Churches Of Christ/remarriage
My boyfriend and I currently live together and have a two year old son. We want to be married but are concerned he does not the right to remarry. He and I began dating and having sexual relations while he was still legally married to his first wife. They were in the process of getting a divorce that she filed for because she had an affair and ask her then husband (my boyfriend) to move out so she could be wit and marry the other man. We did not meet or even know each other at this time. He never cheated on his wife while they were in a committed relationship. When we met they were living apart and waiting on the divorce to be finalized. We both know what we are doing is wrong but do not know what to do about it. My question is can we get married even though we were having sexual relations before the divorce was finalized. They were not living as husband and wife and she had already moved the other man into their home. And since she put him away and not the other way around does he have the right to marry.
Sherhea, What made Adam and Eve husband and wife? Was there a man to marry them? Did they have a marriage license or certificate? What made Isaac and Rebekah husband and wife in Genesis 24:67? Was there a ceremony in Sarah's sleeping tent?
The ex-wife in this situation, because no one cheated on her, could not put him away. He was not put away before she cheated on him. At that point, HE put HER away, regardless of what man had to say about it.
Yes, we are to comply with the laws of man as far as we can without breaking God's Law according to Romans 13 and others. But, when God's Law says she could not put him away, we cannot call God a liar and say he was.
With that said, what would it take to make the two of you be married? Will it take God's definition of marriage to make you one flesh? Or will it take a paper signed by man? What makes a man and woman be one flesh?
1st Corinthians_6:16, "What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he (Quoting Genesis 2:24, MRH), shall be one flesh."
Being "one flesh," that is being married (Genesis 2:24 et. al.), is simply having sexual relations. Having a license is nothing more than man making acknowledgement of what has already happened, or trying to give his permission for something to happen when he has no authority to give such permission.
But, you must also consider this passage:
James 4:17, "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin."
If YOU believe something is sin, and do it anyway, it is sin to YOU; even if it is okay with God. If YOU believe it is wrong to take him as a husband now (before divorce is granted by man or before a marriage license), then to you it is sin. If HE believes that then it is sin to HIM. If it is sin to either of you, then you must stop the union (repent) until such time as you know you can be married.
In any case, because she cheated on him, and not vice versa, he is free to marry and she is not. That much is fact. As far as what makes marriage, that is supported by scripture, and thus is fact, even though most people disagree with it. The reason for disagreement has its root in catholicism that believes man has the right to authorize marriage for others as he sees fit.
So, Sherhea, I will conclude this way. Based on my understanding of Scripture, You are free to marry, and are already in fact married while awaiting government paperwork to mirror the current situation. However, if such is not your conclusion, or it is not his conclusion, then you must go with your conclusion. If after study you or he determines you are not allowed to marry, then you cannot marry. If you or he conclude you are not already married, even if you are free to marry because of her infidelity, and that it is sin for you to act married, then you must quit until you recognize your current marriage.
I realize the majority will disagree with me on most of this (some to the right and some to the left). I cannot teach people who do not wish to have their delusions shattered by facts. All I can do is show you what I see, and ask you to give it prayerful consideration and study before reaching any conclusions.
I understand your difficulties, and will keep you in my prayers. I am now a widower and find myself in an unconventional situation, so I ask for your prayers, as well. You see, I really do understand and share your concern, and have been recently studying the situation.
In His Service,