Expert: Carl Fuglein - 7/25/2006

Question

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Hey, carl it me again I really want to thank you again for your response to the question i asked you last week pertaining to french kissing. anyways I have another question and its a tough situation. I was talking to her on the internet the other day and she comes up with a game 5 questions so she can get to know me better. Anyways she asked me her questions and I asked her mine. I asked her what the biggest mistake of he life was and when she was "saved". Anyways I get a strange answer about the mistake. she later tells me of a time at work where she had a mangager that was married and he tried to enter a relaaionship with her. Anyways she goes onto tell me that she got into a car with him but nothing happened (sexually). Well i started reading my Bible and I was reading the Corinthian scripture about sexual immorality and it got me worried. She did tell me that she was saved at the age of 16 and that that was the biggest mistake of her life. Anyway I really feel close to her now, I trust her, she trusts me, we really get along well.I just feel like she is the one. We even talked about spiritual things and she wants to start going to church with me. Im just worried that this could be a relationship were it is "unevenly yoked". I mean she told me that she was a Christian and that she is saved. That whole mistake question really got me freaked out when she told me. The fact that she told me it is the biggest mistake of her life means that there is remorse for her sin and that the told me about it even though her friends didnt think she should tell me. I mean I thought it was adultery and it is just in the non conventional way I think. I just really like her and I can see me spending the rest of my life with her. I just hope im not finding a means for selfjustification. It just feels right we set our limits in our relationship with simple cuddling and a simple kiss, no make out sessions, just holding her and the simple kiss feels even more special. Its just an odd situation.any insight would be apreciated. thanks

Answer
Jacob-

I don't think that you're "unevenly yoked" with your friend - if she is wanting to go to church with you, that scripture certainly would not apply - the scripture essentially means don't enter into a relationship with someone who has no interest and never will have an interest in Jesus.  Since she says saved, that's a good thing.

I'm concerned, however, by why she thinks getting saved was a mistake.  I would like you to ask her specifically why she thinks it was a mistake, because in my opinion, it should be one of the best moments of her life when she comes to the realization that Jesus is her savior.

As for her getting into the car with her manager - since nothing physical happened, there's no real adultery going on.  She was a victim in this case, not guilty of anything - being persauded by someone older and supposedly in a position of authority over her pretty much absolves her of any sin - had she gotten physical, then that would have been a different story.

Let me ask you a question - please don't take this the wrong way, I'm NOT criticizing, but why do you seem so hung up on adultery?  Was it something in your past?  Did your parents or teachers talk about it being such a sin?  You see, adultery IS a sin, but many humans believe (incorrectly) that somehow sexual sin is worse than other sins, and this is just not true.  Sin is sin, period.  There are no degrees of sin - any one is as bad as any other.  The good news is that Jesus died for ALL our sins, and He doesn't think adultery is any worse than any other.

hope this helps,

carl