Expert: Carl Fuglein - 11/28/2006

Question
Carl,
I'm a christian, have been since i was 12 and i'm 14 years old. I used to go to this baptist church for my whole life. I have great friends there...none of which went to my school, and had spent most of my walk with the Lord there.  But this past summer I went to a mission trip called MFuge with a youth group that a lot of my friends from school went to. I had a life-changing experience there and not to mention a WHOLE lot of fun. and i got really close to some of the guys and girls that go to my school.  I really felt God speaking to me to go to this church.  I was really scared because I had been at my other church so long and I didn't know what to do.  So I kept praying about it when finally i made the difficult to decision to change churches.  

That's not even really part of the question i'm gonna ask. I just wanted to let you know where i'm coming from.

Anyway, the youth group that I now go to had experienced a mountain-top experience at MFuge.  We all felt really close and we thought everything was gonna stay the same.  There were so many older guys and girls that I looked up to and thought were great.  Then school rolled in. Slowly, people started forgetting MFuge and how amazing it was.  People started falling back into their worldly routines.

The girls in our youth group have a reputation for being very close and having "girls nights" alll the time.  Although I play football and do other guy things, MOST of my  friends are girls.  It is great.  The girls in my youth group seem to have so much more feeling and courage to express their emotion and open up so easily. But sometimes I wish I had a guy friend to relate to and be very good friends with.  I used to at my old church, but I never really see him that much anymore.

In my church there were a lot of older guys and girls that I looked up to.  They seemed to be living for God and they were a good example for me.  But then I found out more and more things about them that made me wonder if they really were good people or they were faking it.  Anyways, these kinds of things started becoming more noticeable to me...and some of my other friends who are living true (of course not perfect) walks with Christ, noticed it too.  Alot of different things started to happen...drama, gossip, sins, hypocrisy.  My youth group lately has seemed to be falling apart. My youth pastor is a very Godly and real man that I look up to more than almost anyone.  He has taught me so much but he just doesn't see it because of the performances people put on at church.  I will admit that I have done it too, yet these people seem to be doing it shamelessly.  I still love my youth group, and my other friends that are more true to Christ talk about giving up, quitting the youth group because they are sick and tired of this drama and hypocrisy.  I think that's stupid. I think that we should never give up and a lot of youth groups are not close and don't even really know the other people in it.  They don't stand together at their schools and keep each other accountable.  We have begun to slip into church as being a hangout place and fun.  We have forgotten our real reason for being in God's house.

Well to get to the point, I guess...and ask my question.. how do I help fix this?  I want to restore things to the way they were during mfuge...to have that spiritual high and get people back focused on God.  I've been praying about it.  I've wanted to like, get people in a circle, and make them sit beside someone they dont' know..just so there isn't any kind of cliques and leaving out people going on. and then discuss it and everyone tell their problem with each other.  I don't know if that sounds logical though.  One of my biggest problems is that I think about things too much...am i thinking too much?  I just need help on how to solve this problem.

I'm sorry that is so long. I hope it's not really confusing. I'm just desperate on getting our youth group back to the good times we used to have.

Thanks so much for listening,
Scott

Answer
Hi Scott-

Good luck on your entering the mission field, I pray that God leads you in that decision.

If you're struggling with porn and lust, may I suggest you take a look at http://www.xxxchurch.com - they have many resources to help you deal with that issue.

Scott, we all struggle on a day to day basis - just keep focused on Him, and He will lead the way.

blessings,
carl

!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks for writing.

Well, first of all, it's not your responsibility to fix this situation.  You are responsible primarily for your own spiritual health, and when that is achieved, you can set a good example for the other members of your youth group.  So, keep that in mind, as I ramble on a little.

The situation you describe is not at all unusual.  You go on a trip, you see downtrodden people, you help them, you feel good, the Holy Spirit touches your heart, and then you go home to the real world.  If you REALLY want your heart touched, go on a long term mission trip, or enter the mission field.  Short term trips are designed to make you feel good, and to dedicate your life to Christ.  I'm guilty of making retreats that are heart-warming - but the whole issue of Christianity is not just one heart warming moment, but a constant daily struggle to live your life as Jesus would want you to.  Not that easy.  Give me a couple days, and I could convince just about anyone that God exists and that Jesus died for your sins, but whether or not that is a REAL conversion remains to be seen.  You seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders, and you get "it", whatever "it" is.  You're going to have Holy Spirit moments throughout your life - when you are living fully in God's will, it will be all the time.  I'm 59 - I ain't there yet myself.  I still have heart warming moments, too, and wish they would last.  But they don't.  Not a bad thing to experience, but what you want is a life fulfilled in Christ - lofty goal, I hope and pray you achieve it.

But that doesn't answer your question as to what to do about your youth group.  I have a couple practical ideas for you:

1)  Talk to your youth pastor - tell him everything you told me (I'd print out what I have to say as well as what you said).  Together, the two of you can come up with a plan on what needs to be done.  Trust me, unless your youth pastor is a real jerk, he will appreciate the feedback and he will love to work with you to get the feeling back.

2) Work on your own spiritual life.  Live your life blamelessly - do the best you can to stay away from the hypocrisy you see.  Don't be judgemental, but be a good example.

3)  This one's hard.  When you see something that is less than "Christian" - hold your friends accountable.  You don't have to be arrogant or judgemental, just be honest - say something like, "Bill, I'm not sure that's the right thing to do or say.  I thought we talked about that at MFuge and you agreed that we were going to try a little harder.  Frankly, I'm surprised at you - I know I struggle sometimes, too, but how can I help you not do that again?"

4.  Pray, pray, pray.

That's all I got right now.  Hope this helps.  Let me know how the conversation with your pastor goes.

blessings,
carl

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