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Concerns about Genital Size/Small Penis\Sexual Orientation

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Hello, ok my story is a little complicated so I'll start from the beginning. my English is not very good so I'm using a translator. I thought about asking this question in the category "Gay life" but it seemed more appropriate here because you are more familiar with psychological problems.
I've always been a normal, happy child, but when I was 7 years I had a surgery because I had phimosis. from there my life ceased to be normal ... I was ashamed of being "different" from others (in my country is unusual not to have foreskin) and also because (do not know if the cause was the surgery or not) my penis seemed to stop growing since I had the surgery and I always thought it was all related.I've always been interested in women but at the beginning of my adolescence somehow I got an obsession to see uncut penis. I do not know if it was to have lived my entire adolescence without a foreskin but somehow it excited me a lot, although emotionally be completely straight and imagine myself always in the future married to a woman. from that moment I began to see gay pornography to the present day and in that moment it wasn't more just about penis: all gay sex excites me. when I was 16 years I had a girlfriend with whom I got involved more closely and almost had my first time, but I do not know if it was the gay porn, it was because I am gay (?) or the fact that not feel manly the enough to dominate a woman. I enjoyed touching her but I never liked when she touch me in the penis or the area around it. I couldn't do it and I felt ashamed but she said it was ok cause she loved me. from there I felt horrible with my very low self-esteem. since there I never felt able to be with a woman. because I am very ashamed of my penis, because I have doubts about my sexuality and also because I think in the meantime suffer from erectile dysfunction due to the gay pornography that watched over the years. I've had a depression was diagnosed which could not heal with medication and do not know if my problem comes from not feel comfortable with my size or the fact that you are in doubt as to my sexuality. I wonder if my obsession with penis has to do with curiosity to see an intact penis or I've always been gay? or did I became gay because of this? or all these are movies in my head? already decided and I'm trying not see pornography and will also stop masturbation. Now I met this girl and I like her very much, only that I feel bad because I do not feel manly enough for her ... I'm afraid to get involved with her and again can't have sex with her... but thats what I want the most. I've fantasized my future life with a man but this is impossible and can not seem natural because I always wanted to have a wife and children. I do not know what to do, do not know what to think. I hope you can help me and hope you understood everything I wrote. thank you

Answer
Juan,

I think its possible that you were "obsessed" with having your foreskin back and so you thought of this as being an "ideal form" of masculinity. Therefore, you idolized men who had what you did not have, which was a "whole" penis. Now technically, as an American, circumcision is extremely normal among people here, so I see nothing wrong with that and I would advise you to learn to accept yourself. I do not believe the phimosis surgery did any lasting harm to your penis, nor did it impede your growth. You have what you have; nothing more, nothing less. That's my sex philosophy, so are you gay? Well are you emotionally attracted to men? Could you fall in love with one? Sexually, would you ever have sex with a man or is this merely a fascination with the penis itself, which I think is a form of sexual compulsion for you. If you want to locate a mental health counselor in your country that deals with these issues I think it would help TREMENDOUSLY!! Obviously, I can help you as much as I can on this end, but the next step is up to you.

Cheers,

John

Concerns about Genital Size

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John Brice

Expertise

Educated and certified in STI information, HIV and AIDS, and trained in comprehensive sex education for teens and young adults. Providing counseling in sex addictions, pregnancy prevention, safer sex initiatives, and teaching health education seminars to adults ages 18-65 for the past 3 years. Serve underserved clients in homeless shelters, workplace readiness programs, and detention centers. Two term AmeriCorps domestic service volunteer and Peace Corps nominee for Health Service to Lesotho.

Experience

3 years as a volunteer Emergency Medical Technician (Advanced) for 3 years and comprehensive sex educator for 2 years and parenting educator for 2 years. *Certified Wellness Coach, Spencer Institute #1569339775 *Certified Holistic Life Coach, Spencer Institute #1567694241 *North Carolina State Registered Substance Abuse Counselor, #CSAC-20430 *North Carolina State Certified Emergency Medical Technician, #P083512

Education/Credentials
*Master of Public Health, Social and Behavioral Sciences; Capella University *Master of Education, Curriculum and Instruction; Concordia University-Portland *Bachelor of Arts, Psychology and English; East Carolina University

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