Expert: Brenda Martin - 8/30/2004

Question
i have a question about teens and relationships. If two ppl a girl and a boy age 19-20 are christians and they have premarital sex before marriage. What are teh consequences in the future? What happens if both the girl and boy realizes it's wrong and that it is a sin? How do we approach such issues like this? In the future, if they marry somebody else would that be committing adultery? Does that mean the girl and boy should get marry because it's the will of the Lord. I would like some advice. Thank you!

Answer
"IF A GIRL AND A BOY AGE 19-20 ARE CHRISTIANS AND THEY HAVE PREMARITAL SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES IN THE FUTURE?"

If a couple, no matter what age they are, have premarital sex, it is wrong in God's eyes, but I think you know that. Having said that however, they have not commited the “unforgiveable sin” the couple can take steps to right the wrong and seek God's forgiveness.

That's one side of the coin, the other is, the affect committing a wrong act has on the individual—

“Many youths have found premarital sex to be bitterly disappointing. The result? Feelings of guilt and diminished self-respect. Twenty-three-year-old Dennis admitted: “It was a big letdown—no feeling of good or warmth of love as it was supposed to be. Rather the full realization of how wrong the act was hit me. I felt totally ashamed at my lack of self-control.”

Confessed a young woman: “I came back to reality with a sickening thud. . . . The party was over and I felt sick, cheap, and dirty. It didn't make me feel any better to hear him say, ‘Why on earth didn't you stop us before things went too far?'”

Such reactions are not rare, according to Dr. Jay Segal. After studying the sexual activities of 2,436 college students, he concluded: “Dissatisfying and disappointing first [sexual intercourse] experiences exceeded those that were fulfilling and exciting by a ratio of almost two to one. Both males and females recalled that they were greatly disappointed.”

So then premarital sex is condemned in the bible, but if committed, God will forgive the wrong act IF the person tries to put right the wrong and not repeat the wrong action, the person must ask forgiveness and act in harmony with that prayer.

However the affects of the wrong act may haunt the person long into the future, so it is best we try to avoid wrongdoing than have a wounded conscience.

"WHAT HAPPENS IF BOTH THE GIRL AND BOY REALIZES IT'S WRONG AND THAT IT IS A SIN? HOW DO WE APPROACH SUCH ISSUES LIKE THIS?"

We are all, as individuals, accountable for our actions, so each individual has to take his own personal sin to God in prayer, acknowledging the wrong and asking forgiveness, but remember the scriptures tell us God requires something in return, obedience, so God listens to our prayers and he will forgive BUT only if he then sees us making every effort to obey his laws in the future.

IN THE FUTURE, IF THEY MARRY SOMEBODY ELSE WOULD THAT BE COMMITTING ADULTERY?

No.

DOES THAT MEAN THE GIRL AND BOY SHOULD GET MARRY BECAUSE IT'S THE WILL OF THE LORD.

No.

Here are some scriptures to check in your own bible okay—

Are sexual relations before marriage wrong?

1 Thess. 4:3-8: “This is what God wills . . . that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in covetous sexual appetite such as also those nations have which do not know God; that no one go to the point of harming and encroach upon the rights of his brother in this matter, because Jehovah is one who exacts punishment for all these things, just as we told you beforehand and also gave you a thorough witness. For God called us, not with allowance for uncleanness, but in connection with sanctification. So, then, the man that shows disregard is disregarding, not man, but God, who puts his holy spirit in you.” (The Greek word por·nei'a, translated “fornication,” refers to sexual intercourse between unmarried persons, also to extramarital relations on the part of married persons.)

Eph. 5:5: “No fornicator or unclean person or greedy person—which means being an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and of God.” (This does not mean that anyone who in the past was a fornicator cannot enjoy the blessings of God's Kingdom, but he must cease that way of life in order to have God's approval. See 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.)

All the best and if you need further help, just ask.
Brenda