Expert: Carl Fuglein - 7/25/2006

Question

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Followup To

Question -
Dear Carl,

I am a Christian.

I was datting a christian girl from school around March. Everything was going well, you know we were together, hugging and kissing, but thats it. Then she went on a mission trip, and when she got back, she told me relationships are frowned upon, and let me go, just to be a friend. Is this true?

I dont see the concern if we are both Catholics and wanted to be with each other. Could u give me a quote or section from the bible that could help?

Answer -
Monty-

Please tell me how old you are and how old your friend is - I can't really answer until I know.  The answer will be different depending on your age.

My opinion is thta "dating" is not necessarily bad, but in order to give you more information, I really need to know how old you are.

carl


oops... sorry
we are both 17


Answer
Monty-

At age 17, I certainly don't think there should be any prohibition about dating.  You're at an age where you should be making relationships with people your age, both male and female - you're at the age when you begin to learn what life is really like, and begin preparing yourself for either a married life or single life.

So, what's dating?  Well, there's many definitions, but a common one would be a guy or girl calls up someone of the opposite sex, asks them to go out to a dinner and/or movie, and the calling person pays for it all.  To me, that's a date.  It could, but doesn't have to, end with a good night kiss and a hug.  If it's a second or third  or more date, then it could lead to a little more involved hugging or kissing.

The issue is, when does the hugging and kissing cross the line and become "wrong".  That's a very difficult question, as it may be different for each individual.  When the kissing becomes more physical and you become aroused, then you should stop.

The ultimate purpose of dating, of course, is to find a mate; i.e., find someone that you might want to spend the rest of your life with. At 17, you probably shouldn't be thinking too much about marrying, because you need to go to school or college.  But there's no reason why you shouldn't date to get an idea of what it is like to be in a relationship with someone, even if it never results in marriage - but be aware, the more you go out with someone, the more likely you are to "cross the line" in a physical relationship which you SHOULDN'T do.

Now, what happened with your friend to change her mind about your previous kissing and hugging relationship?  Well a couple things might have happened.  First, if she's Roman Catholic, perhaps she "confessed" her kissing and hugging to the priest - and if she did, the priest probably told her it was wrong.  Another reason might be that she was getting closer to the "line" and she didn't want the relationship to go too far.  Perhaps her parents told her she couldn't date.  Maybe she got tired of you and realized that you just weren't compatible.  Maybe she went on the mission trip and found someone else.

What to do?  First off, I'd ask her what happened on the mission trip to change her mind about dating.  If she says "dating is frowned upon", ask her who said that, and why she all of a sudden decided to listen to it.  Be blunt with her and ask her if she was worried about crossing the line.  And finally, maybe she just isn't the right girl for you.

Being rejected is always hard, but maybe that's the case.  I would want to get more info from her.

I cannot think of any Bible verses that would either encourage or prohibit dating.  It's an individual situation that is best decided by yourself.  It takes two to date, and unless both persons are willing, it's not going to happen, so you're just going to have to deal with it.

I hope this helps some.  Please feel free to write again if you still have questions.

blessings,

carl