Expert: Brenda Martin - 11/27/2006

Question
In recent weeks i have been doing a lot of research on the subject and i know that the bible clearly says that fornication is wrong and a sin. However I feel (perhaps wrongly) that my situation is a bit different. also, WHAT CONSTITUES MARRIAGE IN A CHRISTIAN SENSE?

I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years now, she is 20 and I am 18.  We are both solid in our Christian faith and have been struggling with this issue for the last few months.  We have promised ourselves to each other and have a deep undying love which, like all love,I believe comes from God.  We will get married in a few years after we are both out of college.  So basically my question is, Is it ok for us to have sex?  It seems to me that the promise and the love from the lord is what constitutes marriage in a Christian sense, not the legalities. After all, If a man and a woman are married but do not truly love each other, is sex no longer a sin?

I realize that you probably get a love of kids saying they are in "love" and "plan to get married" and are probably only in lust. i know in my heart that i am in love and i would do anything for her, i would die for her without a second of thought and i know that she feels the same, i wish i could express that our love is true and pure.

Answer
HI there Bobby, you said--"LOVE FROM THE LORD IS WHAT CONSTITUTES MARRIAGE, NOT THE LEGALITIES".

Were there any “legal formalities” when Adam and Eve began to live together?

Gen. 2:22-24: (Notice that it was God himself, the Universal Sovereign, who brought Adam and Eve together. This was not a matter of a man and a woman deciding to live together without concerning themselves about legal authority. Observe, too, the emphasis that God placed on the permanence of the union.)

Gen. 1:28: (Here the blessing of the highest legal Authority was pronounced upon the union, they were authorized to have sex relations and were given an assignment that would fill their lives with meaning.)

(Genesis 2:24) “one flesh” is possible only in a complete, exclusive, legal, lifelong relationship—nowhere else.

Lastly; God says to be obedient to the “superior authorities” or governments, these legal bodies today say a marriage needs to be registered etc. so the “legalities” are important, as disobeying them is tantamount to disobeying God.

"IS IT OK FOR US TO HAVE SEX?"

Without question NO!

1 Thess. 4:3-8: “This is what God wills . . . that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in covetous sexual appetite such as also those nations have which do not know God; that no one go to the point of harming and encroach upon the rights of his brother in this matter, because God is one who exacts punishment for all these things, just as we told you beforehand and also gave you a thorough witness. For God called us, not with allowance for uncleanness, but in connection with sanctification. So, then, the man that shows disregard is disregarding, not man, but God, who puts his holy spirit in you.” (The Greek word por•nei´a, translated “fornication,” refers to sexual intercourse between unmarried persons, also to extramarital relations on the part of married persons.)

Eph. 5:5: “No fornicator or unclean person or greedy person—which means being an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and of God.” (This does not mean that anyone who in the past was a fornicator cannot enjoy the blessings of God’s Kingdom, but he must cease that way of life in order to have God’s approval. See 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.)

IF A MAN AND A WOMAN ARE MARRIED BUT DO NOT TRULY LOVE EACH OTHER, IS SEX NO LONGER A SIN?

The couple are married, so sex is not a sin, no. The scriptures tell us the; “heart is treacherous who can know it” we are all born imperfect and so our thoughts and desires are inherently wrong, our imperfect heart will excuse us and even make rational reasons why we are correct.

“Do not become wise in your own eyes. Fear God and turn away from bad” (proverbs 3; 7)

“There exists a way that is upright before a man, but the ways of death are the end of it afterward. (Proverbs 14; 12)

All the best
Brenda