Expert: Jeff M. Fischbach - 2/17/2006

Question
I have a 17yr old daughter in the 11th grade who seems to think that she can move out of our house and there is nothing we can do about it.  Can you direct me somewhere to find out what is legal and what isn't on this subject in the state of Texas.  

Answer
It's easy to imagine your frustration. Unfortunately, I have no professional experience in this area, and fortunately, I have yet to have any personal experience as a parent in this area. However, I was the cocky teenager of a couple of terrific parents, and I once issued such threats. Since then, I have had a lot of experience working in and around the legal justice system, and have become the parent of my own two wonderful children--both too young to cause the sort of angst you describe. (I know... give it time.) However, I think that my accumulated experience might be sufficient to entitle me to offer a little unsolicited advice. I don't think you'll find the answers you seek in the law.

Practically speaking, I can't imagine a law that will keep your teenager in the house if she really doesn't want to be there. And, my guess is that, if you try to use the law, or any other tool to force her (the thought of multiple pad-locks, barred windows, GPS tracking, and a sophisticated alarm system come to mind), she'll probably push back twice as hard as she heads for the door.

Clearly, your family needs a different kind of help. Perhaps you've already tried. And, of course, you can't force your daughter to participate in counseling either. Well, you can, but it probably won't help. Now, please don't take this the wrong way, but my suggestion is that you start by speaking with someone yourself, if you haven't already.

I have always had the theory that everyone is better qualified to raise someone else's teenager. I'm not dispensing psychiatric advice. It's just an observation. The trick, it seems, is finding a way to protect your own teenager from herself (not to mention outside influences), while keeping the door open for a meaningful relationship when she's ready. Fortunately, that worked in my family. As it happens, my father is a child psychologist, but I'm not sure that really gave him much of an edge in working on his own teenagers. We went through our share of rough times, but the door remained open, and everything worked out very well in the end. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do to give my parents back the long hours they spent waiting up for me, hoping I would make it home, except to give them plenty of time with their grand kids.

Unfortunately, I have seen professionally what can happen when things really go wrong. Many of my cases have involved troubled teens of various degrees. And across the board, what I have seen is that many teens and adolescents are far more comfortable confiding in some stranger over the Internet than they are with a family member. This is really where much of my concern lies.

Though I can't offer you any succinct answers, perhaps I can point you in the right direction. I did find a site on the Internet that addresses your specific issue: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/16084/what_parents_should_do_when_their...

I hope it helps. Good luck to you and your family.

--
Jeff Michael Fischbach, ABFE
Board Certified Forensic Technologist (ABFE #12891)
SecondWave Information Systems
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