Expert: John Fields - 1/27/2011

Question
Dear sir i have this question to ask. I am soon to get married to a girl. She honestly admitted that she had sex with her ex partners before. 2 of them .Now i am confused wether to get married with her or not.
She apologize to me and promise that she won't do again.
But this thing keep on haunting me and prevent me to get married and i am scared she will do it again.
My intention is to get married with her and go to Church of Christ and learn more about truth.She is a catholic. Please advice on this. Thank you.

Answer
This is not an easy question to answer. To begin, there is a big reason that God condemns fornication and wants sex to only be within the confines of marriage. Children with little hope of a good life can come into the world unexpectedly. Diseases, many of them deadly and costly, can come about. There is often a social cost for those guilty of this sin even when they try to do better later. How about when it is time to try to explain to the children why they should abstain and wait for marriage? It is a moral law, among other reasons, because in order to commit this act other people will suffer and be lowered and hurt in addition to the one guilty of it. Never does the act of fornicating not hurt AT LEAST two other people, namely, the one that is being sinned with and the loving God who gave the moral command to help the ones it was addressed to in the first place.

So God had good reasons to warn us not to commit this and all forms of sin because there are WEIGHTY and DIFFICULT consequences that result from ignoring Him and doing them anyway.

As important as forgiveness is, trust is also something which is very important. It is often sold off cheap but it is VERY costly to get back. You obviously are having your doubts or you would not be asking my input.

I advise you to forgive her because God is love and He wants us to forgive others since we all sin and fall short in many ways ourselves. At the same time, while forgiveness is offered freely since we cannot truly know all that is within another sinner's heart, trust is NOT the same as forgiveness. If a person robs me this week and a week later they become a Christian and ask my forgiveness I will forgive them. But that does not mean that I will leave them alone with my money. Forgiveness is given freely but trust is earned through consistent, repetitive, loving actions. My advice is to wait until it can truthfully be said that you trust her. This is your life and hers combining into one and it is a HUGE decision. You have the right to wait and see if she is truly serious. and truthful. It is a sad thing but sometimes people lie to get what they want. Is she truthful? Unless you are willing to take a big gamble with the most precious commodity you have, your life, give it time. Waiting is NOT the same thing as not trusting or not forgiving. She spent that trust currency when she fell, now it will take time to earn it back. It should go without saying that if one person is guilty of the same thing they are noticing in another that this trust and forgiveness factor becomes a two-way street. Pray to God for guidance as to what you should do, He is the greatest guide for us in times of need.I hope this is helpful.