Communication Skills/Emotional manipulators

Advertisement


Question
Dear Expert,

I have an issue with a girl friend, it is a long story to tell you all her gesture and manner.

As I see she love me so much, she will do any thing to me,etc. in other way I am so generous and faithful person, which is so warm and romantic and open.

I am also so wide awake person, and because of that maybe i feel some negative in her, some times I am not objective, and because of that I need some help

What I feel is :

1- She just show me how she love me just to take me for her, and to be her 100%.

2- I recolonized some characters in her which remind me that she is Emotional manipulator.

and because of that I am in so warning condition.

My question is:

1- Can you advice me, how to recognize if somebody really love you, and is there any tests to do to see if she really love me?

2- How to recognize if is she Emotional manipulator.

By answering the questions, you will help me to conclude what is her intent.

thanks in advanced

Answer
Hi DJ - it sounds like your basic question is "can I trust her?" If you're unsure about what she feels, the problem may be with her, with you, or with both of you. One way of getting clearer on this is to assess each of you for inherited psychological "wounds." Wounded people often have trouble feeling, giving, and receiving genuine love. They also can feel insecure and need to manipulate other people to get their needs met.

 Here's some perspective on assessing for "wounds":

http://sfhelp.org/gwc/gwc.htm

http://sfhelp.org/gwc/means.htm

http://sfhelp.org/gwc/wounds/bonding.htm

http://sfhelp.org/gwc/assess.htm

If you and/or she are significantly wounded, I encourage you each to learn how to reduce them by studying and applying this free online lesson:

http://sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm

To improve your communication with her, see these:

http://sfhelp.org/cx/improve.htm

http://sfhelp.org/cx/options.htm

See if she's willing to read and discuss these with you.

If either of you have questions about these, DJ, please ask. - Pete

Communication Skills

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Peter Gerlach, MSW

Expertise

I can answer questions about how to significantly improve your thinking and communication effectiveness, and your relations with adults and kids. I cannot answer legal, medical, grammar, punctuation, spelling, or spiritual questions.

Experience

I have studied and taught communication and relationship skills for 40 years, and have been a professional family-systems therapist (MSW) since 1981.

Organizations

I am a past Board member of (a) a large suburban community mental-health center and (b) the Stepfamily Association of America, and I am a current member of the National Stepfamily Resource Center (NSRC) Experts Council

Publications
I have published 6 books, including one on communication skills: Satisfactions (Xlibris.com 2nd ed., 2010); and over 150 articles in the nonprofit educational Website Break the Cycle! - www.sfhelp.org

I have also published articles for Selfgrowth.com and over 150 educational YouTube videos.

Education/Credentials
BSME, Stanford University, 1959 MSW, George Williams College 1981 Clinical internship U. of Illinois Institute for Juvenile Reasearch (IJR) 1981 Over 100 post-grad courses on a wide range of human-relationship topics

Past/Present Clients
over 1,000 self-referred Midwestern-U.S. adults, kids, couples, and families

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.