start a new family together.  All those hopes of a normal family are shattered by this relationship and pregnancy.  They are sad for you...they are sad for themselves.

Again, you must be pretty mad at me for being as tough with you as I have, but please try and understand what private Hell your parents are enduring.  

Perhaps Tre is sweet  and not the preditor he appears to be... it will take YEARS to overcome that perseption.  Be patient and understanding....acknowlege your sin and move on.  Ask forgiveness to your parents for allowing such a tragidy to occur!  Tre should do so as well.... that is the only hope you have of any kind of restoration.

Your boyfriend should have had to do the things that you said he did.....  HE IS THE FATHER!  This baby is the responsability of you and Tre, not your parents.  If you want their help, seeing that they did not make the baby, it is absolutly right for them to put conditions on that help.  So you decide.... do you go it alone with Tre the preditor, or do you make a safe choice, leave Tre and embrace the love, protection, forgiveness, and help of your parents.  It is hard....but this is the choice you have to make.

Galatians 6:7-9
7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. 9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

I hope that this helps.  I know this has been tough, but I really care about what happens to you and the baby, and your parents.  If you wish to contact me personally, feel free to e-mail me directly  ebc@cleaninter.net

In Christ
Pastor Don