Expert: John Fields - 12/8/2011

Question
I have two questions about qualifications of elders:  Can a widower be an elder?  And, if an elder has left his position as an elder in one church, without explanation due to a conflict another elder, can this man qualify to be an elder in another congregation?

Our minister is allowing this person to seek this position.  He is moving forward eventhough many of the other brothers have not been included in the discussion and have reservations about his character and temperament.  Can you recommend books or other resources to guide us in selection of deacons and elders?  Your answers are always very helpful.

Answer
Please forgive the delay. I've had a lot of things on my plate.

First of all, the choosing of leaders, short of having an apostle's divine help, should involve the men and/or the congregation. Sometimes a preacher can take too much upon himself. As to the conflict with the other elder of the one who is seeking the position, it would be good to have both sides of that story so there could be a proper framing of the context.

As to the qualification of an elder being the husband of only one wife, there has been more than a little debate about what that means. It is also stated as a qualifier for a deacon. Is it a reference to marital status or a reference to character?

All of the other qualifications speak to the character and qualities of the man seeking the position. For instance, the man must not be a new convert, must have managed his family well and must have believing children. ALL of these things refer to management ability, temperament and spiritual maturity and discernment. So it seems very likely that the one about being the husband of only one wife must equally be speaking to this.

Is it one wife ever or one wife at a time? Or is it something else?

I have heard many people make the point that this was likely a figure of speech, that it literally could be said he must be a one woman man. In other words the kind of man who loves and is faithful to only one woman.

I think it extremely unlikely that it is referring to him only having one wife as opposed to engaging in polygamy. This is because the phrase is used in reverse of a one man women in 1 Timothy 5:9 . The practice of having a "man harem" didn't happen. So what was true of the woman would also seem true of the man. So what we are looking for would be an indicator of his integrity and fidelity to God as well as the woman he would be married to.

Some modern translations translate it "he must be faithful in marriage." While I think that this captures the heart of the teaching, it leaves out the crucial distinction that it said he must be faithful to a WOMAN   in marriage NOT   merely faithful in marriage. There is a BIG   difference. Generically saying faithful in marriage would potentially open up an abuse in which someone attempts to make a male only position open to a woman. This is not called for or allowed if it properly shows he must be faithfully married to a WOMAN . If it is stated "he must be faithful to his wife" then that is what I believe would be the accurate portrayal of the thought and intent of those verses (1 Timothy 3:21, Timothy 3:12, Titus 1:6 ).


In MOST cases, a man who has been married to the same woman for many years is showing something favorable about his character, but not always. There are men who have been married 60 years who have had many mistresses, likewise men who have been married for long periods who abuse their wives. Obviously, the fact that a person has been married a long time does not necessarily mean that they are of a good caliber.

So if the quality is referring to a figure of speech, the "one woman man," as frankly seems EXTREMELY likely to me, then any man who has the character of having been married AND faithful while married would fit this profile. So a man who was wronged by an unfaithful spouse but was faithful himself (and is in a new marriage) or a man who is now married again after having been a widower would both likely be qualified. But great care should be taken to educate the members in light of the foregoing things mentioned. If the man is no longer married I think due to the fact that a single man is open to all kinds of potential difficulties that he is OUT of the running until he is married.

Though I haven't read the book, Lynn Anderson's "They Smell Like Sheep" books come heavily recommended by many.