Expert: Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner - 4/18/2007

Question
Dear Rabbi,
  My son is married to a non Jew.  They are expecting a baby soon. It will be a boy.  They are still deciding if they want to have a bris.  Here is my question - If they do have a bris, will the baby be Jewish or are there other parts of the conversion process?  Also - can you direct me to some literature or information that may help them decide to have a bris.  So far I have not been able to convince them.  I read your other answers about a bris but mine is a bit different.
Thank you so much for your help.
Marc

Answer
Dear Marc,

Thanks for writing about a complicated situation and at the same time mazal tov.

This should have been worked out by the couple before the marriage, and hopefully has been.

A brit milah by a mohel, on the 8th day according to tradition, is the first step in conversion. The certificate will be so marked - or should be- "for the sake of conversion."

At the brit milah the baby also receives his Jewish name in Hebrew.

Thereafter the baby will have to go to a mikveh for immersion which will be a moving and beautiful moment.

All of this assumes that the child will not be baptized or in any way be identified as a Christian. Any child raised as "bi-cultural" would not be accepted as Jewish by any movement.

In terms of convincing the parents to have a ritual circumcision, there are only several basic presentations. If you are fighting this "battle" be prepared. . . .

1. English royalty have used a mohel rather than physicians as this is their special training and frequent experiences.

2. NYCity is now making an effort to circumcize every male for medical reasons.

3. It is quite possible  that a child will have to endure a painful surgical operation when and if they later wish to be included as a Jew according to all standards. The infant circumcision by a trained and experienced mohel can't be topped. Many mohalim today use an anaesthetic also.

Because of the dual-faith, it is possible to have a private brit milah and then a separate "party" celebration, to make it easier for your daughter-in-law.

Part of the situation is of course that now we are speak of the brit milah. It may indeed be an issue of Jewishness - and the next subjects will include education, Bar Mitzvah, home celebrations, affiliation with a synagogue, etc.

Best of luck and I would urge you to find a Rabbi or counselor in the Jewish Family Service in your community to guide you in dealing with the intricacies of your situation.

Rabbi Dov