Expert: Brenda Martin - 3/25/2006

Question
So, I have been a follower of God all my life, but in a way, I have never been a follower a follower of God. I feel that the point of life is to love people, and quite frankly people have different ways of showing their love, hence me having similarities with Christ in loving all people. I am a weird person because I cry and weep for strangers I do not know. My mind is perpetually brought to the thoughts of suffering that people go through. I am not a self-centered person at all-yes, I realized that I make myself sound self-centered by saying that... At the same time, I have not devoloped my faith enough to feel like God is my stable ground yet. I believe in God and in the trinity, for I have seen him twice in my life. I've read the bible, but never enough. To be completely honest, I get very mad at God constantly, which I supposed is a major weakness of me. I get mad because people are suffering. I can't be happy knowing what God has blessed me with, and what he hasn't given others, keeping them in sorrow. I am also hard of hearing and I wear hearing aids. Being a freshmen in college, my life just got a whole bunch harder, so I guess I am fustrated with that. So...maybe what I said above is why I am so weak.

My life has become harder this first year of college, but God blessed me tremendously with a boyfriend. He has become my best friend. He is the sweetest man I've ever known. He is the one who got the school to get me a tty phone and to get the help I need to make my school academics a little easier. He is the one who picked me back up when I broke down out of wearyness. And he does sign language and he encouraged me to take a class and now all I do is sign language. I have found a part of my life that I was never a part of. And I can clearly see God in him and God acting through him. He helps so many other people, not just me. (His name is Luke). In everything that he has done for me. We actually have only been going out for 6 months. But something happened.

Luke knows my faith and is very supportive of it, and because of me, he has been drawn to the faith of God through me. He currently attends church with me and recently we signed at a church the songs. I made it clear to him, that I would not have sex with him before I was married, but in a way, I guess that was the only thing I had off limits. Umm...but last night, we went a little far and he fingered me and I touched him sexually. So right now, I am really confused what to think.

I didn't stop him....because to be honest, I was enjoying it, and at the moment, I was not thinking about what God would want us to do together. I asked for God's forgiveness this morning.

I don't feel like we had sex, but in reality, we did because of the nature of what we did together. This will not continue to happen, it was just to opportunity presented itself and allowed it to happen. (both of our roommate were gone). But at the same time, am I just making excuses, and I am this horrible sinner who should be stoned...or can God forgive me for such action on my part? I don't know what to think right now.

He is ok with it, because he has not devoloped his faith enough to know that what we did could be seen as wrong in the eyes of God. I am embarrassed I did it, but at the same time, I am not, because I did this type of behavior with someone I love, with someone with no bad intentions.

After it happened, he realized how far we sort of went and how close were to having penetration sex and he asked me if I was ok. I said, yeah, and he asked if he broke my promise to God, because he would never want to do that.  I told him, he did not break my promise. The fact is, I don't know if he did. Did he? It is not his fault at all, it is more my fault, because I lead it there and allowed it to happen. So technically, you could say I am a virgin if you have a specific definition of sex, but I am not if you take into context what we did.

All in all, I feel ok with what I did, and I release my guilt to God and I am moving on. But, is this a good thing...should I think about what did further in detail. Can I still consider myself a virgin? When I made my promise to God, I remember promising that (forgive me for being blunt) that no penis would enter my vagina until I was married. I guess, I just need to remember that God still thinks of me as his child...right?

Ok...that is a whole load off my chest. Thank you for listening.

christine  

Answer
Our heavenly Father tells us to avoid not just fornication but also “uncleanness.” (1 Thess. 4:7) While this term covers a wide range, it refers to conduct that is morally repugnant. For instance, masturbation (sexual self-abuse) is an ‘unclean' habit that many young persons have engaged in. It certainly whips up the “sexual appetite” and can cause extreme guilt. In some cases where the person did not seriously strive to overcome it, this pattern of thinking created problems after marriage. One young man was shocked to find that after marriage his long pattern of sexual self-gratification made him unable to provide the marriage “due.” Months of misery followed!—1 Cor. 7:3.

Some couples have engaged in passionate, sexually stimulating touching of intimate body parts. This is also “uncleanness” and could easily—and often does—lead to immoral sexual intercourse.

Never forget that “God is one who exacts punishment for all these things [fornication and uncleanness].” (1 Thess. 4:6) This punishment may be a painful conscience, discipline from congregational elders, or reaping the consequences of what you sow. Of course, if we are repentant, God freely forgives and completely covers our sins.

Brenda