Expert: Joe Norman - 9/23/2008

Question
I have started reading the bible more. So that is good. Although with so many denominations throwing scriptures at each other telling how wrong the other is, it can be scary and confusing.

I read a Church of christ doctrine on divorce and remarriage. It scared me to death. My wife was divorced from from her ex husband after she became a believer, they were having problems before she came to the Lord. They were married in Korea through an arranged marriage. Her ex-husband is not a believer. He left the country, he left her pregnant.So she went ahead with a divorce. I have read that him leaving makes her not bound anymore. But I am not sure that that gives her the right to a divorce or remmarriage. So many people come up with different answers for the meaning of 1st. Cor. 7:15. They argue the tense, language, context, etc. It is just more confusion to me.

I read a looooong study that goes back to the early church fathers (Josephus, titus, etc.)and it is pretty convincing in the argument against remarriage.( Ican send you a link if need be).

The Church of Christ doctrine I saw said that we will miss out of heaven because we are in an `on-going sin`, in other words no matter how many times we repent, the very next second we are right back in the same sin. our repentence will never be able to stay in front of our sin. if sin keeps us out of heaven. It is a trap that seems to have no answer.It says that to reach heaven we must seperate. My wife and I are both believers, I was baptized about three years into our marriage. She was babtized prior to our marriage. I know that what I read flys in the face of our Saviuor. I do not know if I have a weak faith, or an uneducated faith but the `what if` of this situation scares me. I would pay any price here on earth to make sure she reaches Heaven, and I am not just looking for someone to tell me something different to make me feel better. I have not eaten or been able to function for thee days. If they are being untruthful is it on purpose? Are they right?

What should I do?


Answer
Hi Eugene,

I must tell you that your story and the accompanying emotional distress has saddened me deeply. I truly believe that you are not seeking to get your ears tickled so to speak by someone who will tell you what you want to hear. I truly believe that you love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life for the church.

I have studied this topic of divorce and remarriage for quite a long time myself. The "traditional" teachings have never really seemed to harmonize with all that is presented in the New Testament. Much of the teaching is contrary to the nature of God and of Jesus. I have been asked more questions on this topic than any other topic. This tells me that many are struggling with what has been traditionally taught as well.

Many "scholars" get so deep into the Greek and Hebrew and other technical aspects it can confuse most anyone. I am willing to study that long study you mentioned if you would like to send me the link. Yet, the more I study this topic, the more convinced I am that my current understanding is correct.

You might consider looking through my previous answers on this topic because I have a large amount of information that I believe will benefit you. The bottom line is that most everyone who holds to the traditional view focus mainly on what Jesus said and avoid most of what Paul wrote. The problem with that is that Jesus was not addressing Christians, but Jews...Pharisees to be exact. They were questioning Jesus on the Law of Moses (Deut.24:1-4). Jesus was correcting their teachings on that Law.

The words of Paul are all we have that is addressed to Christians. Now let's look at some key passages from I Corinthians 7.

1 Cor.7:1, 2
1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

The first thing we see is that Paul was responding to matters that the Corinthian church wrote to him about. Obviously, they were seeking some clarification on matters of marriage, divorce, and remarriage.

Paul starts by explaining that it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. Why would he say that? The context of the chapter is that the church was being persecuted and so in that situation, it is better for a man to not be involved with a woman sexually. This helps him to focus on church work. Yet, Paul is also aware that temptation to sexual immorality increases the longer men go without having a woman to fulfill his sexual desires. That is why he says each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. A benefit of marriage is to avoid fornication.

1 Cor.7:3-5
3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Next we see that even in a marriage, temptation can enter in if one deprives the other of their body. Each one's body belongs to their spouse. Paul warns not to deprive each other except by mutual agreement and ONLY for a limited time. How much worse it would be if one were told they could never ever have a marriage again?

1 Cor.7:6-9
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Keep in mind that Paul addresses three groups from this point on. He addresses the unmarried, the widows, and the virgins. Since it is obvious who are widows and who are virgins, it should be obvious who are referred to by the term "unmarried". This can only refer to two types of people. Those who have been divorced, and those who are no longer virgins, but have never been married. It is impossible to limit "unmarried" to non-virgins who have never been married because to do so is to go beyond what is written.

Paul wants the "unmarried" and the widows to remain single. (This is mostly due to the persecution of the church). But Paul is aware that most do not have the level of self-control that he had. He clearly says the "unmarried" and widows should marry if that do not have the self-control because it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Why? Obviously because burning with passion will eventually lead one to commit fornication.

1 Cor.7:10, 11
10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

These verses seem to be not about divorce, but separation. Many "scholars" agree that this is not talking of divorce. One can only reconcile with a spouse if there is no actual divorce. After there is a divorce, if they got back together, they would need to get re-married...not just reconcile. I am using the ESV in this answer, but the ASV has the most accurate translation on these verses. Here is the ASV below.

1 Cor.7:10, 11
10 But unto the married I give charge, yea not I, but the Lord, That the wife depart not from her husband 11 (but should she depart, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband); and that the husband leave not his wife.

The word that is translated as "leave" at the end of verse 11 (put away in the King James Version) is defined by Strongs as:

aphiēmi
af-ee'-ay-mee
From G575 and ἵημι hiēmi (to send; an intensive form of εἶμι eimi (to go)); to send forth, in various applications: - cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside, leave, let (alone, be, go, have), omit, put (send) away, remit, suffer, yield up.

Thayer does include the option that it can refer to a man divorcing his wife, but I believe he added that because of his prior belief based on false teachings rather than the actual meaning of the word.

Now we come to the passage you are most concerned with at this time.

1 Cor.7:12-16
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

I admit that I am not an expert in the original Greek or Hebrew or Latin or Aramaic. But I just do not believe that one can be "not under bondage" and yet still have some sort of restriction regarding a remarriage. If a person is an "unbeliever", they are obviously not living their lives by Christian standards. They do not see marriage as holy and honorable and serious as we do. No one can control someone else. We each and only control ourselves. This is why we are not under bondage as I see it.

Also, consider these last verses I would like to share with you.

1 Cor.7:26-28
26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

Again, Paul refers to "this present distress". He states that if you are bound to a wife, you should not seek to be loosed from her. If you are loosed from a wife, you should not seek to be bound. Paul did not specify how one is loosed from a wife. There are two ways to become "loosed" that I know of - if your spouse dies - or if you are divorced. Contrary to what many teach, divorce ALWAYS ends a marriage. No one should make light of marriage and divorce for just any reason, but divorce always ends a marriage.

Notice in verse 28, Paul says that if you do marry, you have not sinned. That is very significant.

I would like to recommend a website that has large amounts of lessons on divorce and remarriage. I think this site has some of the best and most clear and logical teachings on this topic that I have found anywhere.

http://www.totalhealth.bz/index.htm

Having said all this, I do not believe that anyone who teaches the "scary" things you have read are intentionally being untruthful. They fully believe they are teaching the truth. They are sincere. Unfortunately, they are not using proper hermeneutics or exegesis in their study of the related passages. They are sincere - but sincerely wrong. I recommend that you continue to study God's Word and seek to let the Bible interpret itself. Do not allow anyone who is uninspired to control your understanding of God's Word. (I am including myself because I too can be wrong). Study to see if what is taught is true. I personally think you are not in danger of going to Hell by remaining married to your wife.

You are not living in a state of perpetual adultery. Love your wife as God commands husbands to love their wives and be true to her every day of your life. I do hope and pray that my response has been beneficial to you. I hope that you will begin to function normally once again and eat healthy.

If you have any further questions, feel free to ask me follow up questions. If you have questions on any other Bible topic, I will do my best to provide you with solid Bible answers.

God bless you and your wife.

             In Christ, Joe Norman