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About Adam Young
Expertise
I can answer questions on how to effectively communicate ideas, how to properly communicate when approaching conflict, and interpersonal skills. I cannot answer questions related to health, psychology or legal issues. I cannot make decisions for you or tell you what to say. I can help those who have made a decision and need help in their social interactions.

Experience
I am a human resources professional and communication coach. I have experience training, recruiting, event planning and facilitating recognition programs. I have also acted as a consultant for non profits to help improve company wide communication processes. For personal and professional coaching, visit my website at www.ayadvancement.com

Publications
Selfgrowth.com and Ezinearticles.com

Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelor's Degree in Business Communication and Management from the University of Southern California, with an emphasis in oral communication, diversity, organizational development and team/leadership development.

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Communication Skills > Communication Skills > Dealing with flaky friend/pastor

Communication Skills - Dealing with flaky friend/pastor

Expert: Adam Young - 10/29/2009

Question
I just started going to a church in Taiwan that have mostly Americans and other foreigners (to Taiwan) and for the most part I had a great time. However I have been trying to meet with the youth pastor to get to know him and to talk about opportunities to serve the church, however for three times he keeps cancelling on me, often at the very last minute (first time I walked for a mile to meet him and waited in the rain for 10 minutes). I need to let him know that I won't put up with that kind of attitude but I don't want to offend him since he is a pastor and if I did or said anything like that it would make me look rebellious. Can you tell me what is the best way of letting him know this or just what is the best way of dealing with this?

thanks.

Answer
Hello Tai,

As long as you let him know in a respectful way, it will not be rebellious. Although he is a pastor, his behavior is unfair to you.

One suggestion is to find an alternative. You can tell him you appreciate him giving you the opportunity to meet with him, however his schedule does not seem to allow him to meet with you. You can ask him if there is anyone else to talk to, or if there is some other arrangement you two can make to discuss your involvement. Explain to him how you have set time aside for your meetings, and you know he has a busy schedule, but you have a schedule to follow as well. Mention your eagerness to work with the church. If he understands this, give him the benefit of the doubt to the agreement. If he flakes on you again, it is probably a good time to move on because he has not and most likely will not respect your time.

Try not to let your anger speak. Focus on what outcome you are looking for that will work best for you both. The truth is, his flakiness may be a part of his personality, and there is no changing that, even if you tell him. What you want is to be involved with the church, and his behavior may evidence that he is not the one to help you.

-Adam

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