Expert: Joe Norman - 10/19/2010

Question
Dear Joe,I wanna know about adultery.Wut does the bible really say.I'm tired of people tellin' me about I need 2 get married and stop shaking up.But people are always sinning,it don't matter who they are.Nobody is perfect,but God.We do wut we can/wanna do.Well, I wuz studying my bible,I came across a few scriptures about marrige.If a man lust with his eyes on a womans flesh that is also adultery,right?Well,gettin' married will not help a lot of us to stop commitin' adultery and the bible says that only divorce your spouce if they commit such crime.But GOD hates divorces.Why do people act like they dont sin and wanna try 2 tell others 2 do sumthin right,aren't they condemned they selves?In a way remarried is agianst the will of God,because they are held acountible 4 the sexual union they have.We r bound 2 our 1st marrige.I just think that it'z not right 2 divorce or remarry.We all sin everyday, no one is perfect but God.No one can be perfect but God.I think that the people who tell me to get married need 2 worry about other sins that I commit besides shackin up.Remember the eye can sin lust(adultery).1Cor7:39-Mal2:14;16-Rom7:2;3Heb13:14

Answer
Hi Ryan,

I will do my best to help you. The Bible and God doesn't view adultery as any worse a sin than any other sin. According to God, all sin is deserving of eternal death. Jesus shed His blood to provide a way for us to escape such punishment.

Fornication is as bad a sin as adultery. Lying is as bad...as God sees all sin as sin. "Shacking up" is definitely wrong and sinful. You are correct that nobody is perfect and only Jesus was able to live as human without sin. We do what we want and can do as you said, but if we are striving to live a Christian life, we must not sin that grace may abound. (Rom.6:1-7)

I understand what you wrote about looking on a woman's flesh and being guilty of adultery, but actually the passage you refer to doesn't say that. It says the following:

Matt.5:28  But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

I can notice an attractive woman and not commit adultery. If I were to look at a woman with lust in my heart for her so strong that I begin to fantasize about having sex with her and even consider ways in which I can make that happen, that is when I have committed adultery in my heart. If it is truly in a man's heart to commit adultery with some woman not his wife, yes he has committed adultery in his heart.

But just noticing an attractive woman isn't adultery. Also, Paul taught that one main thing marriage helps is it helps keep us from fornicating. (I Cor.7:1,2)

Your understanding of what the Bible says about divorce is also incorrect. First, the passage you refer to is Matthew 19:9.

Matt.19:9  And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that marrieth her when she is put away committeth adultery.

If you will notice, Jesus says that if a man divorces his wife he commits adultery by divorcing her - UNLESS he divorced her because she is guilty of "FORNICATION". Fornication is translated from the Greek word "porneia" which we get our American word "pornography" from. But the meaning of this word is very broad.

Also, Jesus was being questioned on the Law of Moses regarding divorce and remarriage and He was correcting the Pharisees. They were asking Him to explain Deuteronomy 24:1-3. Jesus was not giving guidance to Christians on divorce and remarriage. But having said that, Jesus and God have always designed marriage to be one man joined to one woman, becoming one flesh, for life. If you want to read the most complete instruction on divorce and remarriage written to Christians, you need to study I Cor.7. Paul covers divorce and remarriage very thoroughly in that chapter.

Paul spoke to the "unmarried and widows" several times in that chapter and "unmarried" must include those who have been divorced because nothing indicates "unmarried" should be limited in any way to only those never married. Paul tells the unmarried and widowed that if they lack the self control to live celibate, they should marry because it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (I Cor.7:6-9)

Later in that chapter, Paul says, "Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek to be bound. But if you do marry, you have not sinned. And if a virgin marries, she has not sinned." (I Cor.27,28)

It is true none of us are perfect, but if we see a fellow Christian "living in sin", we are duty bound to try and help him or her to turn from the deliberate sinful living. No one is perfect, but no one who is truly trying to live life as a Christian should deliberately live in a way they know to be sinful.

Heb 10:26,27
26  For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27  but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries.

Last I will tell you about W.C. Field. I am not sure if you know who he was, but he was a very famous and popular entertainer who was in very early movies and vaudeville before that. He was a very sinful man. One day he was seen reading the Bible. Someone asked him why he was reading the Bible. He answered, "Looking for loopholes".

God doesn't provide loopholes or exceptions to sin. Divorce was and is permitted by God but as Christians it should always be a last resort. We should do everything possible to save our marriage if in trouble. Only serious violations against the marriage covenant should be cause for divorce. But even if divorce occurs without serious violations by either party, it still ends the marriage. The person who filed for divorce sins if there is no good reason. But all sin is forgivable when a person repents sincerely. Repentance is a change of mind that leads to a change of action. Repentance is more than saying "I am sorry" to God. It is vowing to do your very best not to commit that sin of which you are repenting of ever again.

I am sorry for the delay in answering you. I have been very busy lately. I do hope that I have helped you to understand God's Word better and if you have follow-up questions, I am more than happy to answer those too. Just keep in mind, this is not a debate web site. I am here to help you understand God's Word. I am here to answer Bible questions with Bible answers. Divorce is not always wrong or a sin. Neither is re-marriage a sin. In the first 400 years after the church was established on the day of Pentecost (33 AD), not one person or couple was told their marriage was "adulterous" and not one person or couple was told in order to make their lives right with God, they must divorce their current spouse and either remain celibate the rest of their lives or return to their first spouse. This is a fact.

May God continue to bless you in your study of His Word and your efforts to live a life pleasing to Him.