Expert: Dr Tim Gladu - 5/18/2007

Question
Hello! Dr Tim Gladu,

I am Nik. I met this girl in my graduate school an year and a half ago. We became friends very quickly. We started liking each other and we spent a lot of time in sharing feelings and to understand each other. Now we are so close that both of us cannot stay atleast for 1 day without talking. We haven't been into any hard sexual relationship though.

She is such a nice human being that she has most of the qualities that bible tells us to develop to be a good christian. She is kind, peaceful natured, caring and human loving person. One quality of hers that I like the most is that she never lets anger or frustation to enter into her life. She cares a lot for me and for my needs and I do the same. After such a long relationship we now want to get married.

But the problem is that she is not a christian and my mom will not agree for that. Can you please guide me biblically how to deal with this issue? I am infact totally confused. Though she is not a christian she has never been a hinderance to my spiritual life. Moreover she encorages me to become more spiritual and prayerful.

She is a very good human and I feel that she is the right one for me. We are sure that we can lead a happy life if we get married and stay together.

Please tell me how to convince my mom about her.

Thank you for you time, Dr Tim.

Regards,
Nik.  

Answer
Nik,

I do understand that you feel that this girl is the right one for you. I also think that if she does have all these qualities then why is she not a Christian. Does she just not believe or is there something else going on here. The wise decision is not to marry someone and hope that one day they will choose to become Christian. You have some really hard decision to make if she will not consider the grace of God and became Christian. I hope that you have told her the gospel and shared your faith with her. Biblically we are not be unevenly yoked. There is a very good reason for this. When we get married we are to become on flesh. If she is not a Christian then you will not be one flesh. She may not believe that marriage is for life and one day decide that she needs to move on with her life and without you. If marriage is the next step in your relationship you need to make sure that your life together will make it so you are able to grow spiritually together. One of you will suffer if you do not decide what you will be before you get married because what happens when the children are a part, do they go to church or not. Please think this through very carefully and speak to a local pastor for further advice.

God Bless