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College Life/professor again!!!


Dr. Ms. D,

I didn't think I'd be writing to you for a fourth time, but I feel absolutely heartbroken today, and have been crying off and on for hours.
 Remember how I kept writing to you about a professor that I wanted to keep in contact with, well he's leaving for another position in 5 weeks - out of town.  Yesterday was my finally exam, and oral exam (language course#.  I have been the stellar student for nearly a year now, but have never felt I could break the social ice to any appreciable degree.
 Well yesterday, another colleague of mine, who he's had in his class as long as me - very nice woman in her thirties #We're all roughly the same age - except I'm up at the upper end# had her oral exam right before me.  She came out elated, and she said he asked her out for drinks since he isn't her professor any more #he's gay by the way#.  She was elated because he has such a an infectious personality.  During my oral exam he said nothing, and I've been the one with the in class relationship with him, talking to him, sending emails, Christmas cards, writing amazing reviews for him, once I even offered drinks, and said the offer stands - and he said he wold put it on his radar.  Well his radar was set for her.

This was the best part of the whole degrading situation, when we were all in the hallway together afterwards, he looks at her, then looks at me , and says oh by the way we've arranged drinks, so if you want to felt like  a pity invite, because he saw that she and I were together, are friends, and probably felt bad that she would tell me.  Bottom line - he asked her first and in private.  Bottom line, he didn't do that for me.

Here's where things get a little complicated - he's teaching one more summer intensive course at this university  #at the 400 level)for one month - it's the next step in my program, and I enrolled in t a long time ago.  The other girl is not taking it- but who cares she got her prize.  I don't know what to do, if I take it I will be so emotionally distraught feeling the  rejected one.  It doesn't matter how smart I am - obviously I have  a repulsive personality.
To top things off, I sent him an email yesterday, trying to guage how he feels about me and the drink situation.  I wrote:

Hi Dave,
Do drink privileges still apply for 401 students, or will I be banished from the inner circle.  Lisa and I were laughing about the technicality of this one on the way home.  Please clarify...just some silliness to add to your

He hasn't responded and I feel like crap.  Do I stay enrolled in this class (he said he would write a letter of recommendation for me) or do I just disappear into the sunset. He had set we all could email each other late july for drinks, but he was looking right at her.  What do I do.

Thank you.

Ok, so now here is where I distribute tough love and you hate me.

Why do you care if he wants to have drinks with you or not? You have made friendly advances to him and he has rejected them. Regardless of the reason he just wants a teacher student relationship with you. It should not matter that much to you. As long as you did well in the class that is all that matters. To be honest your teacher may have shyed away from a social relationship with you because you have been too persistent. That may have scared them off. It would scare me off slightly.
Think about it, if your child niece or nephew came home and said " I want to be John's friend but he doesnt want to be mine" what would you say? My nephew said that to me the other day and I told him, he is awsome and if someone doesnt want to be his friend its their loss. Someone else will be and until then be happy with yourself. No one is better than you where you need to work to be their friend.
The same applies to us as adults. I think too highly of myself to care if any person teacher or otherwise wants to befriend me. Of course I would wonder why at first, but I would not waste my time to try.
In th end, you will be an educated, employable individual, because you worked hard and your grades reflect that. For those who did not work hard, and do not have high grades, but have had drinks with him they may not be.
Please move on and take another instructor IF you can. Do not write him about drinks EVER. leave it alone. Build more relationsips with your colleages. The only time you should be writing him is when it is time for recommendations and even then keep it simple and say
"Hello, I hope all is well. When we last spoke last semester, you agreed to write a letter of reccomendation for me, I was wondering if you were still wiling....."
Nothing extra. No jokes, no sarcasm, no invitations. If you do decide to take his class, only write him pertaining to course work. No Christmas cards, no invitations.
You have done your job. You are a good strudent. Leave the socialising to those who have no choice because they are not as good of student as you. Take it easy and ease up and you may see the difference in how he responds to you. Dont be too thirsty (slang)

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Ms. D


I can answer general questions about college life as an adult student as well as traditional age. I can help you with how to make the right choice of school, being away from home for the first time, adjusting to being a big fish in a small pond, Do's and Don'ts and almost anything that is on your mind. If I do not initially have the answer I will help you figure it out.


I am a college graduate with multiple undergraduate degrees and a Master's degree. I have graduated from college as a traditional student and have also graduate from college as a non traditional student.

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