Expert: Carl Fuglein - 11/8/2004

Question
I have been fighting homosexuality for 20 years, My point of this question is that many young people take their lives because "I would rather be dead than gay". Luckly, I have survived, or maybe not. My problem is that all you consolers have NO idea what it is like to be born gay. It is NOT a choice at all like some research has said. I knew I was gay when I hit puberty and tried to change. I made a choice to be straight and was married for 12 years and have 3 wonderfull children. I was gay then and am still gay. I have never had one single gay experience in my life, because I choose not too. But that does not change my desires. Sex is a very strong part of a mans life. I will be fighting depression all my life because of what god made me. I was brought up in a very eductaed and christian familly and could not even bare to admit that I was gay. So many young people are dieing because we don't understand. I am 34 years old and very unhappy and refuse to admit or concede to my attraction to guys. Even at me maturity and age I would "rather be dead than be gay". The point of this message is to help the people helping us, Truely there is no way to feel the pain as you can not even understand if you do not have those feelings. I feel deeply sorry for all those effected like myself. Is there help? probably not...Being raised in a strong christian familly there is no doupt that god/Jesus Does not endorse this behavior, But if not-Why did he make us like this!
All the religious people say its a choice, Well My GOD I have tried to make a choice! Why am I still Gay!!
I am on Prozac which helps me greatly, but I will still allways be lonely and gay and unhappy...
Please try to research what this is all about and save these poor young people that have no reason to live(or so they beleive)-But I could not tell you why. I personally want to see my kids grow and do well, but other than that- I have no reason to live a long life and hope I die at an early age.
Please!Please! help these kids going thru what I have- There has got to be a reason!!! Why me!!!  

Answer
Russ-

I agree wholeheartedly that being gay is not a choice, but that you are born that way, and I have consistently believed that for almost 40 years.  What I tell the kids in my youth group is simply this:  BEING gay is not a sin.  Practicing homosexuality, i.e., gay sex, IS a sin.  So is lying, stealing, adultery, murder, lust and a myriad of other things.  I've had a couple gay students in my youth group.  They are now both in their 20's and are still my friends, even though they both practice gay sex.  It's not up to me to condemn them, and I won't.  They DO know, however, how I feel about their sexual practices.

It seems like this is more of a rant than a question.  You apparently are in some kind of therapy (I'm assuming this because you take Prozac), and if you're not, you should be.  It's admirable of you that you have resisted your urges.  I'm sure that God is pleased with that.

I'm not sure what your question is, Russ.  If your question is only, "Why Me?", I can't possibly begin to answer it.  We all have burdens to bear, and God will help us through them.  

It's apparent that you are suffering, and I would offer these verses of scripture to help you accept your challenges and move on.

2 Corinthians: 7  To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.
8  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.
9  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
10  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Romans 5:1  Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
2  through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
3  Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
4  perseverance, character; and character, hope.
5  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.


I don't know that I've helped you at all, but I would appreciate your taking the time to grade my answer, and also let me know if you have additional questions.

Blessings,
carl