Expert: Carl Fuglein - 1/25/2007

Question
I HAVE A QUIESTION?
I AM GOING TO START TAKING OVER THE YOUNG LADIES FREE AT LAST MEETINGS AT MY CHURCH AND THE GIRLS ARE BETWEEN THE AGES OF 13 AND 19.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS AS TO WHAT I CAN TALK TO THE GIRLS ABOUT, OR MAYBE SOME SCRIPTURES THAT COULD HELP TEENS BUILD A STRONGER RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST?
I CAN ALWAYS USE ALL THE HELP I CAN. AND I DEFINETLY WANT SOMETHING THAT WILL GRAB THERE ATTENTION TO WANT TO CONTINUE COMMING TO THE CLASS.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP.

Answer
Hi Marie-

First of all, may God Bless you for working with teenagers - you are about to embark on a journey that at times will be frustrating, but in the long run will be very rewarding.

SEcond, I'm sure you didn't know it, but I need to let you know some Internet etiquette, called "netiquette".  Typing in ALL CAPS is considered SHOUTING and generally reserved for when you are really, really angry at someone.  Sice you're seeking my advice, I'm sure that you wouldn't be shouting at me, so you just didn't know.  I'm not upset, I just wanted to let you know.

Now for an answer to your question.  Well, it depends.  It depends on a lot of things.  How many girls do you have?  Is this a Sunday School class, or is it more like a youth group? Why is it girls only?  Why did you get chosen to lead it?  How old are you? What denomination church is it, and/or what is your theological stance:  conservative or liberal?

For starters, I'm going to assume that it is a Sunday School class and that it is a small group, less than 10 girls.  If it's larger than that, then it probably needs to be split into smaller groups.  In groups larger than 8-10, you will have some girls that will never say anything as they are too shy or have low self-esteem - one of the things that you will want to work on is trying to raise their self esteem, and the way to start that is to get them to talk.

First of all, you need to listen, listen, listen.  Listen more than you talk.  Ask them what they want to talk about.  Ask them questions that cannot be answered with a yes or no, e.g., "What did you talk about in your English class last week?"; don't ask, "Did you enjoy your English class last week?"  Ask them what their hopes and fears and goals are.  Find out what social issues are troubling them.  Then, turn to your Bible to determine what it says about those issues.

For starters, I highly recommend a book:  "Small Group Q's" by Laurie Polich.  You can find it at Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Small-Group-Qs-Laurie-Polich/dp/0310240239/sr=1-1/qid=1169...

This book has enough questions on enough topics to last you for a year.  Teens generally like to answer questions.
I'd also recommend anything else that Laurie has written.  I've been to a couple seminars led by her, and she has a heart for working with small groups.

Go here:  http://www.ymexchange.com and join the Youth Ministry Exchange for $5 a year.  This has articles and links of interst, but also has a very active forum where you can interact with other youth ministers - topics range from theology to ministry in general to current events to randomness (which is pure silliness for a diversion).  I'm a very active member of this community and one of the owners is a good friend of mine.  It's absolutely worth $5 to join - if you can't afford that, email to adam@ymexchange and ask him if you can get a scholarship tell him aintnorock sent you (that's me).  There are scholarships available.  This community will give you a TON of ideas, and talking with other youth ministers will encourage you.

Finally some advice.  These are my rules for Youth Ministry, there are only 3:

Love God.
Love Kids.
Learn how to tap dance.

Love God is obvious - if you love the Lord, it will show.  Be yourself - don't force this as kids can spot a phony from miles away.  Just let your love of God flow through you.

Love Kids.  Don't BE a kid, just love them.  You can be silly and act like a kid if that's your personality, but if it's not, the kids will know.  They need an adult, and that's you. If you truly love them, it will show.  And listen, listen, listen.  You might learn some stuff - I do every time I'm with the kids.

Learn how to tap dance.  This one is a bit more difficult to explain, but I'll try.  What it means is that the best lesson of your life - one that you spent hours preparing and researching - well, it's gonna fall flat on its face sometimes.  So, be prepared to change direction, sometimes in the middle of a lesson if it's not working, and when it doesn't work, then you start tap dancing - literally if you can, figuratively if you can;t.  And the lesson that just comes to you when you react to something that happens just before class or yesterday in the community - well that's the lesson they're gonna remember.  Some of my best lessons have been spur of the moment - always be open to the Holy Spirit.

And finally - pray - pray for guidance, and pray for your kids, and pray WITH your kids.  Sometimes it's hard to get kids to pray out loud, but once you do, they won't want to stop.  In our Bible study and youth group, we ALWAYS end with prayer - teens prayers are some of the most powerful prayers I've ever heard.


Here's a couple other links for you:

Youth Specialties - a Christian publishing house that specializes in publications for teens.  They also offer one day training sessions in the spring called the CORE - there will be one close to you whereever you are - they're not too expensive, and you'll learn a ton of stuff in just a day.  In the fall, they offer conventions:   National Youth Workers Convention.  If you can afford it, I highly recommend it.  I know several of the people who run this organization, and I've been to both the CORE and the NYWC.  You can find them here:  http://www.youthspecialties.com

For some miscellanous ideas for both classes and activities, go here:  http://www.egadideas.com/  Egad Ideas is aboslutely free and has a ton of ideas.

Subscribe to Teen Daily Devotional and get a daily email directed at teens - you can often adapt these devotionals for use in a class:  Subscribe at http://www.tddm.org/  It's free.

Go here, too, for articles, devotions and ideas:  http://www.christianitytoday.com/teens/

Well, that ought to keep you busy for an hour or two.  Marie, you are blessed to have this opportunity.  I pray that God will use you in a powerful way.  

Please take the time to rate my answer - it's the only feedback we get as experts.

blessings,
carl