Expert: Joe Norman - 5/17/2011

Question
My husband was married previously, and cannot tell me why his first marriage ended, all he says is that it doesn't matter it was in the past.  Are we in an approved marriage if his first wife remarried before we did?  He says that her remarriage was the adultery that O.K.'s our marrige.
Please help me sort out my confusion.

Answer
Hi Andrea,

If you haven't read my previous answers to others on divorce and remarriage, I highly recommend you read them because I thoroughly cover the scriptures which speak of divorce and remarriage. If you have read my previous answers you should know my point of view already. But I will do my best to answer your questions and help you sort out your confusion.  

First, I don't believe your marriage would be "unapproved" in God's eyes even if your husband's first wife hadn't married someone new first. What happened in the past is in the past and can't be undone. I don't believe a true Christian should ever even consider divorce. We should always see marriage as once and for life. But it takes that attitude from both in the marriage to keep the marriage together and happy. Once someone lets selfish attitudes and or sinful desires take over, the marriage will end unless the person who is being taken over by sin can find his or her way back to living by Christian standards.

If your current husband divorced his first wife for selfish and sinful reasons it was wrong for him to divorce but he can repent of that sin even if it's too late to save the first marriage. After he repents of the sins which caused his divorce, he is then able to be married and get it right with his new wife. If your husband sinned and his first marriage ended because of it, he needed to repent of the sin or sins which caused his marriage to end. If he hasn't repented yet, he needs to repent to God as soon as possible. But regardless, your marriage is legitimate and you should both remain in the marriage. Stay faithful and true to each other and to God.

I do believe God hates divorce. So why would anyone think God would want anyone to divorce in order to be right with Him? If you lie how do you repent? Do you never speak to anyone again? No, you strive not to lie anymore. If you steal how do you repent? Do you never go into a store and shop anymore? No, you strive never again to steal something. If you sinned by divorcing your spouse how do you repent? Do you never again have a marriage? No, you strive never again to end your marriage if you enter into a new one. If your sin was adultery how do you repent? Do you strive never again to have a marriage? No, you strive not to ever commit adultery again which is to never cheat on your spouse. So if you enter into a second marriage, you remain faithful until death parts you.

I ask you to read I Cor.7:27 and 28. Paul says if you are bound to a wife, don't seek to be loosed and if you are loosed from a wife, don't seek to be bound. But he ends by saying but if you do marry, you haven't sinned. Now clearly if you are "loosed" from a wife, you were at one time bound. So this has to refer both to those divorced and those who are widowed. Paul also explains one major purpose of marriage is to help us avoid the sin of fornications in the first two verses of I Corinthains 7. He also tells a married coupld they shouldn't refuse sex from each other because the husband belongs to the wife and the wife belongs to the husband. He does say you can refrain from sex if it's a mutual decision so you both can focus on prayer, but you shouldn't go very long without sex because Satan will begin to tempt one or both of you to cheat.

In verses 7 and 8 Paul explains only those who have "the gift" are able to endure a life celibate like he did and that number is few. So he says if a man lacks the self control to live celibate, he should marry because it's better to marry than to burn with passion. So many within the Lord's church ignore this passage because it totally conflicts with their views on divorce and remarriage. But we are to always test what is taught to see if it is true and what is traditionally taught on divorce and remarriage doesn't past the test when you carefully consider all the passages on this topic.

I pray I have been of some help to you. I am sorry it took a little while to respond. I recently moved and also have returned to college so my time is limited. I highly encourage you to remain in your marriage and work daily to make it a strong and happy marriage. Leave the past in the past and live from this day forward to make your marriage the best it can be. May God be with you and your husband and help to quide you both. I will pray for your husband and I am praying for you sister Andrea. Please feel free to ask a follow up question or new questions. If I am able to help, I will do my best.

In Christian Love, Joe Norman