AboutRabbi Barry Dov Lerner Expertise Write to me with questions about Jewish customs and law, history,
philosophy and tradition for answers from a Conservative perspective or conversion. I am a graduate of The Jewish Theological Seminary and a member of the Conservative Rabbinical Assembly. Having served in congregational pulpits since 1970, I now am President of the Foundation For Family Education, Inc. a non-profit educational endeavor. I established it to create new formats of hands-on programs and provide free educational downloads at www.jewishfreeware.org. In addition to general informational questions I welcome your questions about programs for social action, outreach to dual-faith families, inter-faith clergy projects, healing services, education for conversion, adult education for the congregation and the community. If you have questions about Informal and Formal Education I am ready to share my extensive experience with Youth Activities, Camping and Religious School/Hebrew High School on a congregational, community and national/international level.
Experience I have served on the National Youth Commission for more than 25 years and serve on the Boards of the Conservative Zionist movement MERCAZ and the World Council of Synagogues. I have always dual-families and taught candidates for conversion with a great sense of fulfillment. I am very proud of 25 years on the Jewish camping staff of Camps Ramah. My greatest source of pride is my family! Ask me about them, please!:-)
Question Sir, in the movie Schindler List, at the end of the movie all the people were putting stones on his grave site as they pay tribute to him, what is the meaning of the stone???
Answer Dear Gary,
Thanks for writing.
I'm sorry for the delay but there were family health issues.
The tradition of placing a stone on the headstone when visiting a grave has several origins.
The most often quoted is that it is a sign that people indeed have been visiting.
Secondly, it is a reminder that at one time the grave was covered by those at the burial and was then topped with rocks to protect the grave from animals.
Thirdly, since in ancient times people were often buried in caves with a large rock at the entrance, the rock on the headstone remind us of the past.
Fourthly, there are those who feel that it is a custom derived from an ancient fear that the spirit of the deceased might "get up and wander" and hence you put heavy weights on the grave. This reasoning then needed to be modernized and we then speak of a sign that we haven't forgotten our deceased by indicating that we were there and placed a stone at the grave, most often on the headstone.
Fifthly, in some cemeteries there is a strict prohibition against doing so, because the headstones can be worn down or damaged - so they say. And, in some minds it is unsightly. For myself, it is sad that some graves are marked as being visited often by the number of stones and others are not. Hence, perhaps the cemetery society wants a democratic, even playing field.
Lastly, for me the stone reminds me that our patriarchs and matriarchs were buried in a cave of stone- together except for Rachel, stone structures which still survive thousands of years later. It suggests to me that we have the power by the deeds we perform to indeed affect if not eternity then the future for many generations.
