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About John Fields
Expertise
I can intelligently and respectfully discuss MOST thoughtful questions pertaining to doctrinal issues within the Churches of Christ. I feel myself to be especially adept when answering questions regarding the Gospel of Christ and baptism. I always strive to be humble, realizing that there are some issues that are respectfully and honorably debatable. I realize that the Bible is perfect and able to provide any truth that the seeker of truth is after. At the same time I realize that though I am very conscientious about pointing people in the right direction, I am still a fallible human being and certainly capable of making mistakes. I will always give my opinion AS my opinion and strive not to state as fact something which cannot be supported by good logic or a good thorough study through the scriptures.

Experience
I am a minister within the Churches of Christ. I have been preaching for 14 years and have been on five separate mission trips to the Volta Region of Ghana, West Africa. I have preached the Gospel to literally thousands of people and it is my passion to do so.

Education/Credentials
I graduated with honors from Atkins High School in Atkins, AR in 1984. I went on to get my Bible degree at Harding University in Searcy, AR where I graduated Cum Laude.

You are here: Experts > Religion/Spirituality > Christianity - Restorationism > Churches Of Christ > DIvorce and Remarriage

Churches Of Christ - DIvorce and Remarriage

Expert: John Fields - 9/28/2009

Question
I was married for almost five years. My husband was on drugs the entire time we were married. I don't know, if he cheated on me, but I assumed he did. He went to parties and many other things without me. He lived as a single man and I was there for him when he decided to come home. We separated about 3 times and each time I took him back. The last time was the straw that broke the camels back. I let satan get in the way of restoring my marriage and I had an affair. I was seeking affection, and I was wrong. I left my husband with whom I had one child, and I married this man with whom I had a child later on with. My second marriage ended in divorce, because he physically abused me. We were separated for one year. It took over a year to get a divorce. During this time I became pregnant with another mans child. I had a hard time being alone, and I understand I was wrong. I would lie in bed at night terrified of my actions. I then had three children. After I divorced my second husband I was focusing on God and my children. Along came someone who loved me and my children. I had wanted to make a family for them so, we married and had a child together. I am or was a christian. Now, I feel that I am going to hell. I feel that I am in an adulterous marriage, but I am not for sure. I don't know what to do. I want to live for God. I don't want to live in sin. I am reminded of the woman at the well, but I did'nt see that he told her what she should do. Should I divorce my 3rd husband and seek reconciliaton with my 1st since he is not married,but has another child? Should I stay single my entire life? What should I do? I do not want to go to hell and I do want to live for god. I have struggled with sexual sin, but I want to live for God.
Thanks,
April

Answer
Dear April,

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation and admire you for your forthrightness and willingness to accept responsibility for your actions. It is truly tragic when we move away from what God wants, yet, when we are in His Son Jesus Christ we ALWAYS have hope. We cannot mess things up so badly that He is unable to help us fix them.

It is a very good sign that you are feeling so badly about your sin. That is a very good start. It is the first step in repentance. I feel the same way here as the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 7:9-11 (9) yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

The sin of adultery, marriage-breaking, can occur in two ways, breaking the marriage while still in it by having a sexual relationship with someone not your spouse or remarrying after having divorced. When divorce occurs and adultery or sexual sin is not involved, the couple is to reconcile or else remain unmarried, seemingly, so that they can have the opportunity to reconcile later (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). It is a travesty that when Jesus died and forgave us so much that we would not find a way to forgive the one we are joined to and are obligated to forgive. The sin in a re-marriage in which sexual sin has not occurred previously is that we have been commanded to reconcile or remain single. When a re-marriage occurs, any chance of reconciliation is then over since a new marriage has been formed in the other one's place.

Some people say that you should repent of this sin by breaking your marriage again. Their reasoning is that they believe that you are not really married to the new person anyway because you are thought to still be married in God's eyes to the former person that you divorced. Since according to them you are still married to the other person in God's eyes, each time you share the marriage bed with the new mate you are actually defiling your original marriage that was never broken. Is this true? I don't believe so. Look at the biblical evidence.

1. In John 4 Jesus has contact with the Samaritan woman by the well. In verse 18 Jesus says that she has had five husbands. What is the liklihood that this woman was married five times after having been widowed each time? Nil. This woman had been married five times and had had FIVE husbands. So the idea that these were not real marriages is faulty. She was married FIVE times so she had FIVE husbands. Apparently she was not married at all and engaged in fornication (sex completely outside of marriage) when Jesus talked with her.

2. In Matthew 19:6 Jesus says "Let not man separate what God has joined together." Is man capable of TOTALLY separating what God has joined together by divorce and subsequent remarriage or not? Why would Jesus tell him he must not do this if it COULD NOT happen in the first place?

3. In Matthew 19:3-8 Jesus spoke concerning the law related to divorce and remarriage under Moses. Jesus referred back to it when He spoke on this subject. It says in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (1) If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance. What was the penalty for adultery at this time? The penalty was death by stoning. Yet, whatever indecency these husbands found in their wives surely did not involve the stoning offense, therefore, they were LEGALLY becoming other men's wives when adultery was NOT involved. Was God condoning "living in adultery?" No, He was not. Were these women still married in God's eyes to the men who had given them a divorce? NO!

So the question is how do you repent of the sin of marriage breaking? DO NOT break your marriage again. Stay with this man you have married and keep your vows to him. With what your struggles have been before it would appear that burning with passion would be a problem. Look in 1 Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. In my estimation, you need to remain married to avoid this.

Make certain that you have come to Jesus on His terms in the first place by having believed in Him, repenting of ALL of your sinfulness, having confessed Him as Lord, and being baptized in Jesus name.

These things having been said, and though I am VERY confident that I am being biblical on this issue, there are other viewpoints that take a very different view than mine. In humility I must acknowledge the possibility that I could be wrong. Honorable people have disagreed very much on this issue. What you do, do with God in mind. Pray for God's guidance in this matter and ask forgiveness for all of your sins regularly. If after doing the best you know how for God's sake and you have still been wrong, God's grace will cover you through Jesus. You must sincerely follow the best that you can and NEVER allow for ANY sin in your life. Jesus' heart must beat in your chest. Learn to love all of the things that Jesus loves and hate all the things that Jesus hates. I hope this helps. A book you can order that can help is the book Down But Not Out by Al Maxie. And PLEASE write to me to tell me how things are going.

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