Expert: Marvin Howard - 2/11/2010

Question
I am a member of a small (conservative) Church of Christ.  We only have three men:  minister, minister's adult son, and an adult male who suffers from bipolar disorder.  The minister's son moved out of state a couple of weeks ago; the minister just announced he will also be moving out of state next month.  The remaining adult male has great difficulties with anxiety and leading the congregation due to his bipolar disorder.  His attendance is also sporadic.  When he has been the only male in attendance, he read a bible scripture and performed communion and gave the opening and closing prayer.  He is not as comfortable with doing any additional duties.  Therefore, he closes worship and we have an adult bible class w/ everyone participating in the discussion.  I believe we are conducting the worship service in an orderly fashion and in accordance with God's word.  However, when the adult male is not present, there are only women plus my 14 year old son.  He has not been baptized.  There are some women in the congregation who believe he should not be present because of 1 Timothy 2:12.  My faith is my son is not a man since he is not fully developed, is not mature and is a highly functioning autistic individual.  Who would then teach my son?  Because I do not want to cause any division, I am willing to withdraw my membership (without any hard feelings) so the other women who believe he is a male can worship in peace.  However, where would I go?  At what age is a boy biblically defined as a man?  Because of the situation this places me in, I asked that we discuss this outside of worship.  It was decided that everyone should study 1 Timothy and develop their own faith.  Two out of six women studied and have stated their faith is my son is not yet a male and cite Timothy's mother and grandmother as an example that he could be present.  The other four will not comment and remain silent although in the pass when this situation has developed, some chose to drive great distances, visiting other C of C congregations.  I do not want to be a cause of our local, but small, congregation being divided.  Again, I am willing to leave but have no place to go.  Any thoughts on these issues would greatly be appreciated because I do not want to be labeled division and contentious.  Thank you.

Answer
Hi!

Michelle, I do apologize for not responding in a timely manner. My wife and father both passed within a day of each other (just a little more than a month ago), and I forgot to reset my vacation dates.

James 4:17, "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin."

There is no set age where one is accountable; it varies from individual to individual. Some reach this age as young children, and others never reach it. In reality, there are three classes of people to God: the saved, the lost, and the safe.

I do not know the full mental capability of your son. You must make the call as to whether he is able to understand what God wants -- and why. If he does not, he is safe, and not required by God to obey the Gospel; nor any other command of God.

I believe I detect in your question that you believe that the prohibition against women usurping authority over a man applies only when Christian men are present. I agree with this point, and it is based (in large part) on the Scriptures you referenced.

Please tell our bipolar Brother that comfort level provides no excuse: it didn't when he obeyed the Gospel, and it doesn't now. I am bipolar, but I can now do everything in worship. In fact, I have been called upon to do so in a congregation of 12 where I was the only male. This may be a case where God is forcing someone out of their comfort zone to make him grow spiritually.

You are to be commended for trying to be undevisive. I do not see that attitude displayed nearly enough. If the congregation will not accept you in a very real situation, you may have to move. No one likes it, and I am not advising you to do it as anything but a last resort. However, if push comes to shove, I can help in locating congregations around the world. In the past, I have found congregations in communities when the querist did not know one was present. If not in your community, I will find the closest.

Michelle, I will pray for you in this situation, and that God's Will may be done all in all. If I can be of further assistance, please let me know.

In His Service,
Marvin Howard