Expert: Joe Norman - 2/22/2011

Question
Hi, Joe...
We are wondering...my first husband left me without scriptural cause.  My fiancee divorced his first wife after much repentence and with elder and deacon guidance at the Church of christ over twenty years ago.  Both of our first spouses are happily remarried (one couple with children).  We would like to get married and are being told by a minister in the Church of christ that he is not able to remarry and we will be adulterers if we do.  Please advise.

Thanks!

Answer
Hi Kathryn,

It is always important for Christians to understand that God desires for us to marry one time and until death parts you. We should not enter into marriage lightly. We should choose our spouse carefully and seek to marry someone who is spiritually mature. Having said that, divorce can and will occur. Sometimes it is initiated by one spouse because the other one cheated on them or abused them. Sometimes divorce is initiated based on selfish and or sinful reasons. But divorce ALWAYS ends a marriage even when not done with any valid reason or for sinful reasons. I see no indication in God's Word that some divorces are not seen by God as true divorces.

Your husband just chose not to remain married to you for selfish and possibly sinful reasons. It was no fault of your own and you had no way to stop him from divorcing you. You didn't want the divorce from what I understood. But your husband left you and divorced you anyway.

Your fiance' divorced his wife - although you didn't tell me WHY he divorced his first wife, it seems you indicate his reason was sinful because he studied with an elder and a deacon and repented of his sins regarding the divorce.

I firmly believe the minister who tells you that he isn't free to marry you or anyone is wrong. I also believe that if he marries you, the two of you will NOT be perpetual adulterers by remaining married to each other. This idea comes from Jesus and the passage most use is Matthew 19:9. It also comes from assumptions made when reading Romans 7:1-3 and I Corinthians 7:10, 11.

But they ignore the proper context of Jesus' words completely. Jesus was being "tested" by Pharisees on Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Jesus reminds them God's original purpose was one man and one woman joining in marriage to become one flesh for life. They then ask why Moses gave a command to divorce. Jesus explains it was due to the hardness of man's heart. Mankind still sometimes has a hard heart. Divorce is a necessary but destructive thing. Then Jesus merely reminds the Pharisees that the REASON for divorce was very important and not to be ignored. His instruction though was NOT for the Christian age. He was correcting Pharisees on Old Covenant Law.

Jesus' use of what we call "the exception clause" was to remind them of Moses' reason for divorce that is found in Deuteronomy 24. Moses said to divorce ONLY if the wife lost favor in her husband's eyes because she had done something to bring great shame or disgrace upon her husband. It is not clear what specifically she had to do but it wasn't adultery because anyone guilty of adultery would be stoned to death and no divorce was needed. This is why Jesus says unless the wife is guilty of "fornication" or something bringing shame or disgrace upon her husband, then divorce and remarriage would result in adultery. But that adultery was not perpetual. It was a one time sin act. The divorce was a one time act. The remarriage was also a one time act. Therefore the adultery MUST also be a one time act. But bottom line is the words of Jesus were not given to Christians under the New Covenant.

Romans 7:1-3 is taken completely out of context too. Divorce is never even mentioned and Paul is merely trying to better explain that a person can't join to the New Covenant until they first die to the Old Covenant. It is not even trying to teach us about divorce and remarriage.

In regard to I Cor.7:10,11 - that passage is not about divorce either but it is about separation without divorce. I will share my reason for believing it is about separation. The literal word for divorce in Greek was "apostasian" which is not used. Also, Paul begins verse 10 by saying "To the married" and did not begin by saying "to the divorced". My last reason for believing this is not about divorce is that if the couple has divorced there is no possible way to "reconcile" with her husband. She can ONLY remarry him. Also at the time this was written only the men were able to file for divorce.

If you have further questions I am more than happy to answer them and if there is a specific passage in the Bible that troubles you and you want me to analyze and explain it, just let me know. I am more than willing to help you in any way. Bottom line though is I believe you can marry your fiance and have a long and happy Christian marriage that is NOT perpetual adultery. How do you commit adultery (sex with someone not your spouse) if you are married to that person?

I am praying for you and wish you many years of happiness and that you remain true to each other until death parts you.

In Christian Love, Joe Norman