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Communication Skills/Relationship issues - long distance


My boyfriend and I started dating at university, but now we have finished university and have moved back home. The issue is that we are around 100 miles apart now that we are not together at university. He always said that for the job he wishes to do, he will need to live where my home is. So we thought we would only be long distance until he found a job, however he has suddenly decided that he wishes to complete a master's degree abroad and that he cannot handle long distance for that long, so we are no longer together.
After nearly 3 years together, this is obviously devastating to me. He made no inclination of wanting to do this before the phone call where everything ended because of it. He says that he cannot handle long distance, but he doesn't really want to be with anyone else and he sees a future with me. It's been a few days and I have not spoken to him. Should I try to contact him and work through this? I have many ideas to try to make long distance easier but I am not sure if he will listen to me. I love him and I am really hurting, but I'm not sure if it is worth hoping that it can work, or just letting go and trying to heal. At present I cannot see myself healing or being able to love anyone else, I really thought I would be with him forever and thinking that everything is over hurts too much.
How should I approach this? I decided I should probably leave it a week to give him some time to think before talking to him, but I'm not sure if that is best.
What do you think I should do?

Hi Harley - I respectfully suggest your real issue is why you distrust your own judgment in this situation?

From your description, I suggest you check to see if your guy is a "Grown Wounded Child" (GWC):  //

If he is, consider these options:

If you decide to let the relationship go, then you might benefit from learning about "good grief":

Also, consider getting expert advice on this situation from your "Future Self":

Have faith in your own wisdom and intuition! - Pete

Communication Skills

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Peter Gerlach, MSW


I can answer questions about how to significantly improve your thinking and communication effectiveness, and your relations with adults and kids. I cannot answer legal, medical, grammar, punctuation, spelling, or spiritual questions.


I have studied and taught communication and relationship skills for 40 years, and have been a professional family-systems therapist (MSW) since 1981.


I am a past Board member of (a) a large suburban community mental-health center and (b) the Stepfamily Association of America, and I am a current member of the National Stepfamily Resource Center (NSRC) Experts Council

I have published 6 books, including one on communication skills: Satisfactions ( 2nd ed., 2010); and over 150 articles in the nonprofit educational Website Break the Cycle! -

I have also published articles for and over 150 educational YouTube videos.

BSME, Stanford University, 1959 MSW, George Williams College 1981 Clinical internship U. of Illinois Institute for Juvenile Reasearch (IJR) 1981 Over 100 post-grad courses on a wide range of human-relationship topics

Past/Present Clients
over 1,000 self-referred Midwestern-U.S. adults, kids, couples, and families

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