Expert: Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner - 7/23/2010

Question
My father recently passed away and we are starting to think about the cemetery marker.  On my mother's, we had "She stands before G-d with clean hands and a pure heart."  For my father, I would like it to say something about having a good name as a legacy.  He was also a warm human being about whom no one has had anything negative to say.  Many people have said that he was the finest person they ever met.   Do you have any suggestions for Biblical sayings we could use?  Someone suggested Proverbs 22:1 but he was also successful financially.

I would really appreciate any help you can give us.

Answer
DEAR LAUREN,
HOW KIND OF YOU TO REMEMBER ME AND BARBARA. GERSON ZT"L WAS A DEAR FRIEND AND TEACHER AND IMHO A GREAT CHANCELLOR AT A VERY CHALLENGING TIME IN SEMINARY HISTORY. IF AND WHEN I CAN BE OF ANY FURTHER HELP, PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO WRITE OR CALL. BTW CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE WHICH HAS ALL FREE DOWNLOADS OF MATERIALS THAT MAY BE OF INTEREST, ESPECIALLY PESACH HAGGADAH, SEDER SONGBOOK, EXTRA READINGS, ETC.
AS ALWAYS IN GRATITUDE
dOV


Dear Lauren,

Thank you for writing.

In the few weeks, we dedicated stones for both my mother and my father-in-law. I well understand your concern for the best wording possible to reflect the memories of a family.

I would suggest that in response to your description of your father, the following free translation from Pirkei Avot, and feel free to edit and modify it as you wish. I am including an article from on-line about the various meanings of this Rabbinic statement from the Mishna Avot, chapter 4, statement 17.

"There are crowns of Torah, of holiness, and royalty,  but the crown of a good name excels them all"

Alternatively, of course, you can refer to this text but personalize it:

"Our father will always be remembered for the good name he leaves us."

I am sorry for your loss and wish you only a full measure of comfort and consolation

Rabbi Dov




Pirkei Avot (Ethics or Sayings of the Fathers) is a collection of the ethical words of wisdom of the "fathers" of post-Biblical Judaism. For centuries it was the most widely read Jewish book, for there was no better introduction to Jewish piety, saintliness, love for God and man, and devotion to learning. Technically a part of the Mishnah, the legal commentary on the Bible, Pirkei Avot is the mirror of the spiritual life of Rabbinic Judaism, and a record of the living experience of the sixty-five sages quoted within it. In traditional Jewish hones, it is studied on Saturday afternoons, a witness to the belief that "He who wishes to attain piety and virtue let him turn to the tractate Avot."

  
R. Simeon said: There are three crowns. The crown of Torah, the crown of priesthood and the crown of kingship. But the crown of a good name excels them.
(Ethics of the Fathers 4:17)

Commentary by R. Travers Herford[1]
A lesson on the excellence of personal character as compared with acquired dignity. The crown is the symbol of preeminence, and the metaphor can readily be applied to any gradation of rank or character. Priesthood and kingship are dignities conferred upon a man, without any necessary reference to his character. Even the crown of Torah, the fame of a great teacher, might conceivably be acquired by one who was personally unworthy. But the crown of a good name is the tribute paid to personal worth and upright character, and is better than all the others because is alone is indispensable.

Commentary by Samson Raphael Hirsch[2]
The crown of a good name excels the other three, first by virtue of the fact that it is within the reach of all, without exception, and secondly, because all the others are without value unless they are linked with the crown of a good name. Any of these three crowns can be truly "crowns" only if he who wear them is deserving also of the crown of a good name; such a person shines forth both as a human being and as a Jew, distinguished in moral purity and devotion to duty, and particularly in the exemplary fulfillment of those duties and those opportunities to do good that are connected with the station of honor and privilege he occupies. It may also be that "excels them all" means that the "crown of a good name" must be linked with them all.

About R. Simeon
R. Simeon is R. Simeon B. Yohai, one of the most famous teachers of his time. In the Mishnah and the cognate literature, R. Simeon almost always means R. Simeon B. Yohai. His history belongs mainly to the period after the Bar Kokhba War (132-135 CE). He is said to have been one of the seven disciples of R. Akiba who were ordained by R. Jehudah b. Baba, and he certainly helped to carry on the tradition after the older teachers had been swept away. The date of his birth may be put at about 100 CE, and he died probably about 160 CE.