Communication Skills/friend


Hi I have a friend that I have known for 7 going on 8 yes. We ment in an Alanon meeting.
She is from my home town and we hit it off right away. My problem is it has become an uncomfortable relationship for me. I don't mean to sound petty, but it is not a give and take relationship. I have done all the giving when it comes to helping each other out, favors, material things. I have taken her out to eat, helped her with projects at her house, brought her flowers when she and her husband were I'll, brought her husband and family Boston Market when husband was sick......ect.
Problem is none of that has been reciprocated.
She would send me a birthday card in the mail promise to take me to lunch and then never do it. I totally understand it happening once in a while but, she never takes me to lunch.
I don't have a lot of friends, so I feel like it is a loss to lose one.
Was thinking of writing her an email and saying "look this is how I feel" But, I don't know how to do it smoothly.

What brought this to a headbfor me was I asked her a favor pick something up for me in NOLA, our home town. I was making Mardi Gras wreaths for cousin's . My friend was going to NOLA so I asked her to go to a craft store and call me and I would give them my cr card over the phone and she could take them with her home to Houston where we both live. I can not get the dolls in Houston but, it was Mardi Gras in NOLA and they were available.
She did not call me or mention getting the dolls for me.l just felt so used, and not appreciated.

I am asking for advise on what I should do. I hate confrontational , but I can't take this relationship the way it is anymore.
Thanks TD

Hi Toy - I suggest you evolve a "bill of pers0onal rights" - like this one: Then use it to compose an assertive "I-message" to this person to express your feelings respectfully ("smoothly"): Delivering the message in person would be more impactful than via email or text.

That might sound like "Name), when I occasionally ask you for help and you ignore my request, I feel hurt, disrespected, disappointed, and frustrated."

Here are some other communication options:

See if any ideas here are useful in your situation:

I propose the real issue here is your self respect and integrity.

If you have further questions, please ask. - Pete

Communication Skills

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Peter Gerlach, MSW


I can answer questions about how to significantly improve your thinking and communication effectiveness, and your relations with adults and kids. I cannot answer legal, medical, grammar, punctuation, spelling, or spiritual questions.


I have studied and taught communication and relationship skills for 40 years, and have been a professional family-systems therapist (MSW) since 1981.


I am a past Board member of (a) a large suburban community mental-health center and (b) the Stepfamily Association of America, and I am a current member of the National Stepfamily Resource Center (NSRC) Experts Council

I have published 6 books, including one on communication skills: Satisfactions ( 2nd ed., 2010); and over 150 articles in the nonprofit educational Website Break the Cycle! -

I have also published articles for and over 150 educational YouTube videos.

BSME, Stanford University, 1959 MSW, George Williams College 1981 Clinical internship U. of Illinois Institute for Juvenile Reasearch (IJR) 1981 Over 100 post-grad courses on a wide range of human-relationship topics

Past/Present Clients
over 1,000 self-referred Midwestern-U.S. adults, kids, couples, and families

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