AboutJoe Norman Expertise I can answer questions regarding acceptable worship, organization of the church, or any apsect of the Christian life. I am the son of a preacher and have studied the Bible from cover to cover since I was 12 years old. I am strong in my research skills and do not follow teachings of men. Many will label me as conservative and some might label me as liberal, but I just seek to be biblical. I understand proper exegesis and hermeneutics and apply them. My desire is to share my knowledge of God's Word with others. Please always keep in mind that none of us who are listed as experts here are divinely inspired and therefore it is possible to get incorrect answers from any one of us. Study the Scriptures and decide for yourself if what is taught is true.
Experience I am the 4th generation in my family to be a faithful member of the church of Christ. I was raised by a preacher and have studied the Bible everyday since I was twelve. I am 44 yrs old now. I am not a "scholar", but I am very familiar with the scriptures.
Organizations member of the church of Christ, served as a Deacon for a few years at LakeShore church of Christ in Waco, Tx. I currently live in the North Dallas area and worship with the Lewisville church of Christ.
Question 40 yrs. ago, my husband married his first wife in the Church of Christ. She left him after 6 months, but neither had committed adultery. After 8 months of desertion, he filed for divorce and he has had no contact with her since. My husband and I have been married for 25 years with children. His first wife recently contacted my husband and claims to him they are still married in God's eyes because their divorce was not caused by adultery. Is this the position and teaching of the Church of Christ?
Answer Hi Linda,
First allow me to thank you for choosing me to answer your question. I also wish to express to you my sorrow in hearing your story and how some are not correctly understanding God's word on divorce and remarriage. Please let me know if I am not understanding something correctly. From the things you shared, I assume you are not a member of the church of Christ but your husband is, am I correct in this assumption?
You asked me if the position and teaching of the "Church of Christ" is as you were told. Please know that the Lord's church does not have any book of Creeds, or Doctrines for all to follow. Our only guide is God's Holy Word. We do not have an overseeing governmental organization either like the many denominations have. Each local congregation is completely independent and autonomous. They each appoint elders from among themselves to oversee the work of that congregation as well. These elders must meet the qualifications listed in 1 Tim.3 and Titus 1.
So no we do not have an "official" doctrine or creed on any topic of the Bible. Yet I will say what you describe is the belief of the majority of Christians in the church of Christ. But not everyone in the church of Christ believes what I call the "traditional" view on marriage, divorce, and remarriage.
If I understand your story correctly, there was about a 14 yr gap between your husband's first marriage and your marriage to him. Then recently his first wife contacted him to tell him they are still married in the eyes of God which is a 40 gap? Is she claiming that from the time she left him up until now she has never had sex with another man? That is hard to believe.
Regardless, there is no evidence that any marriage is not recognized as a marriage by God or any divorce does not end all marriages. These ideas came from a poor understanding of Jesus' words in Matt.5 and Matt.19. So let's look more closely at these two passages.
The entire chapter of Matthew 5 involves Jesus preaching what is called the Sermon on the Mount. The first thing to remember is that the church was not yet established. That took place on the day of Pentecost in Acts 2. Jesus was speaking to Jews and was not giving new commands. Rather, He was seeking to correct the teachings of the Pharisees. Let me point you to some key verses. In verses 17-19 Jesus speaks about the fact that He didn't come to remove the Law and the Prophets. He goes so far as to say that not one letter would pass away until all was fulfilled.
Then He begins by making a series of statements that begin with something like, "you have heard it said" and then "but I say to you...". He does this when He speaks of divorce and remarriage as well. Let's examine these verses together.
Matt.5:31, 32
31 "Furthermore it has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
Notice what has been said in verse 31 is not exactly what was said in Deut.24. Moses mentioned a just cause for wanting to divorce in Deuteronomy. He used the Hebrew words "dabar ervah" which means "some uncleanness". The term actually covers a wide variety of things. It does not mean adultery. But the majority of Pharisees were teaching the cause for divorce didn't matter. So basically they did not care what the cause for divorce was because the man had the right to determine the cause. Jesus was correcting this teaching. No one should divorce for superficial reasons. Jesus was concerned about the large number of divorces and the lack of a real reason for these divorces. When He uses the word translated above as "sexual immorality", the Greek word being "porneia" and usually translated as fornications, is equivalent to the Hebrew, "dabar ervah". Porneia should not be translated as sexual immorality. It had a much broader meaning in Jesus' day than it has now. But the bottom line is Jesus tells them unless there is a real reason for getting the divorce, it is a sin to divorce and marry another...and a sin for anyone to marry a woman who was divorced without cause.
Notice in verse 32 that Jesus says the divorce causes her to commit adultery. The only thing that makes sense is she is forced into no longer being able to be faithful to her marriage vows when she is kicked out of the house. Now another detail I need to point out is when Jesus says "commits" adultery. Many in all denominations as well as in the Lord's church believe Jesus is speaking of a continuous sin act. They believe it is possible for a person to be guilty of adultery for as long as that person is in a second marriage. They believe it is possible for someone to have an "adulterous marriage". I disagree. It makes no sense. How can you be committing adultery by having sex with the person to whom you are currently married? This would be so shocking to the Jews that He would have been arrested that moment at the very least. Also I am convinced "commits" is a one-time act because the verbs "divorces" and "marries" are one-time acts and they are in the same sentence. Jesus' only concern here is who bears the guilt for the breaking if the marriage covenant.
Now when we look at the passage in Matthew 19, Jesus is being tested by the Pharisees. They were hoping to catch Him contradicting the Law of Moses. They asked Jesus if it is Lawful for a man to divorce his wife and marry another for ANY cause. As I said earlier, the majority of the Pharisees were teaching that it could be any cause the husband saw as a valid reason. It was at the discretion of the husband. Jesus corrected them. He started by asking in verse four "have you not read..." and quoted from the book of Genesis regarding the creation of man and woman and how God's original purpose was for one man and one woman to be joined as one flesh for life. This caused the Pharisees to ask why Moses commanded them to write a bill of divorce and put the wife away. In verse 8, he tells them Moses permitted them to divorce their wives due to the hardness of their hearts but from the beginning it was not so. Keep in mind that Moses permitted by the authority of God. God saw that mankind needed such a permission. Mankind continues to have hard hearts due to sin being in the world.
God does not wish anyone to be in a loveless marriage or an abusive one. Verse 9 is pretty similar to the passage we covered in chapter 5, so I don't feel the need to cover it again. But I need to point out that these two passages are the only places in the New Testament that have what is called the "exception clause". I believe it is because the gospel of Matthew was the only gospel written specifically to Jews and this exception clause was parallel to Deut.24.1-4. Nothing Jesus said contradicted the Law of Moses and none of it was directed to Christians.
To see what was written to Christians, we must look to what Paul wrote. Most of what he wrote on this topic is found in I Cor.7. Please study that whole chapter carefully. If you would like me to cover it in detail with you, please send me a follow-up question. I apologize for the length of this post and for taking so long to reply. I normally reply within 24 hrs of receiving a question, but have been ill and busy here as well. I will just conclude with my answer for you.
Your husband did nothing to deserve his first wife leaving him and even remained single for almost 15 yrs before finally getting married to you. I do not believe God sees your marriage as "adulterous" or any marriage for that matter. Divorce always ends a marriage even when done for the wrong reasons. So you and your husband need to ignore the wife and anyone in the Lord's church who tries to convince you that your marriage is adulterous and you need to divorce. Stay married and stay committed to each other. God will bless you richly for it. Live a Christian life together and you will be reunited in Heaven by the power of Christ's blood.
I hope I answered you clearly and thoroughly. But again feel free to ask me any follow-up questions or new ones. I will do my best to respond much faster next time.
