AboutJoe Norman Expertise I can answer questions regarding acceptable worship, organization of the church, or any apsect of the Christian life. I am the son of a preacher and have studied the Bible from cover to cover since I was 12 years old. I am strong in my research skills and do not follow teachings of men. Many will label me as conservative and some might label me as liberal, but I just seek to be biblical. I understand proper exegesis and hermeneutics and apply them. My desire is to share my knowledge of God's Word with others. Please always keep in mind that none of us who are listed as experts here are divinely inspired and therefore it is possible to get incorrect answers from any one of us. Study the Scriptures and decide for yourself if what is taught is true.
Experience I am the 4th generation in my family to be a faithful member of the church of Christ. I was raised by a preacher and have studied the Bible everyday since I was twelve. I am 44 yrs old now. I am not a "scholar", but I am very familiar with the scriptures.
Organizations member of the church of Christ, served as a Deacon for a few years at LakeShore church of Christ in Waco, Tx. I currently live in the North Dallas area and worship with the Lewisville church of Christ.
Question Bro Norman, I thank you in advance for taking time to answer my question. I pray I articulate my concerns and that you are able to answer as best you can speaking strictly from God's word. Although born and raised COC, I am often left overwhelmed and sadden about the views on divorce. I understand the importance of not adding or taking away from God's word. With that being said, please let me know biblically your views on divorce if two people born and raised COC (fallen short, but now rededicated) are divorced from different people and want to marry each other. Therefore, if they marry this will be second marriages for both. Her marriage (which was not in COC) ended due to abuse and eventually adultery and his marriage ended due to life circumstances (wife wanted divorce due to husband's military career). These two met later in life well after their divorces, fell in love, and are eager to spend the rest of their lives together faithfully in the body with God's guidance. Both couples were married young and understand their mistakes. Now in their late 30's and early 40's and with a better understanding of God's word they want to do the right thing. Can they marry each other with the blessing of God? Both are faithful members and work diligently doing God's work within and out the church. Thank you for your time.
Answer Hi Ann,
Thank you for choosing me to answer your questions. I do apologize for taking so long to respond. Sometimes life gets in the way. I am saddened as well by the views of the majority of the Lord's church on divorce. I am in the minority of those in the church in regard to my understanding of divorce and remarriage. But I am not alone and the number who agree with me is growing.
Please allow me to clarify, I do not believe that Christians should divorce for any reason. They should know that God's desire is for one man and one woman to become "one flesh" until death parts them. That is what God wants. Also, if two people are married to each other and are truly striving to live Christian lives, there is not a problem that will arise that they cannot overcome together with God's help.
Divorce should never even be thought of as a possibility for Christians when they get married. Unfortunately, the reality is that sin is in the world and if one person in the marriage is a weak Christian and doesn't want to work through the problems, divorce is inevitable.
Okay, now to the scenario you presented to me. Two people who are Christians had "fallen short" as you say, but are now rededicated. Yet they are divorced from different people and want to marry each other.
Just from that much information, I see no reason they cannot get married to each other. But out of curiosity, was their falling away due to their divorces? This detail has no real effect in whether or not they can remarry though. I am just curious.
Now let me share my understanding of divorce and remarriage through the study of God's Word. You can study what I present to see if what is taught is true as all should do.
I firmly believe that Jesus was not directly speaking to Christians when He spoke of divorce and remarriage. In Matthew 5, He was giving what is called "The Sermon On The Mount." I am convinced that He was not teaching new law, but correcting the Jews on the Law of Moses because the Pharisees had distorted it so much. This is very clear when keeping in mind certain details. First, notice what Jesus said here.
Matt.5:17-20
17 "Think not that I came to destroy the law or the prophets: I came not to destroy, but to fulfil. 18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass away from the law, till all things be accomplished. 19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I say unto you, that except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no wise enter into the kingdom of heaven."
Then he begins with a series of "you have heard it said" and "but I say to you" statements. I think this is clearly Jesus correcting teachings of the Pharisees. Now the Law of Moses did say, "thou shalt not kill" and that is accurate word for word. But the meaning behind the laws had been forgotten or neglected. It has always been true that anger can lead one to murder and sin begins in the heart. Jesus reminds them of this with this whole next section. Now when you come to verses 31 and 32, there are some interesting details.
Matt.5:31, 32
31 It was said also, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 but I say unto you, that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is put away committeth adultery.
First, there are some things missing from "what has been said" and what the Law actually said. Deut.24:1-3 mentions a cause for wanting a divorce, but there is no mention of it in verse 31 of Matt.5. Another detail is that Jesus says the divorce for a reason other than the cause of fornication, causes the wife to commit adultery. Adultery can cover a much wider meaning than just the physical act. It is often used in reference to Israel and their unfaithfulness to God. When Jesus says the divorce causes the wife to commit adultery, it seems obvious that He uses the word adultery in a broader sense as well. He is saying that if the man kicks her out and divorces her for a reason other than fornication, she is no longer able to faithfully fill the role of wife to her husband. Why? She is not allowed back in the house.
Then Jesus says that whoever marries her when she is put away commits adultery as well. Now there has been much debate as to whether or not this word translated "committeth" refers to a continuous sin, or a one time sin. I have read many writings of respected scholars in the brotherhood and also many outside of the Lord's church. Each of them is an expert in the ancient Greek. It seems that when we study and compare all the manuscript copies, there is more evidence to support the word meaning a one time act than there is to support a continuous act. So I do not believe Jesus is saying the woman or the man who marries her after she was unlawfully divorced would be guilty of living in an adulterous marriage. It seems to me that this would be a one time sin act. The adultery occurs also without any sex.
Now let me share some thoughts on other passages in the gospels where Jesus is questioned by Pharisees. When you study Matt.19, you immediately see the context of the questioning is what is lawful. "Is it lawful" refers to the Law of Moses. The Pharisees were seeking to catch Jesus in a trap. They wanted Him to contradict the Law. This is true of the parallel passage as well in Mark 10.
In Matt.19:4-6, Jesus responds by asking - "have you not read"... and qoutes Genesis 1:27 and 2:24. In verse 6, Jesus elaborates saying that what God has joined let no man put asunder or separate. It is important to note that His statement implies that it is possible for man to put asunder what God has joined. He is just seeking to discourage it. Their response was to ask why Moses commanded to give a certificate and put her away. Of course, they again did not mention any cause for divorce. Jesus said in verse 8 that due to the hardness of their hearts, Moses permitted them to divorce, but from the beginning it was not so.
It is distasteful to tolerate even the slightest evil, but sometimes prudence requires us to choose the lessor of two evils. God through Moses perceived that if divorce were not permitted, in many cases, the women would be exposed to great hardships through the cruelty of their husbands. God saw the need for instructions to be given on the proper way to divorce. It is because sin is in the world, that there is a need for divorce. One who is not happy in a marriage and gives in to temptations will mistreat their spouse and might even kill him or her if there is no way out of the marriage other than death. (of course, many spouses kill their significant other anyway for greed and other sinful reasons even though divorce is possible.) But how many more would occur if there was no possibility for divorce?
Jesus then corrects them regarding the Law of Moses in verse 9. What is called "the exception clause" in this verse is only found here and in chapter 5:32. The reason for the other passages not including this "exception clause" is not agreed upon as far as I know by experts but I believe it is due to the audience for whom Matthew wrote. He wrote to mostly Jewish Christians. I think they had no trouble understanding this passage, but we today have great difficulty truly understanding it. But let's look at what Jesus says here carefully.
Matt.19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that marrieth her when she is put away committeth adultery.
Jesus says that whoever puts away his wife and marries another commits adultery: and he that marries her when she is put away commits adultery - unless the cause is for fornication. Fornication is a very broad term. Many who hold the "traditional" view believe this means unless the cause is adultery. But why would Jesus use the Greek word "porniea" which is translated "fornication" instead of the Greek word, "moichaō" which literally means adultery if He meant adultery? He used the word translated adultery at the end of the sentence. It makes no sense that He would mean adultery is the only acceptable cause for divorce. It makes more sense that He was referring to the cause Moses gave in Deut.24 which is usually translated "uncleanness" or "unseemly" in most translations.
In conclusion to what Jesus says on this topic, He was correcting the Pharisees on the Law of Moses and not presenting new teachings to Christians. Having said that, I believe there are things He said that apply to Christians because they are eternal truths. It is still true that God's original purpose was for one man and one woman to become joined as one flesh until death parts them. I don't believe God is pleased when there is divorce for ANY reason.
But hearts still become hard and so divorce is sometimes a necessary evil. Also, when Jesus says that one commits adultery when divorcing for reasons other than fornication and marries another commits adultery and whoever marries her who is put away for these same reasons commits adultery, the evidence leans toward this being a one time sin and not a continuous sin. It is impossible to commit adultery with the person to whom one is married. The adultery Jesus refers to is a non-sexual one and is focused on the covenant breaking. This is literally "unfaithfulness" to marriage vows.
Now to fully understand divorce and remarriage we must not ignore the words of Paul in 1 Cor.7 because that is the most complete writing on MDR directed to Christians specifically.
Paul tells us in the first two verses of I Corinthians 7 that it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But to avoid fornication each man should have his own wife and each woman should have her own husband. This tells us that marriage helps us avoid fornications. The next part of this chapter I would like to draw your attention to is verse 5. He tells married couples not to withhold themselves physically from their mate unless it is agreed by both for focus on prayer, but then he warns they should not go too long before reuniting to avoid Satan from tempting you to sin. Even in marriage there is a possibility for temptation to cause one to commit fornication.
In verses 8 and 9, Paul says this:
1 Cor.7:8,9
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they have not continency, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
Here again is an important passage. He wants those who have no spouse to remain as they are only due to the "current distress" but He realized that some are not able to live a celibate life and avoid the sin of fornications. This is a truth many ignore in the church today. Paul didn't clarify how the unmarried were unmarried. This necessarily means "unmarried" refers to both those who had never married but were not virgins, to virgins, and to those who had been divorced.
Now when you read verses 10 and 11, many in the church believe this is speaking of divorce, but that is just not the case. These verses speak of separation with no divorce. How do I know this is true? It is because of several things actually. The first is that Paul begins by saying, "But to the married I give charge..." He addressed the "unmarried" overall which includes those divorced, the virgins, and the widows. Now he speaks to those who ARE MARRIED. But there are other reasons I know this to be true.
A divorced couple cannot "reconcile" they can only get married again. Divorce ends a marriage. Also, women could not divorce at this time. So when Paul speaks of a woman who "departs" he is not speaking of divorce. Also, the literal meaning of the Greek words chōrizō and aphiēmi is not divorce, but to put space between or to send away.
The last verses I wish to draw your attention to are these.
1 Cor.7:26-28
26 I think therefore that this is good by reason of the distress that is upon us, namely, that it is good for a man to be as he is. 27 Art thou bound unto a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife. 28 But shouldest thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Yet such shall have tribulation in the flesh: and I would spare you.
Paul clearly says that if you are bound to a wife, you should not seek to be loosed. This proves it is possible to be loosed. Then he tells those who are loosed not to seek to be bound. But then he says someting vitally important in verse 28. If the loosed person does marry, they have not sinned. He is only promoting celibacy due to this present distress that the church was under. Paul did not clarify how a person became "loosed" from a wife, but obviously those who are loosed were once bound. Also, it seems some in the church at Corinth might think it a sin for those loosed to marry and he tells them flat out that they do not sin.
Now to address the specific causes of the divorces you shared with me in your scenario. The woman's husband was clearly unfaithful to his marriage vows. This is adultery. When a man abuses his wife, he is unfaithful to his marriage. This is a fact regardless of whether or not the marriage was "in coC." Also, he eventually did commit adultery on a sexual level as well. But she is free to marry another whether this was the case or not. The man whose wife wanted divorce due to his military career was also showing unfaithfulness to her marriage vows. His military career was not a reason for a Christian woman to divorce him. I assume he didn't want the divorce.
Also, we all make mistakes in life. They left God, but have rededicated themselves to Him. They should marry each other and build a Christian home together becoming one flesh until death parts them. They will have God's blessing, but might not have the blessing of some church leaders and members. They need to expect that and determine the best way to deal with it. God does not like divorce, but even He divorced Israel.
I pray that this overly long response is helpful to you. If you have further questions or need any clarification on anything, just let me know. If there is a specific passage which troubles you, please let me know that as well. I humbly seek to provide Bible answers to Bible questions.
