Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 11/23/2004

Question
Hi,
    I feel strange coming onto AllExperts for advice...but right now I just want to ask something.
    I'm a Christian, 17 years old and I decided a long time ago not to flippantly pursue any guy who comes my way or shows even a little interest in me. It's been hard, because a lot of my  friends do so, but I definitely think it's worth it.
    That's not to say I don't have feelings about guys. There was a certain guy in my church youth group who I liked ever since I entered high school. The fact that he was three years older frusterated me, and because I was a freshman and he was a senior, he knew me only as a girl in youth group. Anyway, he went off to college but instead joined the Marines, and now that I'm a senior, you could say I've grown up a little. I thought I had got completely over him; even when he came back on weekends I thought I had my emotions under control. Wrong. All of a sudden, he is showing an interest in me and we have been talking quite a bit lately after church, and he has been genuinely concerned about me.
    Frankly, I'm scared to like him. I feel like God is teasing me by putting this guy right in front of me but not quite letting me have him. I know that's completely biblically unsound, but that's just the way I feel. Therefore, I almost wonder if it's worth getting to know him more. I don't want to get dissapointed again if it's not in the Lord's will, but I wonder if I'm being too pessimistic. I feel like God would never let me get to know such an awesome and godly and great and smart guy.
    What's up with that?  

Answer
Dear LM,

Thanks for this great question.  Let me give you a few items to consider.

1.  Consult God's Word.  There are certain things that are non-negotiable for a believer.

2 Corinthians 6:14-17
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said,  I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

2.  Make sure that you remain pure before marriage by deciding ahead of time not to be physically involved if a relationship should develop.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

Romans 13:14
14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.

The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

3.  Get advise!  The first person you should talk to about this guy is your dad.  God has plac ed him in your life to protect you and lead you.  Your pastor would also be another source of wisdom.  Respect and learn from their oppinions.  Then see what wonderful things God has for you.

In Christ,
Pastor Don