Expert: Dr Tim Gladu - 4/10/2007

Question
Hey Dr Tim

Just over a year ago i was sexually assaulted by a stranger on my way home from my final exams, it took a while before my parents found out but they did. The case against the guy (he also did the same to 3 other woman) (he was 13!!!) took 6 months to sort out. This ripped me up inside and i struggled with issues of hate,bitterness and low self esteem. As a result of all this i received counseling. I don't (and really cant) talk about this with my parents (they didnt even know i went to see a counselor!)

At the moment i'm thinking about forgivess towards the guy - many of the people i have told at church tell me to forgive and forget or "let god sort it out"
I feel like this sorta invalidates what i went thru. This issue has become a part of me almost.
how can i let go if this bitterness without forgetting or invalidating my experience? What is forgiveness really??

Thanks :)

Louisa

Answer
Louisa,

No one can tell you how to feel and that guy took something without it being given. He took something that is to be given to the one God means for you to be with. God can heal all wounds and the advice to give it to God is on the right track. You are having the feelings of forgiveness because if you have given your life to Christ His is the spirit of forgiveness and that is why you feel that you should forgive this guy. The ability to forgive ad forget is a very Godly trait and if you can do it I admire that in you. The Lord asks us to forgive because He forgave us and we have the gift of salvation not to be taken lightly. Forgiveness means you are taking a step to be able to move on with your life and let that part of your life go and not let it have any power over you. I can not tell you that you will be able to truly forget what happened, but by forgiving this guy you no longer give him any power over you and your life. I hope that God gives you the peace that you are seeking and allows you to move forward with the rest of your life. I would also suggest that you continue to seek counseling from someone who you can truly open up to and will not pass judgement. I hope you have someone in your life that if not your parents then someone who can help you with this issue.

God Bless