Expert: Brenda Martin - 9/30/2007

Question
Brenda...
Oh where should I start. I have always thought that I was a Christian... just a Christian who messed up WAY MORE THAN NORMAL. Two years ago I was not living a Christian life and was in an AWFUL relationship with a guy for about a year and a half prior to that. Two years ago I got pregnant and shortly after I had an abortion.  I am now a very strong Christian and i am going through bible based post abortive counceling.  My question is... my fiance and I used to live together and have sex but since I have become more religious and have been trying to have a relationship with God.  I kinda have three questions. One, how do we both become 'born again' virgins? Two, What can we do to keep away from the temptations of having sex. Once you have already done it for so long... its so hard to just stop.. but we both want to stop, until we get married. Three.. we screwed up recently and had sex... unprotected and I'm not on birth control. It was basically like we were trying to get pregnant. So I think that I might get pregnant from this. I wont know for 3 weeks... but what my third question is -- do you thinking using the Plan B pill is as bad as an abortion?? I have so many mixed thoughts about this and I just need a second opinion.. a christian perspective.. I dont know what to do!! We aren't planning on getting married until April, but if I am pregnant we were thinking about getting married December 1st. The hardest part, is if I'm pregnant.. before I'm married.. I have to tell my parents. In the midst of me getting close to God and them knowing I am .... its just gunna be hard!!
So... any advice?!

Thanks so much,
              Andie

Answer
Hi Andie, you asked--"HOW DO WE BOTH BECOME 'BORN AGAIN' VIRGINS?"

Mmm let me explain something about becoming “born again”; preachers lull the public into a false sense of security with their indiscriminate use of “born again” and “once saved, always saved” slogans and theology. Millions of people from nearly every religion and sect of Christendom have been led to believe that they are “born again” and “saved.” Unblushing politicians blithely make the same claim. Yes, their favourite preachers tell them that they are at peace with God because they are “saved”—and this in spite of their religious, political, and nationalistic divisions!

When in fact the Bible paints a completely different picture;-

A careful study of God’s Word and Christ’s teachings shows that only a limited number share the privilege of being born again, born ‘from water and from spirit,’ thus to share heavenly rulership with Christ. (John 3:3-5; Romans 8:16, 17; Revelation 14:1-3)

The “great crowd” of true Christians today do not need to be born again, since their hope of everlasting life is earthly, not heavenly. (2 Peter 3:13; Revelation 21:3, 4)

Furthermore, Christendom’s teaching is based on a false premise—that man has an immortal soul in need of salvation. Nowhere in the Bible is there support for such a doctrine, which is in fact derived from ancient Greek philosophy.

We do not need to be “born again” to attain to salvation—

Rev. 7:9, 10, 17: “After these things [after the apostle John heard the number of those who would be “born again,” those who would make up spiritual Israel and would be with Christ in heaven; compare Romans 2:28, 29 and Galatians 3:26-29] I saw, and, look! a great crowd, which no man was able to number, out of all nations and tribes and peoples and tongues, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, dressed in white robes; and there were palm branches in their hands. And they keep on crying with a loud voice, saying: ‘Salvation we owe to our God, who is seated on the throne, and to the Lamb.’ . . . ‘The Lamb [Jesus Christ], who is in the midst of the throne, will shepherd them, and will guide them to fountains of waters of life.’”

After listing many pre-Christian persons of faith, Hebrews 11:39, 40 says: “All these, although they had witness borne to them through their faith, did not get the fulfillment of the promise, as God foresaw something better for us, in order that they might not be made perfect apart from us.” (Who are here meant by “us”? Hebrews 3:1 shows that they are “partakers of the heavenly calling.” The pre-Christian persons who had faith, then, must have a hope for perfect life somewhere other than in heaven.)

Ps. 37:29: “The righteous themselves will possess the earth, and they will reside forever upon it.”

But we can discuss this at greater length another time if you like.

WHAT CAN WE DO TO KEEP AWAY FROM THE TEMPTATIONS OF HAVING SEX?

Here is a bible based article on the subject—

Young People Ask . . .
How Can I Avoid Premarital Sex?

“FLEE from fornication,” commands the Bible. (1 Corinthians 6:18) Few young ones today, however, seem willing to obey the Bible’s words and refrain from sex until they are married. Some, like Laci, have given in to their desires and have suffered pain and a troubled conscience.

Admittedly, it is not easy to control one’s sexual urges. As the textbook Adolescent Development observes, the hormonal changes of puberty inevitably result in “accompanying increases in sexual impulses.” Admits Paul, “At times, thoughts about sex enter my mind without any apparent cause or reason.”

Yet, professor of pediatrics Howard Kulin notes: “It is a great oversimplification to blame [adolescent] behavior solely on hormones.” He explains that social factors also play a role. Indeed, social factors—particularly the influence of peers—can be very persuasive.

In her book A Tribe Apart, writer Patricia Hersch says that “young people have built their own community. . . . More than a group of peers, it becomes in isolation [from adults] a society with its own values, ethics, rules.” However, the “ethics” and “rules” of many young ones today often promote indulging sexual impulses, not controlling them. Many may thus feel pressured to try premarital sex.

Even so, Christian youths are wisely determined to avoid all forms of fornication, knowing that God condemns it as one of “the works of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:19) How, though, can you remain chaste in the face of great pressures?

Seek Wise Companions

Interestingly, while social pressures can influence you negatively, the right kind of friends can influence you in a positive way. It is as the Bible says: “He that is walking with wise persons will become wise.” (Proverbs 13:20; 1 Corinthians 15:33) A report from the World Health Organization (WHO) observed that “adolescents who have meaningful relationships with parents, other caring adults, and peers” and “who are provided with structure and boundaries . . . are less likely to initiate sexual activity.”

Having meaningful relationships with your parents can be particularly rewarding. Recalls Joseph, “My parents definitely helped me to resist the pressures to experiment with sex.” Indeed, godly parents can provide structure and boundaries for you that are based on God’s Word. (Ephesians 6:2, 3) They can support you in your efforts to remain chaste.

Granted, speaking to them about sexual matters may be awkward at first. But you may be surprised at how well they understand what you are feeling. After all, they were young once themselves. Sonja, therefore, advises other young ones, “Go to your parents, and don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed to talk about sex.”

What if your parents don’t follow Bible standards? While still honoring them, you may need to seek some guidance from outside your family. Paul, quoted earlier, says, “I get great help in this area from mature Christian married couples.” Kenji, a young girl whose mother is an unbeliever, likewise says, “For advice, I stick to mature ones who are spiritually upbuilding.” But she cautions, “I avoid those who lack strong moral standards, even if they claim to share my religious beliefs.”

At times, it may be necessary to watch your association within the Christian congregation. The Bible reminds us that in any large group, there will often be some who do not conduct themselves honorably. (2 Timothy 2:20) What should you do if you discover that some of the youths in your congregation, in effect, “hide what they are”? (Psalm 26:4) Avoid close association with such ones, and seek out friends who will support your determination to stay morally clean.

Reject Harmful Propaganda

You should also take steps to protect yourself from the flood of sexual images and innuendos that are dispensed through books, magazines, music videos, video games, movies, and the Internet. The media portray premarital sex as glamorous, enjoyable, and risk free. The effect? Kenji, quoted above, admits: “I watched a show where sex was treated casually and even had homosexual overtones. As a result, I began to forget how seriously Jehovah views these matters.”

The truth is, popular entertainment often cleverly masks the unpleasant realities of premarital sex—unwanted pregnancies, premature marriages, and sexually transmitted diseases. So do not be taken in by those “who are saying that good is bad and bad is good.”—Isaiah 5:20.

Remember the words of Proverbs 14:15: “Anyone inexperienced puts faith in every word, but the shrewd one considers his steps.” If you come upon sexually suggestive or arousing images while reading, surfing the Net, or watching TV, take immediate action! Close that book, shut down your computer, or switch channels! Then focus your thoughts on something else—something wholesome.
(Philippians 4:8) By doing so, you can halt wrong desires before they have time to grow.—James 1:14, 15.

Beware of Compromising Situations

Are you dating someone? Then there is a need for you to be on guard. The Bible warns us: “The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate.” (Jeremiah 17:9) It is easy to allow displays of affection to turn into sexual misconduct. Take reasonable precautions, such as having a suitable chaperon or dating in wholesome groups. Avoid being alone in tempting situations.

Perhaps, though, you are engaged to marry and feel that some physical displays of affection would be appropriate. Even so, a WHO report warns: “When marriage is imminent, premarital sex seems to occur among the majority of women, even in conservative settings.” Therefore, set limits on displays of affection and thus protect yourself from needless heartbreak.

Shocking though it may seem, many youths—especially young girls—are forced or coerced into having sex. According to one study, “60 percent of U.S. adolescent girls who had sex before age 15 did so involuntarily.” Perpetrators often use power to overwhelm their victims. (Ecclesiastes 4:1) For example, the Bible tells us that King David’s son Amnon “fell in love” with his half sister Tamar and through trickery forced her to have sex.—2 Samuel 13:1, 10-16.

This does not mean that it is impossible to prevent rape or coerced sex. By being alert to danger, avoiding compromising circumstances, and taking quick action when there is a threat, you can do much to protect yourself.

“Unify” Your Heart

We hope that the suggestions we have discussed here will help you in your fight to remain chaste. But in the long run, what is in your heart will determine your behavior. Jesus said that “out of the heart come . . . fornications.” (Matthew 15:19) You must therefore resist the tendency to become either “halfhearted” (lukewarm) or ‘doublehearted’ (hypocritical) on this very important issue.—Psalm 12:2; 119:113.

If you ever feel your resolve weakening or feel a conflict within your heart, pray as did David when he pleaded: “Unify my heart to fear your name.” (Psalm 86:11) After that, work in harmony with your prayer by studying the Bible and Bible-based publications and applying what you learn. (James 1:22) Lydia says, “I am motivated to resist sexual temptations by always remembering that ‘no fornicator or unclean person has any inheritance in the kingdom of God.’”—Ephesians 5:5.

Avoiding premarital sex may not be easy. But with Jehovah’s help, you can keep yourself chaste and spare yourself and others a lot of pain and suffering.—Proverbs 5:8-12.

DO YOU THINKING USING THE PLAN B PILL IS AS BAD AS AN ABORTION?

Both methods kill the unborn; I leave that decision with you—

The National Observer focused on an important ethical aspect of the matter, stating: “DES (morning after pill) does not prevent pregnancy. Its popular designation as a contraceptive is misleading. DES causes abortion.”

All the best
Brenda