Expert: Joe Norman - 1/28/2009

Question
I have recently remarried. I have a lot of fears and doubts. It may be because i do not understand the Bible like I should. I will be the first to tell you that I need to study it more than I do. I truly love my new husband and feel like he is a blessing to me. We are both currently in church and are Christians, however in my past I was divorced. I left my husband of 7 years because I felt in my heart that I did not love him. I am not trying to throw the blame off on my ex husband but he did look at pornography sites on the internet. That bothered me tremendously. We did not have relations very often so I hope I did not push him to that(stumbling block). After we signed our separation papers he started dating someone else. After our divorce was finalized in 2007 he remarried within 6 months. My husband and I got married a couple of months ago.  My husband is the only other man I have had relations with since my divorce. I am really concerned about the adultery. I know that it says in the Bible that if a woman divorces her husband she should remain unmarried or be reconciled with her husband. Since my ex husband has remarried is this still the case. I love Jesus with all my heart and I am so scared that by me being divorced and remarrying that it a sin I will always take with me. I guess I feel doomed. Can you please help?

Answer
Hi Kelly,

I appreciate you for asking me your questions and will do my best to answer you biblically. Let me tell you that one thing that was not clear in your story is whether or not you were a Christian when you divorced your first husband. It was wrong for your ex to look at pornography, but it is also wrong to withhold yourself from him sexually and that can and does cause temptation to commit fornications to enter into a marriage (I Cor.7:3-5). Also, the love that is required to make a marriage work is not a feeling, but a decision. Feelings come and go, but to choose to love your spouse is a decision that you must stand by until death parts you.

Now let's look at the passage you referred to above. It is also in I Corinthians chapter 7.

1 Cor.7:10, 11
10 But unto the married I give charge, yea not I, but the Lord, That the wife depart not from her husband 11 (but should she depart, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband); and that the husband leave not his wife.

I used the ASV because I think it is more accurate in its translation of this passage. I do not believe Paul is talking about divorce at all here. I have read studies by many men smarter than me and they actually disagree with each other. When I look at the Greek word that the ASV translates as "depart" and the word translated as "leave", here is what I see.

"depart"
chōrizō
kho-rid'-zo
From G5561; to place room between, that is, part; reflexively to go away: - depart, put asunder, separate.

"leave" or "put away"
aphiēmi
af-ee'-ay-mee
From G575 and ἵημι hiēmi (to send; an intensive form of εἶμι eimi (to go)); to send forth, in various applications: - cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside, leave, let (alone, be, go, have), omit, put (send) away, remit, suffer, yield up.

This is from Strong's Greek dictionary. The word literally means to separate or put space between. Now the question is whether or not it can refer to divorce. I am not a Greek scholar, but I do not believe anyone needs to know Greek to understand the New Testament.

Paul spoke to "virgins" and he spoke to "widows" and to "unmarried" and to "married" people. He even spoke to Christians who were married to non-Christians. Many think Paul did not refer to those who were divorced when he spoke to the "unmarried", but that is an assumption that has nothing to lead us to such a conclusion. Why would Paul not speak to those who are divorced in this chapter? I believe Paul referred to the divorced and to those who were not virgins, but had never been married when he spoke to the "unmarried".

I believe that Paul was speaking of separation and not divorce in verses 10 and 11. He began with "But to the married I give charge". Also, only a separated couple who has not divorced can reconcile because if there is a divorce, they must again get married. If it is just a separation, the couple is able to reconcile and does not need to get married to each other again.

In your situation, you divorced your husband and married someone else. It might have been wrong to divorce him and it might even have been adultery in the sense that adultery really means unfaithfulness to your marriage vows. But all sin is forgivable.

I am sorry that you feel like you are guilty of a sin that you will always take with you and feel doomed. This comes from poor teachings of others on divorce and remarriage. No sin should make anyone feel doomed. When a person commits murder, how do they repent of that sin? They cannot return the life they took. All that is required of God is for them to turn from the sin of committing murder. When a person commits adultery, they must turn from committing that sin as well. But if a marriage is dead and a person has remarried, they can turn from the sin of adultery by remaining faithful to their current husband.

Consider these verses from Paul in I Corinthians 7.

1 Cor.7:7-9
7 Yet I would that all men were even as I myself. Howbeit each man hath his own gift from God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they have not continency, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

This clearly says that anyone who does not have the self-control to remain without a spouse should marry rather than burn with passion. Remember that one of the purposes of marriage is to avoid the sin of fornications(I Cor.7:1,2).

1 Cor.7:26-28
26 I think therefore that this is good by reason of the distress that is upon us, namely, that it is good for a man to be as he is. 27 Art thou bound unto a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife. 28 But shouldest thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Yet such shall have tribulation in the flesh: and I would spare you.

This was written to the church in Corinth during a time of distress because Christians were being persecuted. This is the only reason that Paul was encouraging people to remain celibate and unmarried. Yet, he understood that very few had the gift he did to live celibate without submitting to the temptations to commit fornications.

In verse 27, he says if you are bound to a wife, do not seek to be loosed; and if you are loosed do not seek to be bound. But then he says something significant in verse 28. He said that if you do marry you have not sinned. He is speaking to people who were "loosed" which would cover those who are divorced as well as those who are widowed. The only reason I can think of as to why Paul would feel the need to say they have not sinned if they do marry is because some thought that remarriage would be sin.

Covenant breaking is adultery and the way to repent of it is to stay faithful to your new husband. I hope that I have answered your questions and been of help to you. If you have any follow-up questions, just let me know and I will do my best to respond quickly. I pray that you will remain faithful to your current husband. We cannot change all past wrongs. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and seek to do better each day.

In Christ, Joe Norman