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Communication Skills/Unable to talk to known peoples when i meet them suddenly outside.

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Question
consider this event :  while i am walking on the road, or just a casual walk, when i meet some person suddenly whom i know, and if i dont have talks to talk to them, i dont feel safe around, i mean i just avoid them. I am really embarrassed by this i cant even face my dad or mom, sisters. why?? i cant face them. i dont know what to talk to them when i meet them suddenly. On the road, when i'm outside i am unable to walk confidently, if i am walking by road and i see someone familiar or known, i don't know where to look ?? because if there is straight long road, i feel awkward looking them continuously and making eye contact is really a big deal. What i'm suffering from? I am always afraid to meet my knowns when i'm outside..either walking or any where.I'm having this problem from  3 year. for this reason i don't want to go outside my home. its really very embarrassing but i'm avoiding my own members on road, i cant even make eye contact.
Its very disturbing for me..please Help me !!

Answer
Hello Vivek,

You are not alone in this.  It may surprise you to know that even some of your friends sometimes suffer from this. Your courage in trying to find a solution is important.  I can tell by the way the this was written that english is not your best language so I will try to answer as simply as I can.

So you have said that when you meet people that you know, you become afraid, don't know what to say, and avoid eye contact. You become afraid because it is a situation where you can't control what is going on; they have met you all of a sudden and you are not prepared. This gives you the symptoms that you describe.

Vivek, you are so afraid of making a mistake in what you say or do, and you think people will 'find out' who you really are.  Because of this you hide from them. You want to be perfect in their eyes and if you can't be perfect, than you would rather not be in their eyes at all.  That is why you avoid them.

What you are going to have to do, Vivek, and it will take some time, is to start accepting yourself as you are. We are all human, with great qualities and other qualities that need work. It doesn't make us good or bad, it just makes us human.  You want people to always see you at your best, so when you meet them on the street, you don't have time to prepare yourself, so you feel afraid. There is nothing wrong in what people see when they see you, Vivek.

It is possible that something has happened to you to make you feel this way; I can't know that of course. What is important,Vivek, is that you start accepting yourself for who you are. Rather than worry about what others think of you, it is time for to start thinking better of yourself. Look in the mirror and say to yourself that you like the person that you see. Tell yourself that you are great just the way that you are, and that everyday in every way you are getting better, stronger and more confident.

You can't wait until the fear is gone, Vivek, before you change this. You will be afraid, but you are going to have to walk up to people you know on the street. Yes, you will be nervous, but rather than worry about what they think of you, say hello, that it is good to see them, and then continue walking. Force yourself to do the very thing that you are afraid of. Just make sure that you keep telling yourself, that who you are is the person you should be at that moment, and you are always becoming better.

I hope this helps you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you,Vivek. You just simply have an idea in your head of who you think people should see when they see you, and that image is just not real.  Let them see you, and you need to know that the real Vivek, the one who had the courage to ask for help, is the real one that everyone should see.

Please rate this response honestly.

Phil L. Méthot

Communication Skills

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Phil L. Méthot

Expertise

For individuals wanting help with public speaking, I can answer most questions dealing with skills, memory,and body language. Essentially the tools required to become a great speaker. For individuals having trouble communicating one on one, or getting their voice heard, or their message across, I can help you with that too. Listening is an important part of communication, so we can work on improving your listening skills as well. If you feel you are not being understood, that is a deeper issue, but we can start here to steer you in the right direction

Experience

I have successfully worked with corporations as a motivational management consultant across Canada. I have twice been President of a Toastmasters group, as an Advanced Toastmaster Gold. I wrote the multimedia ebook: "10 Steps to Becoming A Great Public Speaker." My book "Through the Door!" :A Journey to the Self, dealt with self-image and Will Power. Self Image plays a key role in our ability to communicate and listen effectively.

Organizations
Toastmasters - Currently President of Pointe-Claire Toastmasters (club 9750)

Publications
Book: "Through the Door!" :A Journey to the Self by Phil L. Méthot Book: The Weight is Over - A revolution in Thin Thinking by Phil L. Méthot Multimedia Book: 10 Steps to Becoming A Great Public speaker by Phil L. Méthot Articles in SelfGrowth.com, http://www.uncommonforum.com/

Education/Credentials
Canadian Training and Development Group, success Motivation International

Awards and Honors
Three times recipient of the Presidents club award through the Canadian Training and Development Group and Success Motivation International.

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