Expert: Carl Fuglein - 3/7/2007

Question
hey well she we had a youth meeting this past Sunday and she called later that day and asked me to come an hour early and she started asking questions about my commitment/decision at the concert and I wasn't sure how to respond to the questions because I wasn't so sure I wanted to talk about then and I wasn't so sure about the commitment I made then!!! So what can I tell her about that so she will understand why I wan't really responding to her questions?
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Hey thanks for tsking the time to talk to me now, I have been thinks since I am a liitle shy talking to her and what do you think is the best way to let her know that I want to talk about the msking it right with God and making a commitment and accepting God as my Savior should I call her,write her a note and hand it to her or email her?
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hey thats I will try your advice and get back to you and let you know how it goes but, I am kind of shy in front of her and I am afraid that she will not take this seriously and go share this with one of her friends but, she tells me that every time I talk to her in private that what I say in to her in her office stays between her and I and doesn't leave the in her office!!! hould I believe this or not why or why not?
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Hey, well ok our youth minister took us to a christian concert and at the concert they gave us an opportunity to make a commitment to God and let him in our hearts and I would really like to talk to my youth minister about my relationship with God and and make that commitment official and she really wants to talk to me about to as she told me in an email that she sent me but, I am little afraid to talk to her about it because and I don't really know how to bring up the subject or how to start the conversation!!!! Please help me and give me some advice!!!!
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Hi Sheigh-

This is an easy question.  All you have to do is tell your youth minister that you want to get right with God and give your life to Christ.  Trust me, she'll know what to do and what to say and will help you through the process.

Actually, if you did what they said to do about committing to God while you were at the concert, then you've probably already made it "official"  Once you've committed to God, you ARE official.  Trust me, your youth minister will LOVE to talk to you about this - teens committing to God is the primary reason why we are youth ministers - we, as Christians have Christ in our hearts, we know how it has affected our lives, and we want to share that with teens.

Don't be shy - just get your ym in private and say this: "I think I'm ready to make a commitment to become a Christian."  She will ask you some questions, and know exactly what to do.

And if you're still feeling shy or unsure of yourself, just print this letter out and hand it to her!

Sheigh- I'm so happy for you and your ym will be, too.  We're really here to help you understand about being a Christian, and trust me, it's NOT BORING.

Please write back and tell me how it goes, okay?

hugs,
carl
carl

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Hi Sheigh,

As a youth minister, she should keep private conversations private.  However, there are instances where not only should she say something to someone else, but she may be bound by law to say something - this would apply in cases of matters of life or death, e.g., suicidal thoughts or threats, confession of drug or alcohol use, confession of sexual activity.  Other things, if you want them to be private, you need to tell her to keep it confidential.  She should be doing that.  

I'm not trying to make excuses for her, but what might have happened in the past is that she said something to someone else thinking that it wasn't really a confidential matter - sometimes what YOU think is really serious, she may not think the same.  If you have issues of trust with her, then that's another issue altogether - I would definitely confront her (yes, it's hard to do, but if you do confront her, tell her I told you to, and quote Matthew Chapter 18:15-17, which says:

15“If another believer£ sins against you, go privately and point out the fault. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17If that person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. If the church decides you are right, but the other person won’t accept it, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

I have personal experience with that - I once broke a confidence that I thought wasn't really confidential, and I got into a whole heap of trouble with both a student and a parent of a student.  I made the wrong decision.  Both of them confronted me in the light of Matthew 18, I apologized, and we're all still friends.  The point is that your ym should be keeping confidences - tell her when you think something should be confidential.

But there's another issue here as well - accepting Christ should NOT be confidential - it should be a celebration in front of the whole church!  That's why baptisms and confirmations are done in public - when you confess that Christ is your savior - that should be shared with all - it's an important and momentous occasion.

I hope that you can trust your ym.  If you can't, then maybe you need to talk to your senior pastor, but only after you've confronted her on any break in confidentiality.

I will be praying for you, but you definitely need to talk to her about accepting Christ.

I'm proud of you for thinking about all these things - too many teens just go with the flow and not make up their own minds like you're doing.

hope this helps,

hugs,
carl

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Sheigh-

I would call her and make an appointment to see her privately, maybe after school one day.

hugs,
carl


Answer
Sheigh-

You've got to step up to the plate and just be not afraid - your ym is not going to get upset with you or mad at you - she's just trying to understand how you feel about your commitment.  Just tell her like you've been telling me.  I know it's easier to tell someone anonymously, but Sheigh - your ym is no different than me.  She's interested in you, she cares about you, and she cares about the commitment that you're making.  Just tell the truth, tell her that you just weren't ready to talk about it on Sunday, but that you are ready now.  Tell her that you've been talking to me.  Print this whole thread out and let her read it, seriously.

Sheigh, I know you're shy, I know you're probably a little scared right now, but your ym can't be any scarier than me, because you know her.  You don't know me.  Trust me, please, it will be okay.  Your ym is going to be happy when you come perfectly clean with her - tell her you're scared.  Tell her you're just all confused about making a commitment and you don't know how that's going to change you.

I want you to promise to me that you're going to make an appointment with her.  Okay?  I will hold you to that promise.  It's time for you to get real and make a commitment.  The best way to overcome fear is to face it head on.  I'm terrified of high places, but I've walked across a log 30 feet in the air with one of my students, with BOTH of us blindfolded.  Sure, we were harnessed in, but we still had to fall, and that was really scary.  But I faced my fear.  And I feel better about it now.  Face your fear and make that appointment.  Okay?

I have been and will be praying for you.

hugs,
carl