Expert: Jim Samoh - 5/22/2008

Question
QUESTION: I have a question. A friend of mine was married and his wife divorced him. Then he married another woman a few years later and his first wife lived with a man for 25 years. He ended up getting a divorce again and her live in boyfriend died. Now she wants to get back with first husband and marry possibly. Our pastor from our church says it is abomination to the lord and it wouldn't work, But other pastors say they can. Can they or can't they.

ANSWER: There are a few other things that need to be worked out in this situation first: 1. Are they Christians? 2. Have they sought counseling? 3. Have they repented of their sins (ie. living with their boyfriend) 4. Are they as a couple going to be attending a Biblical Church on a regular basis.  If they are/were Christians when this whole mess started then they need some serious pastoral counseling, to figure out what went wrong the first time around BEFORE they start a second time.  In the eyes of the state they can be married again, and St. Paul told us that unless the state is issuing laws contrary to the commands of Christ or the Bible we are to respect the law. Christ told us what He thought about divorce, but I can't recall anything on the topic of reconciliation between the divorced parties.  I STRONGLY recommend serious counseling for these two.

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QUESTION: He is a Christian but i don't know about her. I am dating him right now and well We are trying to make a go at it. I have never been married. I stil think she is just lonely because her boyfriend passed away but shouldn't he listen to his pastor and she has taken him to many others and she dosn't really go to church. They are not together now she wants to get back with him but wants to try for a year and see what happens.

Answer
Let me start off by saying that I am by no means an expert on relationships, and I do not have a counseling degree.  That being said, it does sound from what has been revealed here, she is probably going back to a comfortable person.  Being single an be especially tough if the person has been in a relationship for a significant amount of time, and they tend to jump back into things.  St. Paul had some serious things to say about believers dating/marrying non-believers and I think that should defiantly play a major role here.  Their previous marriage means nothing anymore he is not beholden to her anymore in the eyes of God, the Church, or the State.  2nd Corinthians 6:14 says "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"  I still recommend counseling, for him at the least (probably you as well if you are pursuing this) so that the mistakes that ended his fist marriage do no occur again.  Listening to ones pastor is always a great idea, but remember that the pastor is not ultimately responsible for the soul of anyone but himself.  There is an old saying "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me." The only thing a "trial" period in such  relationship can lead to is heart ache.