Expert: Marvin Howard - 5/10/2005

Question
Dear Sir/ma'am,
    Greetings in Jesus' name! I have a single male friend who met a lady in the internet; the girl is from Russia, and is divorced. He wants to marry her - is it allowed for christians to marry a lady who is divorced? Is a divorced person still considered married - based on the Bible? Others say that a marriage paper is just a document made by humans - while the real union of a man and a woman is from above. Like for instance, a female in a rebel territory is forced to sign a marriage contract to be a wife a rebel male she did not love; does this mean  she is married - in the sight of God? though the process is unfair? I hope you can give light to this confusing situation.

Sincerely,
Amram

Answer
Hi!

Amram, thank you for your question. Marriage is the first institution God made for man. Your inquiry, therefore, is quite important. I do not know all of the particulars in this situation, so I would like to present a lesson that would cover all possibilities. That way your friend can discern which properly applies to him. For this reason, I will mostly speak in the abstract.

Consider Adam and Eve.

Genesis 2:18-25, "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."

Since no suitable (meet) helper was found for man among the animals, God created woman. As of the time witnessed by this passage, there were no other people. Yet, they were married; man and wife. Marriage is more than just a piece of paper. In fact, the piece of paper isn't even marriage, EXCEPT in the eyes of man. That is not God's design. So, for a marriage to be either valid or invalid in God's eyes does not depend upon the paper. Likewise, it does not depend on the opinions of government or man.

Also, in this passage, we find that marriage makes a man and woman one flesh: they are joined together. With this thought in mind, take a look at this please.

1st Corinthians 6:16, "What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh."

Having sexual relations with any person of the opposite sex makes the two people one flesh; they are married. This is what defines a marriage in God's eyes. So it was with Adam and Eve. There was no paper. A paper marriage is not a marriage until it is consummated.

Even Jesus promoted the same idea of marriage in His teachings.

Matthew 19:4-6, "And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

Man does not do the joining with a piece of paper. God does the joining. All that man can do is recognize God's marriage, and fallible man often makes mistakes.

Now that marriage is properly understood, we can turn our attention to the issue of divorce.

Malachi 2:14-16, "Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously."

Simply stated, God hates divorce. Yes, you read that right, God hates. Putting away (divorcing) the spouse of your youth is considered, by God, to be dealing treacherously with him/her. Read what Jesus taught about it in his Sermon on the Mount.

Matthew 5:31-32, "It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

If a person who didn't commit adultery marries again, the new spouse is also committing adultery, provided that the first spouse didn't commit adultery either.

Jesus was later challenged on this, trying to make Him contradict Himself. We read a part of this earlier. Let's put it in context.

Matthew 19:3-12, "The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

In the beginning, divorce was not allowed. It was only the hardness of the hearts of the men in Israel that made Moses' Law bend. Jesus put the argument to rest. If someone puts away (divorces) their spouse (unless that spouse has committed fornication) and marries another, he/she is committing adultery by being married to him/her. In other words, he/she is still married to the first spouse. Man cannot authorize a divorce (let not man put asunder). Only God can do that, and He won't if there has been no adultery, as that is the only acceptable cause of divorcement that can be found in the New Law under which we live.

People want to think that divorce is the adultery, and that it can be forgiven, allowing them to remarry without living in adultery. This is not the case. Look again at Matthew 5:32. Divorce caused the innocent woman to later commit adultery, for in those days a woman could not make it without a husband. Her remarrying would then be the adultery, because the divorce was invalid: it wasn't really a divorce. She is still married to her first spouse, yet having relations with another man, falsely believing because of the false doctrine of man that she is married to the second when she is not. As Jesus stated, the exception to this is adultery. If adultery is committed, the innocent party may put the adulterer away (remember if he put her away first, they are not really divorced yet) for the adultery, finalizing the divorce in God's eyes, and then be free to remarry.

I need you to understand, there is really no such thing as an "adulterous marriage." It is either one or the other: the two terms make an oxymoron. However, to make it easier to understand, I will use the term, but you must have the foreknowledge that the marriage part of "adulterous marriage" only refers to a state of marriage recognized by man, but rejected by God.

Without adultery in the first marriage, the remarriage is the adultery, not the divorce. And then, the party guilty of adultery is NOT free to remarry. Repentance is required to obtain forgiveness. To repent is to stop the sin. To remain in an "adulterous marriage" is to remain unrepentant. Remaining in an "adulterous marriage" prohibits the people from receiving forgiveness, and dooms them to Hell as long as the situation remains static. This is what caused the disciples to say it was a hard saying. Jesus then responds that there are eunuchs (people who cannot have sex) for the kingdom of God. People who are divorced for other than adultery must remain eunuchs to be in the kingdom of God.

If both your friend and the lady from Russia are eligible to marry according to God's stipulations above (neither has committed adultery), there is no sin if they marry. If either has committed adultery, neither can marry the other. To do so would condemn them both to Hell if they die in that marriage or remain unrepentant after the death of the other.

Whether it is fair or unfair here is not the issue. What is unfair is for one to deny himself/herself the opportunity to get into Heaven because he/she refuses to listen to God.

With all of this said, and if both are eligible to be married, I wish to offer counsel in the matter. It is very hard to know someone from a great distance. Even if they are free to marry, without being prohibitive, I advise caution. The easiest way to enter this country is to marry a citizen. Your friend needs to be doubly sure she is not just marrying him to get here. If this is the case, and she leaves him without first committing adultery, he will never be free to marry again. Is it worth the risk?

Amram, I hope that looking directly to the Word of God in this matter has cleared the confusion. Do not hesitate to ask me if I can be of further assistance.

In His Service,
Marvin Howard
preacherman_1962@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/preacherman_1962