Expert: Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner - 8/13/2010

Question
Rabbi,
I am a Funeral Director who has a burial at Mt. Lebanon Cemetery in Glendale, NY on Monday.
What is the protcol for the funeral director (obviously not Jewish) at the gravesite. At Christian funerals I close the service after the clergyperson concludes their committal service by saying something to the effect " This now concludes the funeral service for (name). All may now depart these sacred grounds filled with the love of God and peace of the Lord. Thank you."

Answer
Dear Mark,

Thank you for asking such a sensitive and professional question.

I understand that often non-Jewish funeral directors are asked to serve in a Jewish funeral and/or interment.

Having worked with a variety of funeral homes over 45 years, I would urge you to speak with the officiating Rabbi and share your question with him/her.

Each Rabbi often has their own preferences, even when it is for an unaffiliated non-member funeral, e.g. SCI chapel. When you share with them your concern and respect for the family of the deceased, the Rabbi and for our tradition, you should be rewarded with a very helpful answer.

Many times, the Rabbi wants to conclude the "announcements" in order to share with those present the feelings of the Jewish family - which may also be an inter-faith family -for example, the plans for shiva. This can be a shiva in which all are invited back to the home, not to return to the home, to come after a certain hour, etc.

But, if you share this sensitivity with the Rabbi, I am sure then that if whatever occurs is at his suggestion, then you will know that you've done the "right thing."

My feeling is that having asked this question, you've already demonstrated how fortunate this family and Rabbi will be that you are involved.

Thank you again for writing. Best wishes

Rabbi Dov