Expert: Chris Wagoner - 11/12/2009

Question
QUESTION: I have been married to an abusive personality for 22 years, now I am in the process of a nasty divorce from my sociopath- soon- to be- x husband.  He has sent me nude pics of me  in an email threatening to post them on the internet & send them to my 75 yold mother, the judge saw that and warned him, now yesterday he apparently signed me up to fling.com posing as me (he used my email addy) he posted personal info on me, posting a very degrading sexual classified (all that is 100% untrue) he used my first name and stated the field of work I'm in, my age and physical discription, I have not done any retaliation, been completely by the book through my divorce and he continues to threaten and harrass, my lawyer says that the only way we can prove he did this is to supenoa his harddrive and says it may be hard,question: does it cost a lot and can we do this, what can I do to stop this man?  We have a 15 year old daughter and he has refused to get court mandiated counseling, please help me, he has nude pics, I dread what he will do next, he does just enough where we haven't caught him, my lawyer says I have a 50 percent chance for a protective order, what should I do????? This divorce has been going on for a year!  Please respond!

ANSWER: Hi Lawanna,

What state do you live in, it may make a difference in the laws..



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I live in TX and from what I understand this case is classified as a civil case and because I have a lawyer (and it's civil???) I can't  just go up to the district atty's office and tell him that I have all this documentation of abuse, including contempt charges for taking 30,000 dollars out of his 401K and blowing it in two months, removing his name on all credit cards that I was a primary on, withholding child support, him on tape saying he is black mailing me, not to mention stopping payment on my nursing refresher course 2 times, destroying my credit before I could work in my field, cutting my telephone line, stealing anything off our property that could be sold,  moving in with this biker chick and deserting us, disowning his daughter to her face, and by email before her 15th birthday because she was scared to be alone with him, called her a bitch, telling me "fuck her", when I told him 6 months ago he owed that child an apology,  leaving a message on my message machine at home stating he has pictures of me and him( THAT I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT)!!!
OUR DAUGHTER GOT THE JOY OF HEARING THAT MESSAGE from her dad telling me he was gonna "send them to my momma, won't she be proud?" and I know that before I get this divorce he will eventually post these pictures of me everywhere, and did I fail to mention he REFUSED to pay spousal support, I had to beg him to help us what little he did,(I'm the lady that got her hair cut at Walmart, and never hit a tanning bed or had my nails done every week like his biker chick g/friend) no, I stayed home, worked on and off over 22 years in nursing, while he pursued his career and took company trips like "a fishing trip to Brazil to fish on the Amazon", all I ever wanted was a home and family, and even though he was narcisstic at times I just thought "thats the marine in him, or because he grew up in an alcoholic home," the marriage counselors I ended up seeing alone,  due to his demanding career never told me this guy is a sociopath with sadistic tenancies, I've been stunned and nearly destroyed by the things this man (one I guess I never knew) has done to say the least, I thought "he's bipolar, he's having midlife breakdown, NO, the therapist told me last wk "you married a sociopath and you are divorcing the devil."  He appeared in court this wk for our REApplication for a protective order and all the CONTEMPT charges, (only to have court reschedule it because his snake of atty got called away by the DA on another case) and my lawyer said he was cocky and a smart ass (I stayed out of the courtroom with my daughter so we would not have to face him until necessary).  I'm afraid he will never stop and I am beginning to think I may have to sue this demon just to stop him, it appears in TX that unless your abusive mate beats you half to death, or holds you hostage, as a wife you have less rights than being harassed by a stranger.  I can't tell  you how many times Montgomery county, tx sheriff's officers, have been called to my home because of him, and they say "Ma'am...this is a civil case and unless you have a protective order he has every right to be on this property as you do, you'll have to take it up with the judge for the temporary orders and contempt"....and he laughs in his daughter's and my face and says "go ahead call the cops"....This is an more than a nightmare, it's hell....and the sad thing is I did everything for this guy and was totally in love and faithful, boy I feel like the biggest fool, as he has moved on to the biker chick who has good credit, her own home, her Professional job, with pension, her motorcycle, and truck and like a chamioleon he's reinvented himself through her, her family  and  friends....
I once had good credit, self esteem, I thought once "married to a good person",....he took care of all that, and left our home with so many repairs, I'm looking at 20,000 just to get it in shape, while he blew thousands of dollars on exactly what he wanted because he said "it's my money and I will spend it like I want to" (no roof for the house that needed replacing 5 years ago). Left me to face possibly years of therapy for my daughter,  and leaving us in debt, debt, debt...how I wish I had been as cunning and planned our escape and covered my butt...I just never thought I'd be where I am today...sorry I know this is a legal request,  and I apologize for the venting..Thank you  

Answer
Hi again Lawana,

I am very sorry your having all this trouble. The only thing I can say is try to stay strong for your daughter. Here is a link to the computer laws for your state. http://nsi.org/Library/Compsec/computerlaw/Texas.txt

I think you will find some things he has violated there and you shoudl notify your local police department of the instances involving the computer. In Florida we have a law called cyber-stalking. He would be guilty of that here, in your state I am not sure what the stalking laws are.

Hope you get some help...be well