Expert: Joe Norman - 7/8/2008

Question
Hi, a preacher preached a message on Matt. 19:9.  The sermon was titled, "Who has a right to a marriage?"  The preacher's conviction on who has a right to remarry are based on these three points:

1) One who has never been married
2) One who has been previously been married, but whose former mate died
3) One who has been previously married but whose former mate was guilty of fornication and was divorced by him/her for this reason

The third point is what stuck out to me the most.  It is his belief that all who have been divorced by their spouse for reasons other than fornication are still married "in God's eyes."  If remarried, they are living in adultery.  He went on to say that the marriage is unscriptural.  I thought long and hard after hearing this, and my question to you is: What if the spouse who was not guilty of fornication was divorced by the spouse who committed fornication?

The reason why I ask this question is because of the following situation:
My mother got divorced and is now remarried.  My mother did not commit fornication, but my stepfather did.  What makes matters worse is that he is the one who initiated the divorce.  According to this preacher's message, my mother is still bound to my stepfather "in God's eyes" because my mother was not divorced for reasons other than adultery.
Basically, according to this man's message, my mother had no "scriptural right" to remarry because my stepfather divorced her for reasons other than adultery.  What I got from this message is that my mother was not to remarry and remain unmarried until my stepfather's death.  This makes no sense to me whatsoever.

Wow!  Do you mean to tell me that my mother is still bound to my stepfather--her first husband?  Is it really true that my mother and her second husband are not presently married "in God's eyes?"  This teaching doesn't sound just.  I thought that God was just.  This man makes it sound as if my mother is fornicating continually.  I, on the other hand, think not.  She has every right to be married to a good Christian man.  It's not her fault that my fornicating stepfather beat her to the punch and initiated the divorce.  I just don't understand why she should have to suffer for someone else's wrongdoing.  Can you point me to some scriptures where my innocent mother is required to remain unmarried, please?  Thank you in advance.  Tee

Answer
Hi Tee,

At the end of your post, you asked me if I can point you to some scriptures where your innocent mother is required to remain unmarried. I cannot point you to what does not exist but I CAN point you to the passages many like this preacher turn to in their attempt to convince people like your mother that they are to remain unmarried. I can also explain why they are wrong. I am able to do this because I was taught it most of my life and for at least half my life I believed most of what I was taught.

It is unfortunate that the majority of our preachers, scholars, and elders and deacons believe and teach false doctrine regarding divorce and remarriage. Your mother does deserve to be married to a good Christian man and I hope she knows that.

Here are some passages they use.

Rom.7:2, 3
2 For the woman that hath a husband is bound by law to the husband while he liveth; but if the husband die, she is discharged from the law of the husband. 3 So then if, while the husband liveth, she be joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if the husband die, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress, though she be joined to another man.

This first passage is one they use often. Yet, it is an abused passage. Paul is speaking regarding the Law of the Old Covenant. The context is NOT about divorce at all. In fact, the word divorce is not found anywhere in the chapter. The context is that Paul is comparing our spiritual relationship to God with a physical marriage. Notice these next few verses.

Rom.7:4-6
4 Wherefore, my brethren, ye also were made dead to the law through the body of Christ; that ye should be joined to another, even to him who was raised from the dead, that we might bring forth fruit unto God. 5 For when we were in the flesh, the sinful passions, which were through the law, wrought in our members to bring forth fruit unto death. 6 But now we have been discharged from the law, having died to that wherein we were held; so that we serve in newness of the spirit, and not in oldness of the letter.

He is simply pointing out that in order for those who were under the Old Covenant to be free to join to the New Covenant, they had to die to the old law. Why didn't Paul say they could just divorce the Old law and be able to be joined to the New law? It was not a fit comparison. Paul wanted to show that DEATH was needed to show a natural transition. It is also because water baptism is the point at which we die, are buried, and are raised from the dead to live a new life as Christians.Comparisons are only made to things that are most similar to what is being expressed or taught. Divorce was a command from God in the Old Covenant and just because it was not presented here does not mean that divorce does not end marriage.

Another passage they sometimes refer to is found in I Corinthians chapter 7.

1 Cor.7:10, 11
10 But unto the married I give charge, yea not I, but the Lord, That the wife depart not from her husband 11 (but should she depart, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband); and that the husband leave not his wife.

This is misunderstood by most who teach what that preacher teaches. Paul is speaking of separation and NOT divorce in the above verses. How do I know that? The first clue is that the Greek word that means divorce is not used at all in verses 10 and 11. The word that is translated as "depart" is chōrizō and literally only means to put space between or separate.  Also, the word that is translated as "reconciled" means "to return to favor with". It is not possible to reconcile unless there has been no divorce. If there has been divorce, a marriage would be required to join the two again. The word that is translated above as "leave" means "put away" or "yield up" or "forsake". This is not talking about divorce. Here are some other very clear passages from this same chapter you need to be aware of as well.

1 Cor.7:8, 9
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they have not continency, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Paul addresses three groups in this chapter. He speaks to the "unmarried", the "widows", and the "virgins". We know who qualifies as a widow and a virgin, but who fits in the "unmarried" category? It would have to be those who have either never been married but are not virgins or those who have been married but are now divorced. I see no way to prove that Paul is not referring to those who are divorced. Paul seems to be aware that many might not be able to avoid fornications if they have not the freedom to get married. The only real reason Paul is encouraging them to remain unmarried is because there was a time of severe persecution against the church at this time. But here is more to consider.

1 Cor.7:26-28
26 I think therefore that this is good by reason of the distress that is upon us, namely, that it is good for a man to be as he is. 27 Art thou bound unto a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife. 28 But shouldest thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Yet such shall have tribulation in the flesh: and I would spare you.

Let me now ask you - how does a person become loosed from a wife? There are really only two possibilities. Either the spouse dies or there is a divorce. But Paul did not choose only one of those two possibilities so it seems clear he is not concerned about how one is loosed. Yet, he tells them that if they do marry, they have not sinned. This is very significant and no one who teaches what that preacher teaches has a solid answer to these verses. They must resort to twisting the word of God to fit their belief.

There is no command or example of anyone being required to divorce and live a celibate life in order to make their lives right with God in the New Testament. Also, Paul speaks to Timothy regarding certain teaching he calls "doctrines of demons". Forbidding to marry is among the list.

1 Tim.4:1-3
1 But the Spirit saith expressly, that in later times some shall fall away from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits and doctrines of demons, 2 through the hypocrisy of men that speak lies, branded in their own conscience as with a hot iron; 3 forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by them that believe and know the truth.

Now it is generally believed that this passage is a prophetic warning of the coming of the Catholic church. But it seems to me that forbidding to marry is wrong period.

I do not think it is good that there are so many divorces these days and that many do not understand what it means to be committed and faithful to a covenant relationship. Too many are entering into marriage with little if any real understanding of what makes a good spouse and a good marriage. The solution is to teach our children the importance of choosing the right person to marry and helping them to learn the skills needed to keep their marriage a happy one that lasts until death parts them. But it is just as wrong to burden people with an impossible life with some man-made doctrine that tells them they must remain alone.

Many good people fall away from God and His church because of the false teachings regarding divorce and remarriage. I have addressed Matthew chapter 5 and Matthew chapter 19 in other allexperts answers I have written. They are available for you to study. But if you would like me to cover those passages in depth for you, just ask a follow-up question and request it.

Here is a website that has many excellent lessons that are biblically sound on divorce and remarriage as well.

http://www.totalhealth.bz

I learned much from that site.

I hope that I have helped you. If you need any further clarification or have any more questions, I am happy to help so just let me know.

             In Christ, Joe Norman