Codependency/feeling rejection by someone i admired
I felt led to ask you this question. I really respected this man who was my boss last year (i considered him a mentor). He is gay - so no romance here! Before he left the company, he asked a fellow colleague of mine (another woman) out for drinks. A few minutes later he saw she and I speaking, came over to us, and invited me as well, almost as an after thought. The three of us went out, & he ignored me the entire evening. In fact, when the other woman suggested we leave the restaurant and go dancing at a nearby club, I responded that i would feel a bit uncomfortable since i'm not much of a dancer, he then very 'politely' responded “if you aren't feeling the vibe you can hightail it out of here”
Well, I pretended I didn't hear that...and went along. I watched them dance the night away. The whole evening felt like a kick in the stomach. Anyway, this was over three months ago. To my surprise, I received an email from him seven weeks ago from Europe. He wanted to see how I was, urged me to see France...and ended it “chat soon.” I felt happy with this email, and replied back something to the effect of “nice to hear from you...hope all is well..let's grab a coffee/drinks sometime when you get back” well he's been back for nearly seven weeks...and nothing. To complicate my rejection, the other female colleague (who works elsewhere now as well)contacted me last week, stating she hadn't heard from him, and that she and I should recontact him again for drinks!!! I didn't tell her I had heard from him, but politely suggested she should contact him alone. Now I'm feeling extreme jealousy knowing that he will probably respond to her request immediately - although I was the one he made contact with. My question is this...should I wait a couple of months and recontact him with a specific request to go out - pinpointing a time the way she is...or was my vague invitation enough of an invite? why this is affecting me so much..I don't know..but I feel heartbroken at the fact that he preferred her that night.
Thank you in advance!
Hi Christine, First of all I thank you for owning and naming the pain! Rejection is one of the hardest emotions to understand, but very universal! The only way passed it, is to go through it.
I noticed a couple of things you said about your "boss".
You said "I really respected this man who was my boss last year (i considered him a mentor). He is gay - so no romance here! Is he gay or not? How do you consider him a mentor? This is a big piece of information left out.
I wonder if you are interested in this guy? Or, if it is about the other women. You say;"he ignored me the entire evening."Also, "if you aren't feeling the vibe you can hightail it out of here." and you say you pretended you did not hear it.
I know that when we have experienced rejection, abandonment, and other serious life issues we spend precious time either pretending they did not happen, or finding it over and over so we can make it end different this time.
I understand this is causing distress and emotional pain, but ask yourself if this is where you want to be in life? Or, would you be better served by getting a trustworthy therapist or other mental health professional? Working on you and being there for you! Christine you deserve much more than this.
If you would like to discuss getting the focus back on you, I am here and happy to assist.
Thank-you again Christine