Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 10/16/2004

Question
Dear Don,
   When it comes to physical contact between couples, what is appropriate, and what is to be saved for after marriage, aside from sex which is undisputably for married couples only.

Some I've heard say no kissing until you're engaged, and others none 'till marriage, but are such choices up to the individual? And what about hugging, and the like?
 
 Or since almost all physical contact is for self gratification, is it safe to say that until marriage, all such things should be avoided, because it is selfishness to indulge in such things to fullfill sexual desires outside of marriage, while still not doing anything drastic such as fornicating?  

 I am asking this as one who is interested in your point of veiw, interested for a few reasons, but suffice to say I have my mind made up about the subject, and I want to hear your point of view. Thanks in advance.
Sincerely, and Inquisitively,
      -Peter  

Answer
Hi Pete,

Thanks for this question.  Here is what God's Word says on that subject:

1 Corinthians 7:1-2

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

This passage gives us two things we can do to avoid the sin of fornication ( sex outside of marriage)

1.  Don't touch.....   AT ALL!  God intended kissing hugging, petting, and all other kinds of foreplay to finish with a mutually satisfying sex act....  God's Word says if you are unmarried and wish to be pure...don't touch.

2.  The other way to avoid fornication is to get married to the person who is the object of your affection....then there is no sin in the physical love that you wish to share.  I know that this is a radical idea, but it is Biblical.  I only wish that I had understood the need for that standard when I was younger.  

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ,
Pastor Don