AboutJoe Norman Expertise I can answer questions regarding acceptable worship, organization of the church, or any apsect of the Christian life. I am the son of a preacher and have studied the Bible from cover to cover since I was 12 years old. I am strong in my research skills and do not follow teachings of men. Many will label me as conservative and some might label me as liberal, but I just seek to be biblical. I understand proper exegesis and hermeneutics and apply them. My desire is to share my knowledge of God's Word with others. Please always keep in mind that none of us who are listed as experts here are divinely inspired and therefore it is possible to get incorrect answers from any one of us. Study the Scriptures and decide for yourself if what is taught is true.
Experience I am the 4th generation in my family to be a faithful member of the church of Christ. I was raised by a preacher and have studied the Bible everyday since I was twelve. I am 44 yrs old now. I am not a "scholar", but I am very familiar with the scriptures.
Organizations member of the church of Christ, served as a Deacon for a few years at LakeShore church of Christ in Waco, Tx. I currently live in the North Dallas area and worship with the Lewisville church of Christ.
Question QUESTION:
I divorced my christian husband and married a non believer.
I have repented deeply of my mistake, since I still love my ex-
husband and have no spiritual communion my current one. I spoke to my ex and asked him to forgive me and that I was willing to divorce my current husband and remarry him. He rejected me completely under Deuteronomy 24:1-3 tell me that is was an abomination to God and he is currently involve with someone else and have plans to get marry.
How can I correct my sin since I do not want to be bound to an unbeliever forever.
I have read the following advice you gave to somebody else out of your website:
"Covenant breaking is adultery and the way to repent of it is to stay faithful to your new husband. I hope that I have answered your questions and been of help to you. If you have any follow-up questions, just let me know and I will do my best to respond quickly. I pray that you will remain faithful to your current husband. We cannot change all past wrongs. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and seek to do better each day".
I live in an agony everyday of my life and can not stoop crying to the Lord everyday.
ANSWER: Hi Elizabeth,
First I must sincerely apologize for taking so long to respond to your question. I have not been well the past few days and hence have not checked my messages. I am so sorry I did not see this sooner and respond. Second, I also wish to express my sorrow in learning of your situation and the agony you feel.
Now please let me respond as best I can biblically to your situation. First, I believe your original husband was wrong in using Old Testament scripture the way he did. We are not under the Old Covenant. We are under the New Covenant. There is NOTHING in the New Testament to indicate returning to your original spouse is STILL an abomination to God. I believe the reason it was an abomination to God for the Jews was because God wanted to discourage wife swapping, but I could be wrong about that. Yet, under the Old Law, returning to the ORIGINAL spouse was an abomination before God. It is important to note that marrying a new third husband was NOT an abomination to God under the Old Covenant.
Apparently you don't love your current spouse which puzzles me because how can you marry someone you don't love? Love is more than a feeling it is a choice. When you choose to marry someone, you CHOOSE to LOVE that person above all others (alive) and cherish that person all the days of your life. My grandmother married a non-Christian man. Maybe she shouldn't have, but he always encouraged her and the kids to attend church services 3 times a week. He encouraged them to study their Bibles too. Yet he himself thought he was not worthy of God. He thought he was beyond redemption. But my grandmother stayed married to him because she vowed before God to stay married to him, love him and cherish him until death parts them.
Now covenant breaking is adultery, but re-marriage is not perpetual adultery. If you divorce someone so you can marry someone new, yes that whole thing is adultery, but it is a one time sin event. The new marriage does not keep a person in perpetual adultery.
Paul addressed those who are married to non-believers in I Corinthians.
1 Cor.7:12-17
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? 17 But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches.
Some believe this only applies to those who are already married and one is converted to Christianity. That is determined by verse 17 where Paul says, "as the Lord has called each on, so let him walk." Maybe this is true. Then there is the passage in chapter 6 of I Corinthians about not being unequally yoked with unbelievers.
2 Cor.6:14-18
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I WILL DWELL IN THEM AND WALK AMONG THEM. I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE." 17 Therefore "COME OUT FROM AMONG THEM AND BE SEPARATE, SAYS THE LORD. DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN, AND I WILL RECEIVE YOU." 18 "I WILL BE A FATHER TO YOU, AND YOU SHALL BE MY SONS AND DAUGHTERS, SAYS THE LORD ALMIGHTY."
But this passage is not about marriage and it seems that if it also included marriage, Paul would not have written what he did about those married to non-believers in the next chapter. What I believe is that it is possible for you to convert your current husband to Christianity and as long as he continues to love you and be faithful to you, why not be faithful to him, love him and strive to convert him rather than seek divorce? But if you truly want out of the marriage and refuse to love him, divorce him. It is not fair to him to stay in the marriage if you don't truly love him and won't.
Have you ever heard the saying, "You can't unscramble an egg." ? It seems this is what you are trying to do. You can't return to your original spouse mainly because he refused to take you back and is planning to marry someone new. If you can't stay in your current marriage, divorce him and marry a good Christian man. Repent of your sins and remain faithful to your new Christian husband. So many in the Lord's church falsely believe that divorce is an unforgivable sin. Truly divorce CAN BE a sin, but it is not always a sin, nor is it unforgivable when it is a sin.
I do hope that I have helped you and answered your questions well enough. If you have more questions feel free to write me again and I will strive to respond faster next time. May God be with you and guide you to make the best choices. No one on earth is perfect so all we can do is out best. When we make a mistake we must learn from it and move forward, not dwell on our past mistakes. May God bless you.
In Christian Love, Joe Norman
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you for your prompt response. It was fast enough for me.
I have study and scrutinized the bible also for many years and I though the same thing you did for Deuteronomy 24, however my ex it is very legalistic in many subjects and like to stay in the old law.
There is some points I did not write before.
1. I did remarry thinking that my current husband will help me forget
all the frustration and sorrows I went through with my first husband.
My current husband is a very good man, but completely rebellious about God and the Bible.
2. My original husband thought he loves me a lot until the other day,
probably a few months ago. According to his words 4 weeks ago, he
asked the Lord for the 2 years after I separated to take me away from his heart and his mind, and so God did.
3. I instead, thinking that he never really love me, ask the Lord to
find a wife for him, to love him just the way he is. And to help
me to forgive him for all the things he did to me.
Pretty much, I think the Lord granted both prayers, however, know I have
a tremendous love with forgiveness for him in my heart that I cannot remove and it is a painful and agonizing.
4. I also ask the Lord, before I married my second husband, that if he was not going to serve him to take it away from me, ( and I meant any
method) whether he lives me and remove my feelings toward him in my heart or by death) since I no longer will disobey His word and break another covenant.
Although, my ex rejected me, I believe and everybody else who knows us that the reason he did it, its because the pain I cause him by remarrying since his eyes were only for me all his life. (which I could not understand this base on the way he ignored me and my suffering).
I also believe that God is a God of the impossible, and in my repentance I asked him for one more change to restore the love of my ex for me in his heart and mind at the time he have planed. Of course, if this was part of his plan.
Meanwhile, I will honor my new covenant and strive to convert my unbeliever husband. My current prayer is that God carries out in my life his sovereign plan. No more what I want since we do not know what we want and what makes us contend, but our Creator does.
If I am thinking or praying wrong, please advice me with the wisdom God have gave you.
Elizabeth
Answer HI Elizabeth,
I am not sure how to advise you to tell the truth. I believe we all pray for things we want or things we think we need, but God is much wiser than we are and knows what we really need and what we don't. He also doesn't want you to think any sin is unforgivable other than blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. I think you need to determine whether or not your marriage is worth keeping. I am sorry I cannot advise you more. I think you are praying as best anyone can, but God knows better what we need. He also makes all things work together for the good to them that love Him. Even when bad things happen to you, remember that something good will result.
I am praying for you and hope that God is with you in the decisions you make. May His hand guide you through divine providence.
