Expert: Joe Norman - 12/5/2008

Question
I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR LESS THAN A YEAR NOW. MY HUSBAND GETS INTO VIOLENT RAGES. I FEEL THAT HE GETS UPSET FOR NO REASON. HE CALLS ME NAMES AND STATES THAT I'VE PROVOKED HIM TO MISTREAT ME. HE SAYS THAT HE'LL GET BETTER BUT HE NEVER DOES. HIS FATHER WAS ABUSIVE TO HIS MOM. MY HUSBAND HAS THROWN AND BROKEN THINGS AND CURSES AT ME ALOT. HE HAS ALSO EMBARRASSED ME IN FRONT OF HIS FAMILY I WANT MY HUSBAND TO GET HELP. I'M A CHRISTIAN BUT HE'S NOT. HE GOES TO A BAPTIST CHURCH AND I ATTEND A CHURCH OF CHRIST. I'VE TOLD HIM THAT I WOULD DIVORCE HIM IF THE ABUSE DOESN'T STOP. I HAVE A DAUGHTER (FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP)WHO HAS BEEN AFFECTED FROM WITNESSING WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON. I DO WANT TO DIVORCE HIM. AM I ABLE TO REMARRY (A CHRISTIAN MAN THIS TIME)IF I DIVORCE MY HUSBAND?

Answer
Hi Yolanda,

I want to apologize for my delay in answering your question. I currently have the flu. I will do my best to answer you. I hope my illness does not cloud my clarity to write my response.

First, to tell you the truth I am afraid for your safety and the safety of your daughter. I think it might be too dangerous to tell him you are divorcing him alone. I recommend calling a spousal abuse hotline and getting yourself and your daughter in a shelter as soon as possible.

Now regarding your question, I will share with you what most in the churches of Christ will tell you and then what I believe the Bible says about your situation.

Most in the churches of Christ would probably tell you that you are free to divorce him but not free to marry someone else. Their reasoning is that the only acceptable reason for divorce that allows anyone to remarry would be if your spouse commits adultery. They read what Jesus said and inject pre-conceived ideas into his statements.

They ignore the fact that Jesus was not giving instructions to Christians and was speaking to Pharisees...correcting them on the law of Moses. Another part of the problem is that some of our versions of the Bible have inserted the word "divorce" when it should read "put away".

The King James Version translates the Greek word (apoluo) as "put away" every time in the New Testament except for once. It is in Matthew 5:32. Here is how they wrote it.

Matt.5:32  But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Now look at the American Standard Version.

Matt.5:32  but I say unto you, that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is put away committeth adultery.

The ASV got it right. Just prior to this, Jesus spoke of being under the Law of Moses and not coming to destroy it, but to fulfill it. If Jesus had meant divorce, He would have used the Greek word "apostation". Divorce was lawful. What was wrong under the old law was to put away a woman without a bill of divorcement because without it, the woman was not free to marry anyone. That is how they are forced into committing adultery. The putting away made her an adulterer because she was not allowed in the house to be the man's wife.

Jesus talked about how everything that was commanded had deeper spiritual meaning in them. The law said "Thou shalt not kill" and Jesus said if you hate your brother, you are guilty of murder. A person can be an "adulterer just by looking on a woman who is not his wife with lust in his heart.(Read the whole chapter carefully.)

The writings of Paul on marriage, divorce, and remarriage should really be the focus for Christians though. Paul wrote to churches mostly.

In 1 Corinthians chapter 7, we learn important things. In verse 2 we see that one main purpose for marriage was to help us avoid the sins of fornications. Then we see in verses 8 and 9 that Paul tells the "unmarried" and the "widows" it would be good if they remain without a spouse, but if they do not have the self-control to avoid fornications, they should marry because it is better to marry than to burn with sexual desires. Some will try to limit the "unmarried" to those who have never been married, but there is nothing in the scripture that would lead us to believe "unmarried" is only referring to never married. We can know for sure Paul was not speaking to virgins though because he later addresses them as virgins. This would mean that "unmarried" can refer to both those who have never been married, but are not virgins, and those who are divorced.

Now look to verses 27 and 28.

1 Cor.7:27 and 28
27 Art thou bound unto a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife. 28 But shouldest thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Yet such shall have tribulation in the flesh: and I would spare you.

Paul does not seem to be concerned with how a person became "loosed" from a wife. He simply says if you are loosed, don't seek to be bound and if bound, don't seek to be loosed. One can be loosed if their spouse dies and one can be loosed if they are divorced. There also had to be a reason Paul felt the need to say that if they do marry, they do not sin. I think it is obvious that some thought it would be a sin to re-marry. Paul said it is not a sin. In fact, the only reason he was encouraging a celibate life was because the church was being persecuted harshly at that time.

The bottom line is you are free to divorce and marry a good Christian man. I believe your husband is guilty of adultery because he was not faithful to his marriage vows to love, honor, and cherish you. I do hope you are able to do this and are safe from all harm. When you find a good Christian man, be sure he is the one and work hard every day to make that marriage last for the rest of your life. That is what pleases God. You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you have any other questions or need anything clarified, just let me know. If you want a deep analysis of any particular passage of the Bible, tell me and I will be happy to help you.

In Christ, Joe Norman