Expert: Joe Norman - 6/28/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hello Joe,

I was wondering: is remarriage a sin?  The reason I ask is because my fiance divorced his wife because she committed adultery and became pregnant by another man.  He plans on getting married to me(This will be my first marriage).  Are they both allowed to remarry?  I really need to know the truth regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage from a biblical viewpoint.  1 Timothy 4:1-3(NIV) states, "The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons.  Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron.  They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods which god created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth."  Many preachers say that the one who committed adultery can never remarry.  They must repent and be baptized in order to be saved but are not authorized to remarry.  Where can the authorization to never remarry be found in Scripture for either divorced party?  Thank you.

ANSWER: Hi Sharon,

First, I will tell you that based on the situation regarding why your fiance' divorced his first wife, the majority of church of Christ ministers and elders would tell you your fiance' is free to remarry because the divorce was "scriptural". I fully understand what the majority of churches of Christ and even the majority of conservative denominations teach on divorce and remarriage. I was taught it and believed it for many years.

Yet, I am convinced that most do not use proper hermeneutics when studying divorce and remarriage - and they especially mis-interpret what Jesus said.

A rule of proper hermeneutics is to consider ALL passages that speak on a certain topic and let the more clear passages guide our understanding of the less clear passages.

Here are some VERY clear passages written to the church in Corinth regarding divorce and remarriage.

1 Cor.7:1, 2
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But, because of fornications, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

In these first two verses of chapter 7, Paul explains one main purpose of the marriage covenant. Each man and each woman are to have their own spouse to avoid fornications. As you know, fornications covers a very broad range of different sexual sins. Now let's look at the next few verses.

1 Cor.7:3-5
3 Let the husband render unto the wife her due: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be by consent for a season, that ye may give yourselves unto prayer, and may be together again, that Satan tempt you not because of your incontinency.

Now we see Paul explaining that the husband is obligated to render to his wife her due and the same goes for the wife. He is speaking about sex. He reminds them that they each belong to the other and does not have the right to withhold themselves from their spouse. Now verse 5 is very important. Paul says you can only avoid sexual relations by MUTUAL consent for the purpose of fasting and prayer. He then states that they should be together again to keep Satan from tempting them because of their "incontinency". Now how much more danger would a man be in if he was FORBIDDEN to have a wife?

1 Cor.7:6-9
6 But this I say by way of concession, not of commandment. 7 Yet I would that all men were even as I myself. Howbeit each man hath his own gift from God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they have not continency, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Paul wanted men to remain unmarried as he was but understood that few had the gift to avoid fornications in a permanent celibate state. In verse 9, he clearly tells the "unmarried" and "widows" that if they do not have "continency", let them marry - for it is better to marry than to burn. In this entire chapter, Paul addresses three specific groups. He speaks to the "unmarried", the "virgins", and the "widows". If what most in the churches of Christ teach were true, Paul would have specified either "never married" or "innocent party divorced due to adultery". But he did not do any such thing. When he speaks to the "unmarried" he can not be speaking of virgins because they are addressed as virgins by Paul. The same is true of widows. So it is safe to say that "unmarried" included those who were divorced and those who were not virgins but never married.

I do not have the time to cover the entire chapter, but would like to share one more clear portion of this chapter with you.

1 Cor.7:27, 28
27 Art thou bound unto a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife. 28 But shouldest thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Yet such shall have tribulation in the flesh: and I would spare you.

Now the only way a person can be "loosed" from a wife is if that person had at one time been "bound". Again, Paul could have been more specific if he needed to and stated, "Are you loosed for reason of adultery?" - but he did not do that. This is important. He then tells them that if they do marry, they have not sinned.

It is also important to note that all of Jesus' words were spoken to Jews and He was correcting their error regarding Deuteronomy 24:1-3. He was NOT speaking to Christians and the church was not even in existence until the day of Pentecost (A.D. 33).

Much of the "authorization" for elderships and preachers to "forbid" some members marriage comes from the words of Jesus Christ. They mostly turn to Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9. Yet, their position on divorce and remarriage is built upon false assumptions and poor hermeneutics. If you would like for me to analyze the words of Jesus to help you better understand His words in those passages, just ask a follow-up question and I will be more than happy to oblige. The bottom line is that only Paul covers divorce and remarriage in great detail for the Christian age.

The passage you quoted from I Timothy is widely understood to be a prophetic description of the Catholic church. They forbid their priests to have a marriage. Yet, it would seem to me that it is still wrong for anyone to tell a fellow Christian they cannot have a marriage relationship. It is very possible for anyone to abuse the freedom in Christ in most every area of life. But as Paul says, we should not sin that grace may abound.

Divorce is terrible in most cases. It is very destructive and if there are children involved, they are usually the most damaged by divorce. I never wish to encourage any married couple to divorce, but do not believe we have any authority to keep anyone from getting married either.

I do not believe that there is such a thing as an adulterous marriage and that term is not found anywhere in the Bible. But I do believe that there are times when someone gets divorced and it is a sin because there was not a real reason to divorce. Yet, even in that situation, they can learn from their sin and repent by ensuring their next marriage is for life. Repentance is more than feeling sorry for what one has done. It is a change of mind that leads to a change of action. In other words, it is a determination to turn from that wrong behavior and commit to not doing that sin again.

If you have any further questions or need any clarification, just let me know. I do hope that I have helped you. I also hope that your future marriage is pleasing to God and will be for life.

May God bless you richly,
         Joe Norman


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Joe,

Thank you for your answer to my previous question.  However, I would very much like for you to analyze the words of Jesus from Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 for me, please.  Like you said, "Much of the "authorization" for elderships and preachers to "forbid" some members marriage comes from the words of Jesus Christ."

God bless you,

Sharron

Answer
Hi again Sharon,

I am more than happy to help you with Jesus' words in Matthew 5 and 19. I would like to begin by pointing you to Jesus' words regarding the Law of Moses.

Matt.5:17-19
17 Think not that I came to destroy the law or the prophets: I came not to destroy, but to fulfill. 18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass away from the law, till all things be accomplished. 19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

This whole chapter is what is known as the Sermon on the Mount. His audience was Jews. Christianity was not yet established. He assures them that He didn't come to destroy the Law or the prophets. He came to fulfill them.It would remain until ALL THINGS are accomplished. Then he tells them they are not to break even the least commandments, but are to do and teach them.

Matt.5:20-22
20 For I say unto you, that except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no wise enter into the kingdom of heaven. 21 Ye have heard that it was said to them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: 22 but I say unto you, that every one who is angry with his brother shall be in danger of the judgment; and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council; and whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of the hell of fire.

The first thing that should be clear is that Jesus is not giving new commands that are contrary to the Law of Moses here. He tells them in verse 20 that their righteousness must exceed that of the scribes and pharisees. He then speaks of some of the ten commandments. In verses 21 and 22 he mentions the command not to kill and explains that it is the intent of the heart that makes one guilty of sin. He is NOT giving new commands. It was always true that if one anger can LEAD one to murder. The next few verses confirm Jesus is NOT giving new commands.

Matt.5:23-26
23 If therefore thou art offering thy gift at the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee, 24 leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way, first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. 25 Agree with thine adversary quickly, while thou art with him in the way; lest haply the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison. 26 Verily I say unto thee, thou shalt by no means come out thence, till thou have paid the last farthing.

Here, Jesus is clearly addressing bringing a gift to the alter. This is a Jewish worship act. Next is the passage we are most concerned with here.

Matt.5:27-32
27 Ye have heard that it was said, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28 but I say unto you, that every one that looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. 29 And if thy right eye causeth thee to stumble, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not thy whole body be cast into hell.
30 And if thy right hand causeth thee to stumble, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not thy whole body go into hell. 31 It was said also, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 but I say unto you, that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is put away committeth adultery.

First, Jesus quotes part of the ten commandments regarding not committing adultery. Then He again tells them that if a person looks at a woman with lust in his heart, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart. He is again pointing out that the intent of the heart causes one to commit sins. This was a fact even in the time of Moses: in fact, from the fall of man in the garden of Eden.

Now we look to verses 31 and 32. Here Jesus is referring to Moses' words in Deuteronomy 24:1-3. Moses commanded (a command of God) that if a man wants to "put away" his wife, he must give her a bill of divorce. Jesus tells them that everyone who "puts away" his wife, save for the cause of fornication, MAKE her an adulterous and whoever then marries her when she is put away commits adultery.

The first thing you need to notice is the very adt of putting her away made her an adulterous. Why? Well if she was forced to leave the house, she was no longer able to be faithful to her marriage vows. Also, since we KNOW Jesus was NOT giving new commands, the traditional teachings of the churches of Christ on this topic CANNOT be true. Notice that there were three parts to divorce in the Old Testament. There was first a writing of a bill of divorce, then the man was to put it in his wife's hand, and last, he was to put her away.

The Greek word, "apoluo" does NOT mean divorce, but rather means to send away or put away - to separate. The Greek word for divorce is "apostasion". Now, the reason it would be adultery to marry a woman who was merely "put away" is that because there was no bill of divorce, she was still bound to her original husband. This can be the only thing that makes any sense because it is the only way His words would not contradict the Law of Moses.

You are probably still wondering about what is called the exception clause. This is easily understood when one sees that Jesus was not giving new commands, but correcting errors among the Jews regarding the Law of Moses. If you study the words of the Old Testament regarding marriage, there were certain marriages that were not acceptable. One was if they married foreign wives. Another was to marry your brother's wife as was the sin of Herod and Herodius. I am convinced that Jesus was referring to such unions in what is called the "exception clause". These "unlawful" unions did not need a bill of divorce and would not result in adultery by merely putting away an unlawful spouse...nor would anyone be guilty of adultery for marrying a person who never had a lawful marriage.

Now let's look at chapter 19:

Matt.19:3-6
3 And there came unto him Pharisees, trying him, and saying, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 4 And he answered and said, Have ye not read, that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh? 6 So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

The context of this passage is that the Pharisees were testing Jesus and trying to trap Him in teaching contrary to the Law of Moses. Again, Jesus was NOT giving new commands to Christians regarding divorce and remarriage. The original question the Pharisees ask is if it is lawful for a man to "put away" his wife for any cause. Jesus begins to answer by asking if they have not read...more proof He is speaking of the Old Testament. But he goes all the way to the time of creation. He reminds them that the original purpose of God was that the two would become one flesh. Then states that what God has joined together, "LET NOT" man put asunder.. He doesn't say it is impossible for man to "put asunder", but is discouraging it to be sure. We now will look at the next section.

Matt.19:7-9
7 They say unto him, Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorcement, and to put her away? 8 He saith unto them, Moses for your hardness of heart suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it hath not been so. 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that marrieth her when she is put away committeth adultery.

It is because Jesus did not fall for their trap and pointed them to God's original intent for man and woman to join and become one flesh, they decided to ask Him a different question. They are seeking to catch Him contradicting Moses. It is clearly seen as well that the instruction to give a bill of divorce and put her away was indeed a COMMAND of God. Jesus answered that it was due to the hardness of their hearts that he allowed them to put always their wives. But once again, it was NOT God's original intent for man and woman.

Now let's look at the most misunderstood verse in the Bible (in my opinion). He says that whoever shall "put away" his wife and marry brother is guilty of adultery and whoever marries a woman who is "put away" commits adultery. Again, the "exception clause" was explained earlier when we looked at chapter 5. The reason Jesus can ONLY be speaking of women who were put away without a bill of divorce is because it is the only explanation that would keep Jesus from falling into the trap of the Pharisees...and would not contradict the Law of Moses.

Matt.19:10-12
10 The disciples say unto him, If the case of the man is so with his wife, it is not expedient to marry. 11 But he said unto them, Not all men can receive this saying, but they to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs, that were so born from their mother's womb: and there are eunuchs, that were made eunuchs by men: and there are eunuchs, that made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

After this exchange between the Pharisees and Jesus, the disciples (apostles) spoke to Him about it. This is not an easy passage for most to understand either. They said if such is the case, it is not good or profitable to marry. We must ask to what were they referring? What was this case?

It seems to me that the case they were referring to was a case in which the marriage would be seen as a fornication rather than a marriage. Again, we need to understand what marriages were not recognized as such under the Law of Moses. These are the cases in which it would be better not to marry at all. It is better not to marry at all than to marry a foreign wife or your brother's wife.

Jesus' reply to His disciples was that not all men can receive this saying. Then He speaks of different types of eunuchs. Some are born as eunuchs. some were made eunuchs by men and others made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of Heaven's sake. He did not say that some are made eunuchs by elders of a church. He is speaking about some realizing that it is better to avoid marriage and sex for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven.

God truly wants us to find that one person to marry and become one flesh for life. Unfortunately, sin is in the world and there are plenty of hard hearts as well. This has always been the case and always will be the case. There are no instruction given to us as to how to perform a Christian wedding or a Christian divorce. Yet, it is still a requirement that divorces have a written bill to make them full and complete. One difference in our culture is that usually the "putting away" is done before the paperwork is done.

I sincerely hope that I have helped you to understand God's Word more accurately and apologize for the length of this answer. I could have easily written much more than this but did not wish to overload you with information.

If you do have any further questions or need any clarifications, just let me know. I deeply appreciate your desire to learn the truth on divorce and remarriage and hope that I have answered you well.

         Sincerely, Joe Norman