Expert: Joe Norman - 11/1/2007

Question
I couldn't help but notice that you wrote, "If a person divorces for reasons other than adultery and marries another, it was a sin to divorce the first spouse, but that person does not commit adultery by marrying another"

Matthew 19:9 states that"Whoever puts away their spouse, except for fornication, and marries another commits adultery."  What you have said is in direct contradiction to the word of God.  The adultery is not in the divorce.  It is in the remarrying of another.

Answer
Nathan, I deeply appreciate you giving me an opportunity to answer you. You claim that I contradict the word of God, but you are not correct and I am more than happy to help you to understand God's Word more accurately. The majority of the churches of Christ have been taught error regarding divorce and remarriage for so long that it is near impossible to undo the error. I myself held to the traditional teachings on divorce and remarriage but there were some things that Paul wrote that always bothered me because they seems to be contrary to what I was raised to believe. I will get into that soon, but first, let me correct you regarding Matthew 19:9.

 The first mistake you are making is you are not considering the proper context of the passage. Who was Jesus speaking to here? What question was He answering? Your assertions seem to imply you believe Jesus was speaking to Christians and giving instruction for Christians to follow. This is not the case at all.

Jesus was speaking to Pharisees. He was correcting them on their teachings of the Law of Moses. (Deut.24) Let's break down the passage shall we? What was the question the Pharisees asked?

Matthew 19:3  And there came unto him Pharisees, trying him, and saying, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?

 The first thing that is clear is that the Pharisees were testing Jesus on how He would interpret the Law of Moses and how that Law related to their own interpretations and traditions. They asked - "It is lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?" They were seeking an answer from the Law of Moses.

 There were two schools of thought at that time in the Jewish community. The school of Hillel and the school of Shammai. Hillel's teachings were the most popular and it is possible they were seeking to entangle Jesus in a conflict between these two schools of interpretations. The Law they referred to was Deuteronomy 24:1-4. When you evaluate the instructions of Moses, there were three parts to a Jewish divorce. The first step was to write a "bill of divorcement"; second, to put it in his wife's hand, and last, to "put her away". The bill of divorcement gave the wife the freedom to marry someone else. Notice that to "put away" is NOT divorce...just the last step in a Jewish divorce.

 It is important to remember that the Pharisees were not asking, "Can a person remarry?", but, "Can a man put away his wife for any cause?" The law permitted the wife to remarry as long as she was given a "bill of divorcement before she was "put away." Now let us consider Jesus' answer.

Matthew 19:4-6
 And he answered and said, Have ye not read, that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh? So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

 His first words are significant. He said, "Have you not read"? Jesus was trying to get them to realize what God has always intended. God has always wanted there to be ONE man and ONE woman in marriage until death parts them. They become ONE flesh. Yet, this caused the Pharisees to ask another question of Jesus. What was that question?

Matthew 19:7
They say unto him, Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorcement, and to put her away?

 Notice the Pharisees mention two main parts in a Jewish divorce. "bill of divorcement" and "put away". They are essentially asking why did Moses allow us to divorce if God never intended there to be divorce. Here is Jesus' answer.

Matthew 19:8 and 9
 He saith unto them, Moses for your hardness of heart suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it hath not been so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that marrieth her when she is put away committeth adultery.

 His first statement is that it was due to the hardness of their hearts. Now I must ask, are not all humans burdened with hard hearts on occasion? Is any of us immune to temptations and selfish desires? Also, He never tells them that the Law of Moses is no longer in effect. Jesus was subject to the Law of Moses while He was in human form. He never contradicted the Law while he was on earth.

 The law of Moses was given to protect the women from heartless husbands and generally preserve the integrity of the marriage covenant. Jewish men were putting away their wives for silly and sometimes selfish and sinful reasons. This was not ever to be the case. Divorce was not something to be done for any reason. Yet some even were putting away their wives without a "bill of divorcement."

 Jesus told them next that it was not so from "the beginning"; meaning, God never wanted a married couple to divorce at all. When God created man and woman He ALWAYS intended ONE man and ONE woman for life. Now did Jesus actually give an acceptable reason for divorce? Is Matthew 19:9 giving us only one reason divorce is acceptable to God? It is my contention that the answer is NO.

 Jesus stated - "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that marrieth her when she is put away committeth adultery." Jesus never used the word divorce here. He used the word "apoluo" which the most reliable translations always translate "put away" and NOT divorce. The word that means divorce is "apostasion." This means complete separation. So what Jesus is saying is that if a woman is "put away" without a "bill of divorcement" and marries another, they commit adultery and if someone marries a woman who is merely "put away", they commit adultery. Why? It is because they were not completely divorced. They only were "put away." This is the only explanation that makes sense because otherwise, Jesus contradicts the Law of Moses...which He never did. Also, to hold to the traditional teaching on divorce and remarriage has other problems.

 Paul stated clearly in I Corinthians some things that are problematic for those who hold to the traditional teaching. The first thing he states is at the very beginning of chapter 7.

1 Corinthians 7:1 and 2
 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. But, because of fornications, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

 It is clear that Paul thinks it would be best for men to never be married. Why? So they can focus all their attention on spreading the gospel. But because of fornications (which cover multitudes of sexual sins), each man and each woman should have a spouse.

The next statement that is problematic for the traditional teachings is also in this chapter.

1 Corinthians 7:8 and 9
 But I say to the unmarried and to widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they have not continency, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

 It should be clear that if ANYONE is forbidden to marry for ANY reason, there is a sure possibility that they would be forced into fornications because they are not allowed to marry if their divorce is "unscriptural". Paul tells ALL who are not married that it is better to marry than to "burn". Paul knew that very few men could control their sexual urges as he did. The only way it is acceptable for a man to live his life celibate is if it is his choice and he is confident that he can resist the temptations of fornications.

 The next problem the traditional view has is a statement Paul made in I Timothy.

1 Timothy 4:1-3
But the Spirit saith expressly, that in later times some shall fall away from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits and doctrines of demons, through the hypocrisy of men that speak lies, branded in their own conscience as with a hot iron; forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by them that believe and know the truth.

Forbidding to marry is listed among several other things that Paul calls "doctrines of demons."

 Now I never want ANYONE to ever get a divorce. If both are Christian, even the thought of divorce should never even enter their minds. Unfortunately, sin is still possible in a Christian life and marriage. Hearts can get hardened as well. Divorce can and will and DOES happen all too often. Keeping the traditional teachings has not even slowed divorces or remarriages. What it HAS done is turn many souls to the arms of Satan. Many souls have been lost by the traditional "doctrine of demons." No one in the Lord's church has the authority to forbid anyone to marry. We are not God or Jesus. We cannot force a burden on someone that they cannot bear.

Before I conclude, I want to cover what is involved in repentance because so many have told me that the only way to repent of an "unscriptural divorce" is to live a celibate life.

 When does God forgive sins such as fornications, lying, stealing, drunkenness, extortioners, and the unrighteous?

 Sins are forgiven when one repents, complies with God's commandments, and petitions God for forgiveness. When God forgives, His forgiveness is IMMEDIATE and COMPLETE. When does God forgive adultery? In attempting to answer this question, some may say that there are many circumstances that must be determined. It is interesting that one's marriage relationship is the one circumstance that leaders, elders, preachers, and others must investigate before granting "full" fellowship or acknowledgment of God's forgiveness. Others can come before the church requesting prayers, wishing to "place" membership or expressing a desire to be baptized and they are often accepted, fully anticipating God's forgiveness. However, in the case of divorce, by some method or reasoning, traditional viewpoint theology dictates that their backgrounds must be checked to determine that they are eligible to become "church members."

 The difficulty with the marriage and divorce question is not the question of marriage and divorce, but one of forgiveness. Why would Jesus add divorced people to His church on the day of Pentecost? Some preachers have said they would not baptize divorced people, unless they could determine that they were "scripturally" divorced. In other words, preachers have become investigators and judges of other men's deeds.

 Can adultery be like stealing, and be committed only once and then be forgiven; or once adultery is committed, does one have to do penance the rest of his or her life without the hope of full forgiveness? Does the divorce define the meaning of adultery, or do subsequent acts define the meaning of adultery? If a man steals an item and God forgives him, is he always thereafter a thief? If one tells a lie and God forgives that lie, is he always thereafter a liar? Is there no healing and no redemption and must one live with his sin the remainder of his/her life?

 Jesus made no exception to the breaking of the marriage covenant. The same is true of murder, lying, stealing, gossip, or any other sin. The forbearance is His mercy, His forgiveness for those who do commit sin. Jesus does not teach that one can murder (if), lie (if), steal (if), slander (if), or any other sin (if). He makes NO EXCEPTION. If there are no exceptions, then the very act of obtaining a divorce CAN BECOME a sin just like any other sin. Breaking a covenant is a sin. Now in some divorces, there can be an innocent victim of the legal process. Because of God's grace, mercy, and the blood of Jesus, divorce (if it is a sin) can be forgiven just as any other sin.

 If a person commits adultery and the couple gets a divorce, we have told the one guilty of adultery that they must live the rest of their lives celibate. But this is NOT what the New Testament teaches. Also, the person who is told to live celibate is NEVER truly forgiven.

I have been told that if that adultering person ever gets married again, they are guilty of adultery. How is that possible if the first marriage ended? Adultery is having sexual relations with someone other than your spouse while you are married. So since repentance requires a person to do their best never again to commit adultery, if they marry again and remain faithful to that second spouse, they have shown true repentance of the adultery. If the spouse who was not guilty of adultery divorces the one who committed adultery, that marriage IS over. This is even more true if the innocent one finds a new person to marry.

 I pray that my answer has helped you to understand your error and God's Word more accurately. I welcome you to continue study with me privately. Please understand that this site is not a place for debate. It is a site for people who want help to answer questions that they cannot answer. It seems clear that you believe you already know the correct answer on divorce and remarriage by the way that you addressed me. Feel free to contact me directly at joetenor1066@gmail.com if you would like to study this topic more.

 May God bless you and to Him be the glory.

             Immersed Into Christ, Joe Norman