Churches Of Christ/marriagr,divorce and possible remarriage
I am divorced and engaged. i grew up in a AG church and so did my ex husband. Since our divorce i have lived a backslidden life and am trying to turn my life around hoping its not tol late. i have been studyinf my bible and really inderstand what it means and why i should live a life like Christ. i didnt really have a clear inderstanding before really i just knew what wasnt right. during my marriage we went through hard times i wanted to go to church and live a christian life and my husband didnt really care about church much bit he would go most of the time. he was emmotionally abusive and would deny me sexually. we went to counseling but it didnt seem to help we arrgued alot and never understood eachother. during the marriage i had a relationship w someone sexually and it was akso a friendship. i never told my husband about it. we didbt divorce b.x of it and after the sivorce i stopped it b.c i started feeling bad and i just knew it was wrong i have repented for my affair and the divorce. i have also repented for the crazy life i have been living since the divorce. my exvhusband and i have talked and forgiven eachother of everything and we hold no grudges(except the affair bmc i dont know if i have to tell him if i have acknowledged it and i am sibcerely repebtive of it.) i hqve been reqdingf alot of my bible and studying this subject and am not aure if i should marry or not. my fiance is not an active Christian and i have told him i have got to stop living the way i have been because i have got to listen to God. we had been living together and i now live back at home. i asked God to make sonethinf happen if the relatiobship wasnt right and the next week he said he just wqsnt ready for marriage and he wasnt sure about it anymore. he wants to stqy engaged and we are but i felt like that was God telling me to move out or get out of the relatiobship. i am just not sure if i can marry again or not. i have mentioned this to my ex and he ia asking if i am sayinf we ahould get back together. i dont know what to do.
Your story is very sad to read but not uncommon and that is sad as well. Obviously it was and is wrong to "live with" someone when you are not married - even if you are engaged to be married. You understand that and I think you understand what things you have done that were wrong and sinful. So many people though think they can unscramble an egg. You just can't do that though. I have answered more questions here on divorce and remarriage than any other topic. So many people out there are hurting and confused and feel they are without hope. So many feel they are either doomed to end up in Hell or to live a very unhappy and lonely life here on earth.
God's Grace is amazing and although there was a measure of His grace under the Old Covenant, the full measure of His grace is given to us under the New Covenant. I can't tell you whether or not you should end the relationship completely with the man you are currently engaged to because that should be your responsibility and choice alone. The same is true about whether or not you should re-marry your first husband. I can give you my opinion but to be honest my opinion isn't worth more than another's opinion. What I can tell you is that you do not have to live alone and celibate the rest of your life. The sins you repented of were the divorce and the adultery and the "living together" when not married. Repentance does not look backward it looks forward. We are saying from this moment on I am changing my life for the better. I will do my best to turn from my ways of sin. When we study carefully 1 Cor.7 we see that Paul only encourages celibacy because the church was being persecuted at that time. Look especially at verses 26-28. In that passage Paul says are you "loosed" from a wife...don't seek to be bound...but if you do marry you do not sin. Now that word loosed implies that at one time the person was bound so this can refer to both someone who is widowed and one who is divorced. Paul does not limit his words to only the widowed. He encourages them not to marry again - but says if they choose to marry they do not sin. Obviously some in the church at Corinth were telling people that if they enter into a new marriage they would be sinning but Paul is telling them they do not sin by marrying again.
If you want my opinion regarding your situation here it is for you now. I think maybe it would be wise to end the relationship all together with the guy you are engaged to and you should seek a man who is a Christian and truly striving to live for God. I do not think you should return to your first husband either...unless he agreed to get counseling for his verbal abusiveness and if you both agreed to get pre-marrital Christian counseling. It would be a great thing too if he chose to have Bible studies with someone to truly learn the truth and genuinely convert to being a Christian. These are my opinions and you do not need listen to them. You must make your own choices and I believe you will make good choices and that you truly are seeking to live for God and God knows your heart.
I hope my answer has helped but if you have any more questions please feel free to ask me more okay. God bless you.
In Christian Love, Joe Norman