Expert: Brenda Martin - 10/20/2005

Question
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Followup To
Question -
Recently there has been this girl I like we talked and I devolped a crush but even though she claims to be Chrisitian she doesn't lead the life. She created her own porn site has lots of sex, cusses, drinks and is possibly bisexual...given I tried to forget her and just be her friend. I currently like a much stronger Christian. However I realize I still have feelings for this girl I tried to forget I keep wanting to help her somehow but I don't know how because I still like her somewhat and I find it impossible to directly talk to her about it what do I do? Please if you could help me I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.--Matthew
Answer -
"I currently like a much stronger Christian. However I realize I still have feelings for this girl"

Do you know why that is, because we are all born imperfect, sinners, so by nature it is natural for us to want what is bad and be attracted to what is wrong. You still like the previous girl because she appeals to your fallen flesh, plain and simple, the difficult part in trying to please God is, FIGHTING these natural tendencies,this is what the bible describes as a "battle"

The spiritual side of you likes the "much stronger Christian" if you want to please God, you have to keep on developing that side of you and it is an ongoing thing.

The first girl is busy cultivating her fleshly side and no good can come of her or her actions.

the choice is yours

all the best
Brenda

Dear Brenda,
         What you say makes sense however regardless I still want to help her. Personally I don't like the thought of her going to hell are there any suggestions you have on ways I could talk to her about what she's doing without sounding preachy I'm not trying to date her or anything I just want to be friend and know before I leave high school that I'll see her again one day in heaven. again I'm not trying to have any type of romantic relationship with her. If you could answer this I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you for your time.-Matthew

Answer
HI Matthew, you said--"DON'T LIKE THE THOUGHT OF HER GOING TO HELL"

Lovely that you are concerned about a friend,but that is a church teaching, not a bible teaching, there is no fiery place where the wicked go, God would have to be a sadist to invent such a place. But that is another story.

"I'LL SEE HER AGAIN ONE DAY IN HEAVEN".

Now while its true, there is to be a resurrection for the dead, again the churches teach; “all good people go to heaven” the bible doesn't, I have no desire to go to heaven and yet I have been a Christian for over 30 years. But that is something for another time.

Meanwhile how to help this girl, here are some thoughts--

There are two roads stretching out in front of today's youths. The one Christian young people have chosen to follow is a narrow and difficult one. Its boundaries are set by the laws and principles of God's written Word. That is why its width is limited. As Jesus Christ stayed within those boundaries so they strive to do.

The other road is a broad one without boundaries because the young people who walk it have no respect for the laws of God. They imagine themselves to be free to do whatever they please, and they think they can decide for themselves what is right and what is wrong.

Actually God reserves to himself the right to decide that for mankind. Consequently they have a mental state that God disapproves. Many of them are “haters of God, insolent, haughty, self-assuming, inventors of injurious things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, false to agreements, having no natural affection, merciless.” (Rom. 1:28-31)

The future of the young people who walk this road is eternal death,(not torture) but the future of those walking the narrow road as Christ's disciples is just the opposite—eternal life.—Matt. 7:13, 14.

Watchfulness is necessary on the part of the young people walking that narrow road. All that separates them from the descending, broad road are the protective boundaries of God's laws and principles. It is possible for the bad influence of worldly young people to cause a young person on this road to violate those boundaries and fall to the broad road.

Getting back on the narrow one can be very difficult. Once off it he can be swept along with the crowd that is alienated from God, being drawn farther and farther from the narrow road to life until it is lost from sight. Would it not be better for him to exercise foresight and not permit the bad influence of worldly young people to cause him to take a wrong step?

Maybe you can use something from this information “without being preachy” but what you cannot do is, associate, or take an interest in what she is involved with, as your aim is to help her come out of the “mud” of the world and you cannot do that if you go and roll in the mud with her (so to speak) you must show her by your conduct and your happy life that she is missing out on something.

All the best
Brenda